Most Funny Condom Jokes

[Poonam22]

A woman asks the pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms.

The pharmacist replies, "Yes, would you like to buy one?"

The woman says, "No, but do you mind if I stand here and wait to see if anyone buys one?"


Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'How about a blow job?'...and she's always sound asleep!"

[Goddess Emma Love]

Too funny. LOL!

[Jessika Sweetz]

Haha funny

[biomed1]

I recall my first time with a condom. I was 16. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Oak pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Dolores) knew what they were for.

She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, 'No, not really.'

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure

I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it were empty. It was. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on, Vince?' she asked. I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.

She then beat the shit out of me....


Women have always been hard for me to figure out.

[Poonam22]

Thanks for reply my post.
Nice to meet you guys.

[acp5762]

Everybody likes a good Condom joke, so here's one too. A young boy goes into a Pharmacy to buy a condom. He asks the Pharmacist how much they cost. The Pharmacist replies one dollar. So the boy says, I'll take one. The Pharmacist rings it up and says that'll be one dollar and nine cents. The boy replies, I thought it was one dollar, what's the nine cents for? The Pharmacist replies, tax. The boy replies back, oh so that's how they stay on. Whow.

[rodog44]

This is no joke. I was in line at a store and there was a kid ahead of me. It was prom night and he was dressed in his finest. When he got to the register he told the lady what he wanted. She said the two or six. He says what do you mean. She says the pack with two or six. He thought a minute and said you better give me the six. I was cracking up. I told the kid I liked his style and asked if he was sure that was enough.

[RedLeg505]

Originally Posted by rodog44

This is no joke. I was in line at a store and there was a kid ahead of me. It was prom night and he was dressed in his finest. When he got to the register he told the lady what he wanted. She said the two or six. He says what do you mean. She says the pack with two or six. He thought a minute and said you better give me the six. I was cracking up. I told the kid I liked his style and asked if he was sure that was enough.

Thank god he had enough sense to buy some BEFORE HAND at least.