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milkcow · 03-13-2017, 12:49 PM

The dynamics of the situation if entirely new to me. How does a gentleman handle himself when meeting a lady for the first time? We should be far more beholding to her than she is to us.

Am I wrong in thinking time spent "inside the hobby" is little different than time spent "outside the hobby"?

BK · 03-13-2017, 01:08 PM

Watch the show Deadwood... then do the opposite. Treat people the way you wish to be treated.

Hogfan69 · 03-13-2017, 01:53 PM

Once that door shuts behind you, if you're unsure what to do,just be polite and let her guide you.

watchoutthegameisrigged · 03-13-2017, 02:15 PM

BK's reference to the Golden Rule is a great place to start, end and keep in mind in the middle. There are many things in this world different than the real world but that is not one of them.

But I understood your question more in terms of the mechanics of the situation. The best thing you can do here is pick your companions very wisely, which eliminates the vast majority of the things that can go wrong here. You are new and unless you want to divulge a whole lot of personal info about yourself (don't), you are going to have to find a newbie friendly lady. There are some here and they have their own ways of screening you. Research is your best friend in this world and I strongly urge you to spend plenty of time at it.

Once you have zeroed in on a lady you want to try this with, PM her here. That shows that you are a member, which helps some, but does not necessarily get you through the door (at least not doors you necessarily want to walk through). Be a total gentleman, introduce yourself and let the lady know you are interested in seeing her. You are new so do this WAY before your desired date to give her plenty of time to do whatever she needs to do to feel comfortable. DO NOT make any mention of sex or money, a good rule to follow at all times but critical when you are new. Doing so will likely kill any communication dead in its tracks. You are an unknown here right now, but see a couple of ladies, write a couple of reviews, ask them if you can use them for a reference, etc., and you will be amazed how quickly this world opens up to you. Engage in some back and forth communication to "get to know" each other some but don't fall into the appearance of just wanting to chat. These ladies want to communicate with customers or potential customers, not guys wasting their time. Be polite in all communications.

So great, you have a date set! I will write this from the point of view of an incall because your odds of being successful in an outcall situation as a newbie are generally pretty remote (at least with anybody you necessarily want to meet). PM her the day before if you don't have her phone number (you will need it at some point) to confirm. I generally text a lady that I am on my way when I leave my house or work. Then text them when you get there (on time). At that point you will get a room number, apartment number or whatever. Give a gentle knock. She will likely open the door standing behind it and immediately close it behind after you step in (so step in).

Greet her with a smile and the manner of a gentleman. Just say hello. A light kiss and hug are usually in order about that time but, unless she does otherwise, keep it light at first. She may want to sit and chat a few minutes to get more comfortable with you. Do it. You are going to be nervous and that chat helps both of you. These ladies have seen lots of nervous men and they know how to handle that. Somewhere early in all this, make sure she sees you discreetly place the envelope in an obvious spot (if she has a website, she may tell you how she wants this handled). Make no mention of it and DO NOT hand it to her. Also make no mention of sex acts. From there, the two of you can make it up as you go along - and as Hogfan said, she will guide you if you appear a bit lost.

It should go without saying that the donation should always be correct and that you should show up clean, or get that way quick. When I come from home, I have always stepped out of the shower no longer than an hour ahead of our start time. If I come from work, I always make sure they are OK with me grabbing a quick shower at their place. No one has ever told me no.

That's the way I would do it. Others may well have points that I missed. But this is a good start.

Guest110920 · 03-13-2017, 02:31 PM

Sage advice. I would add, after you get behind closed doors and are ready to get started, don't be shy about telling the lady what you like and want. From what several have told me, they vastly prefer that to having to guess, and perhaps guessing wrong and you not getting the experience you want (within their specific limits, of course).

Also, similar to the Golden Rule comments, a little basic respect for the lady goes a long way. A smile and a friendly attitude surely help as well.

Discretion goes both ways, and is highly valued by both client and provider. Just like you don't want them calling any attention to you, don't do anything to call attention to them either. The idea is to blend into the surroundings as much as possible.

Vannah · 03-13-2017, 02:34 PM

Great advice, Watchout! You can't go wrong listening to him!

Ginger Doll · 03-13-2017, 02:37 PM

Agreed with Watchout, all except this...

Quote:

Originally Posted by watchoutthegameisrigged

...You are new and unless you want to divulge a whole lot of personal info about yourself (don't), you are going to have to find a newbie friendly lady. There are some here and they have their own ways of screening you. Research is your best friend in this world and I strongly urge you to spend plenty of time at it....

You will need to divulge personal info to ensure the provider that you do not a pose a threat to her. "Newbie friendly" does not mean that they will just jump in with anyone… It means that they are willing to use alternative forms of screening, versus references. But there will still be screening.

The key is to do your research, and make sure you are giving your info to a reputable newbie friendly provider.

While disclosing personal information might feel uncomfortable, keep in mind that the lady is asking for it for her safety. And you yourself are much safer with a provider who screens, versus one who doesn't ask any questions.

If you don't feel comfortable giving your personal information directly to a provider, join preferred 411. They will use personal info to screen you, and having a preferred membership will give you more credibility from the start. There's no guarantee that the provider will see you solely based on their approval, though. She still may have questions of her own.

Guest110920 · 03-13-2017, 02:41 PM

Yes, totally agree with Ginger on P411. The best decision I made when I started was signing up for it. It just makes things SO much easier, and as Ginger said, gives you at least some instant credibility once they verify you as a member. Then once you get 2-3 "okays" under your belt, most doors are open to you.

watchoutthegameisrigged · 03-13-2017, 02:51 PM

P411 was (and still is) a big help to me as well. As to Ginger's point, while I understand the need for SOME info from an unproven newbie, if and when the questions become of a nature that he becomes uncomfortable, it may be time for him to rethink his choice. Obviously SOME info is required. But I have seen some screening forms that wanted my real name, where I work, etc. That is not happening. You do have to give that info to P411 when you join but I see that in a different light.

BK · 03-13-2017, 03:24 PM

P411 is needed if you travel and intend to play in multiple cities. Not everyone uses this site, but almost all are on P411. If you only plan to play locally, you might save the expenses and still be ok once verified.

Hogfan69 · 03-13-2017, 03:56 PM

If you're at a hotel, be very discreet when knocking on the door. She's expecting you and no one needs the extra attention

Guest110920 · 03-13-2017, 05:48 PM

Oh, here's another one: Show up on time (as Watchout said). That doesn't just mean 'not late', it also means 'not early'. Even 5 minutes early, there's a good chance she's still getting ready.

I'm pretty paranoid about being late so usually I'll arrive somewhere nearby about 10 minutes early and hang out until time.

Ginger Doll · 03-13-2017, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SpankyJ

Oh, here's another one: Show up on time (as Watchout said). That doesn't just mean 'not late', it also means 'not early'. Even 5 minutes early, there's a good chance she's still getting ready.

Completely agree with this! I had a client show up over an hour early once. It was an early morning appointment, as it was. So naturally, he caught me looking frazzled and frantically sucking down caffeine. Not exactly the first impression I aim for.

WMJ4657 · 03-13-2017, 05:57 PM

Another thing that will help especially in the long term is be respectful not only during the session but in comments you make on the board. The ladies read & take notice. The old adage of if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing is pretty good rule.

Guest110920 · 03-14-2017, 05:48 AM

Never give out a provider'a phone number. Why? See here: https://eccie.net/showthread.php?t=2002064

That includes stuff like not posting it in reviews. I recommend always just saying something like 'she will provide after verification' in that section of the review.