Lives of Quiet Desperation

[JessicaKnightly]

The topic of intimacy and married men came up in another thread and made me think of this. How many married men have turned to this hobby out of a desperate need that they couldn't find in their marriage? I have met many men that have gone years in a sexless marriage (two men that went over 10 years) before going the route of hiring a provider.

One of my clients told me he had thought he was looking for sex (which his wife had stop giving him after the birth of their now 7 yr old), but discovered he was really looking for intimacy. Someone to talk to, someone to hold hands with, someone to show him the attention he so lacked at home.

There are so many men in loveless, sexless marriages that gravitate towards seeing providers. We all have a human desire to be loved. I realize some providers will say, "that's not my job" and that's fine. But, I can't help having a soft spot for these that need what I have an abundance to give.

The worst thing is these men often feel guilty for being human and having basic human needs. We all need to be loved, touched, hugged, etc.

Are there any men in here that fit this description? Or are you all just a bunch of horn dogs looking for a wet spot to pound for an hour or two?

[London Rayne]

Ever hear of match.com? Wow. If it is one thing I have learned through years in this business, is everyone has a damn sad story...I would like to get both sides of it for once. I had a wife find my email in her husband's phone, and you know what SHE said? "I am the one who always has to beg for sex...he won't touch me." She also said they had twins at home who were just six months old! Let's give him a fkin medal shall we.

Hmm...yea. I buy that 'some' men's wives won't touch them, but I am not that naive to believe all of them. I too get bored with the same person, but guess what...that's why I am SINGLE!

Most men will flat out tell you even if their wife still wanted to have sex, they would still cheat. Why? Because they seek something new, and when all you do is stare at naked pics of hot 18 year olds and you have a sagging, aging wife at home, you're bound to lose interest. This is not about judgement either, but it is about reality and rationalization so some can feel better about what they do. If I am not happy in a relationship, I leave!

Most men flat out say they are only staying because "It's cheaper to keep her." Touching lol.

You can't "buy" intimacy...you can buy an illusion. You keep using the word love, which I find utterly amusing. So, you can love a guy who only sees you ONE time? It's not a puppy, and again you can't BUY LOVE!

You're new, but stick around for a while and you will see what I mean. I was married twice and never stopped having sex, so I don't buy that all wives are prudish bitches who lose interest just because. If anything, ask the guys what they stopped doing to cause her to lose interest. Maybe, they stopped shaving their ass, washing their balls, and paying attention to her? Hmmm...

[proudoftexas]

In all of these kinds of conversations, I always wonder what the other side would say.

I'll never say the person telling the story is lying. But many times there's a gross lack of perspective. And some times there's an agenda involved, specifically to purposefully create sympathy.

There are many relationships out there where one partner or the other is made to feel unworthy of love. I can see how someone like you could make a difference in the life of someone who feels that way.

[London Rayne]

That's right lol. Call Jessica if you want someone to cry with, and call me when you just want a bj.

FYI, many men seek escorts for more than just a hole to fill, or we would not have 2 and 3 hour minimums. It's still about the bottom line. When I get paid NOT to fk, I will know it's about more than sex ha ha. Has yet to happen, unless his pee pee did not work.

[JessicaKnightly]

Originally Posted by London Rayne

That's right lol. Call Jessica if you want someone to cry with, and call me when you just want a bj.
.

That's a great idea! London and I should do doubles. I'll hold your hand while she gives you head. I'll listen to your problems while you lick her...wait, that won't work. How about, I'll hold your hand while you lick her pussy and then you can tell me about your problems while she blows you. There, that's it.
Just as long as I can watch.

[London Rayne]

That is some funny shit girl, and you are HOT as hell, so any time bwahahaha!

I don't mean to put down what you find beneficial, so I am sorry. It's just not how I approach this business, and it does take all kinds. I am grateful to you women who actually do, and CAN, provide that because I never could.

[SidneyStarr]

Yeah I hear the stories, but what get s me is the guys that say they are married to the sexiest woman ever, they are having great sex and yet, they still see providers. Total downer. My guy friend said today that men are wired differently. They have a genetic impulse to spread their seed. So there, LOL. Straight from the horses mout

[JessicaKnightly]

He can spread his seed all over me... while I watch him and London.

[mikkifine]

Some men just like variety. Maybe the wifey is getting a little strange on the side without him knowing. What is good for the goose is good for the gander.

[London Rayne]

I get the variety aspect because as I said, I am the very same way. I have never "cheated" on a mate, but I've also not stayed around that long. Once it gets redundant, I'm out. I used to be all clingy and caught up in most men who paid attention to me, but once I got to the hobby that shit changed. Now, I am totally content NOT having a man in my life at all.

