Thet 'lection wuz stolen frum meh!
Ah useta werk fer tha CIA an' Ah know how it's dun! It ain't no big deal ta hackify them 'lectronical votifyin' machines. Karl Rove showed us all how it wuz dun fer W at one o' them Bildermuhberg Group secret meetin's we had one year at Cabo jus' after tha kids had thar Spring Break. Ah'll bet that socialist Canadian-born Cuban commie sleeper agent Ted Cruz helped his dick-suckin' buttfuck-buddy Danny "Dan Patrick" Goeb pull it off wif Rove's help.
Don't y'all worry 'bout meh. Ah gots a right purdy nest egg frum mah insider fine-nancial imvestments rebuildin' Eye-rack an' Afganny-stan thanks ta tips frum mah ol' CIA buddies. Ah'm 'bout ta go in-cog-neato burrito and plot mah future course on tha down-low.
An' if'n Danny "Dan Patrick" Goeb mysteriously disappears inta thin air wif no traces afore he's s'possed ta take office, Ah don't know nuthin' 'bout it, Ah wuz nowhars near 'im, an' Ah din't have nuthin' ta do wif it. An' Ah gots plenny o' witnesses thet'll be willing ta swear ta thet inna court o' law.
See ya in tha funny papers, mofos!
Ah wuz ROBBED!