People who lead lives of desperation, generally don't do anything to change that. All they want to do is blame shift and remain unhappy, then find some outlet. Sex is no different than using drugs or alcohol to make you "feel better about yourself" for a short time.

Of course there are some truly great men who have been dealt a bad hand, but if you buy that same story from ALL of them, I have a bridge to sell you. Most men hobby because of their ego, and not their emotions...hey, it's "just sex" right? BS! Too many "I fell for a hooker" threads contradict that.

So yes, I do believe many men are here looking for more than sex, but I also know that not all women here signed up for that. Many don't want the added guilt of giving MORE than sex.

[*GoddessDallas*]

Some men want a classy woman who is intelligent, compassionate, and sincerely wants to listen to them...in a VERTICAL position.
Not ALL men want a BBBJ, CIM or COF.

[gigi_gypsy]

Originally Posted by JessicaKnightly

There are so many men in loveless, sexless marriages that gravitate towards seeing providers. We all have a human desire to be loved. I realize some providers will say, "that's not my job" and that's fine. But, I can't help having a soft spot for these that need what I have an abundance to give.

The worst thing is these men often feel guilty for being human and having basic human needs. We all need to be loved, touched, hugged, etc.

Are there any men in here that fit this description? Or are you all just a bunch of horn dogs looking for a wet spot to pound for an hour or two?

Most of the men I see don't talk about their wives or situation. I generally direct the conversation in another direction - something more fun or for them to step out of that part of their lives.

There are a couple of regulars who I can just sense that they are missing the "basic human need" (as Jessica points out) who may or may not be getting elsewhere. There is a mixture of those who can penetrate and those who cannot. The ones who cannot, to me, prove the point of them just needing to be "loved, touched, and hugged".

I am truly touched emotionally by these men and am delighted to be able to share the exchange of energy with them.

[London Rayne]

This is true, but kindly link me to some reviews that say ONLY "hugging, talking, and crying" in the ROS.

They might want that as well, but most escort dates either start or end with the things you mentioned. I have yet to see a girl make it in this business, from JUST talking. I've had guys drop six bills for only a handjob, but they still got OFF. The only time I have been paid and not had sex of some kind, was for a meet and greet to see if we would have sex in the future.

I mean let's get real here for a minute. A "classy" lady as you say, would have no need to be posting her naked body all over the net, if she is ONLY looking to attract men who are NOT seeking her for sexual reasons. Last I checked, most of us do in fact show some body parts, or at the very least what our figure looks like. They are not exactly staring into our hearts and minds, with our tits and ass hanging out. So, if what you present contradicts what you're saying...well, ooops. If I were here to attract guys with my mind, I would post my transcripts and my resume, not photos of my body so they can see how much I weigh and how big my boobs are. I would also not link to my reviews which do what...give them an account of what I deliver SEXUALLY.

Originally Posted by *GoddessDallas*

Some men want a classy woman who is intelligent, compassionate, and sincerely wants to listen to them...in a VERTICAL position.
Not ALL men want a BBBJ, CIM or COF.

[proudoftexas]

Originally Posted by London Rayne

This is true, but kindly link me to some reviews that say ONLY "hugging, talking, and crying" in the ROS.

They might want that as well, but most escort dates either start or end with the things you mentioned. I have yet to see a girl make it in this business, from JUST talking. I've had guys drop six bills for only a handjob, but they still got OFF. The only time I have been paid and not had sex of some kind, was for a meet and greet to see if we would have sex in the future.

I mean let's get real here for a minute. A "classy" lady as you say, would have no need to be posting her naked body all over the net, if she is ONLY looking to attract men who are NOT seeking her for sexual reasons. Last I checked, most of us do in fact show some body parts, or at the very least what our figure looks like. They are not exactly staring into our hearts and minds, with our tits and ass hanging out. So, if what you present contradicts what you're saying...well, ooops. If I were here to attract guys with my mind, I would post my transcripts and my resume, not photos of my body so they can see how much I weigh and how big my boobs are. I would also not link to my reviews which do what...give them an account of what I deliver SEXUALLY.

You're a blast, London.

Some counter thoughts.

1) There is no doubt that in the end, hobbyists looking on escort related sites are looking for some kind of pseudo guaranteed intimacy. If we weren't, we'd be spending our online time looking at eharmony, match.com, etc.. If we were looking for someone to discuss our issues with, we'd seek out a psychologist/psychiatrist/religious figure. Frankly, there's a good chance they've tried those avenues in some capacity. Goodness knows I have to some extent.

2) That said, there's a fantasy for many men that the guaranteed intimacy is also going to come with some kind of attention being focused on us, whether real or feigned, that's not necessarily physical in nature.

Not all men, for sure. And those men are usually the ones most baffled by why anyone would pay a premium for a provider. Just get your rocks off for the best price possible by someone you're willing to fuck, and move on to the next one. The nice thing about those men is that there's no issue with them becoming clingers, but if the customer base only consisted of those men, it would put a big price compression on providers, too.

However, the very men you're whining about, are often the kind of personality types who are willing to pay the highest premiums for longer sessions. And they're certainly the men who keep the experienced escorts well heeled. Not to say you shouldn't whine about them. That crap would be irritating as all get out. But there is a value to having that kind of personality involved in the business, at least on the provider side. For most hobbyists, and the prices hobbyists end up paying, it would be better if they kept out altogether.

3) You're being completely obtuse with your suggestion to find reviews talking about "ONLY hugging, talking, and crying."

Why do men write reviews? There's only a few reasons I can think of. They either want the free credit, or they feel a sense of obligation to contribute to a community through reviews because of the value they've personally derived. Well, and I guess the very male desire to brag about bedroom exploits, which is ingrained in all of guys. And, if the person was good, to hopefully send more business their way, or if they were bad, to hold them accountable or otherwise get some kind of perceived payback for the bad experience.

But there is a risk in writing a review. It's a harsh audience. You don't have to have access to ROS to see that. There are certainly plaudits for a well written, or otherwise effective review, but guys who don't give adequate information, or write poorly, or otherwise do not appease the Coliseumesque audience, are thoroughly pummelled.

The reaction to some poor bastard who wrote he spent his $300+/hr "hugging, talking, and crying" would only be solved by signing up under another handle. It would simply be unacceptable. Which is not to say such session don't occur, although I'm sure it's extraordinarily rare. I can't even conceive of the notion of something like that appearing in a review. And as I've indicated, if it did, the person would have to get a different handle.

4) One of the things I actually like about these message boards, is that I do get a chance to peek into the hearts and minds of providers. And, actually, that is important to me. Although I do understand it's not to the vast majority of people. I spent a long time trying to figure out who in the world I would contact, and I can say with a great deal of certainty if I hadn't liked her posting style on Eccie, I wouldn't have.

That said, this industry is not going to survive depending on my personality type, so I'm more of the exception that proves the rule. In other words, I agree with what you're saying, I just know for a fact it's not universal.

[JessicaKnightly]

Originally Posted by proudoftexas

You're being completely obtuse with your suggestion to find reviews talking about "ONLY hugging, talking, and crying."

Why do men write reviews? There's only a few reasons I can think of. They either want the free credit, or they feel a sense of obligation to contribute to a community through reviews because of the value they've personally derived. Well, and I guess the very male desire to brag about bedroom exploits, which is ingrained in all of guys. And, if the person was good, to hopefully send more business their way, or if they were bad, to hold them accountable or otherwise get some kind of perceived payback for the bad experience.

But there is a risk in writing a review. It's a harsh audience. You don't have to have access to ROS to see that. There are certainly plaudits for a well written, or otherwise effective review, but guys who don't give adequate information, or write poorly, or otherwise do not appease the Coliseumesque audience, are thoroughly pummelled.

The reaction to some poor bastard who wrote he spent his $300+/hr "hugging, talking, and crying" would only be solved by signing up under another handle. It would simply be unacceptable. Which is not to say such session don't occur, although I'm sure it's extraordinarily rare. I can't even conceive of the notion of something like that appearing in a review. And as I've indicated, if it did, the person would have to get a different handle.

Most of the men I see don't write reviews. Even though most of these men could write a very good one, they just don't like to write them and that's fine. But, I have also had a few men that wouldn't want the detail put in a review. And YES many of them never did cum.

Sometimes, they don't want sex, they will pay my full rate and not want sex. Sometimes, they can't get it up. ED can be a problem. Although, those men often spend the whole time DATY pleasing me. I had a couple guys cum in their pants before I could get them unbuttoned and then when I shrugged it off and said round two will be better, they opted to not stay for a second try. (Maybe they were embarrassed). Then I've had the marathoners, you know, the ones that can fuck for hours and never can cum. That sucks for both of us. These guys typically have this issue with everyone and so they are used to the frustration (more than I am), but we just take a break (sometimes sleep on it) and try, try again. But, these are more the exceptions to the rule and not the typical.