Hobbyist/Provider Mentality. Whats yours?

[kymberlane]

For a while, I feel I was getting in too deep. I couldnt imagine going on a date in my personal life without getting something in return. And sheesh, you feel entitled to fuck me because you bought me a steak dinner, lol. So I quit dating and preferred to befriend my massage clients--and quite frankly that works(worked) for me. However, over the past few months I have really cut back and have noticed that there is a huge difference between my "normal" world and this one. Its been hard functioning in both. I was given some relationship advice recently by a hobbyist, and even though he tried not to, he spewed hobby bullshit. That was no help at all. I dont think the 2 worlds can coincide with each other in harmony.

My mentality? not sure. I know I was on the border of completely being jaded and being objectified, placing value on myself based on things other than the fact that I am pretty freaking smart and have much more to me than boobs.

What is your mentality? Can you separate the 2 worlds or does one compliment the other in your life?

[Guest071313-5]

I think I can and do separate the two "worlds" fairly easy. As a hobbyist I think it's easier because really, the only reason a married guy would do this is to fill a need that's not being met elsewhere, or he's a dog, or a sex addict, etc. etc., take your pick. So there's motivation to do it.

As a provider, I would assume that the only motivation is financial reasons. Now I know that maybe, just maybe their are providers out there that love it, but.... They aren't gonna give it out for free or they would go broke. So it ends back up at the financial reason.

So while both of the examples above are needs, the motivations are different. And with different motivations you are gonna look at things differently. In the hobbyist example above, this world is an escape from his "normal" world so it's a welcomed distraction. In the provider example, her "normal" world has to coexist with this world because its her chosen profession...and a way to pay her bills, eat, vacation, buy things she wants, etc.

So to pinpoint in on your last paragraph questions; can you separate the two worlds and does one compliment the other?... I would say it depends on the individuals motivation for having two "worlds" to begin with.

[bojulay]

I mostly just think about boobs. Just kidding.

In a lot of ways this is more honest if nether person is
playing any games.

Less hurt feelings and you both know what it's all about.

Just requires mutual respect more than anything.

She is expected to offer good service and he is expected
to offer....well you know.

[Becca Blossoms]

For me, I have to keep the two worlds seperate, I don't cross that line or allow clients to cross that line.

[awl4knot]

I am not sure I understand the issue. If the question is can people maintain two lives (real & hobby), then the answer is generally, "yes.". It seems that most deminonders (is that a word?) do it fairly well, with some notable exceptions often caused by guilt, carelessness and jealousy.

If the question is can you savor personal relationships with hobby folk, my answer is rarely and without great difficulty. The reasons have been fully discussed here too many times.

If you are conflicted, choose one. Your life may not be so full, but it will be easier on your mental health. Sorry Adele, but sometimes you can't have it awl.

[pyramider]

Hobbyists can compartmentalize things like emotions very well. Thinck of Tiger Woods ... e was playing golf at its highest level AND maintaining multiple relationships plus the one nighters. Now Tiger is on the extreme of compartmentalizing things but I am sure you get my drift.

Its okay to enjoy the company of some of your clients. I am sure some of them are very interesting people. If they are regulars I am sure its easy to get attached. But you need to remember why they are on your table.

[AntonioII]

I have found keeping everything separate can be easy and rewarding for all partners that share.
Pensacola

[plainjoe]

I meet a lady who has stopped dating in real life because she states that it was too hard to compartmentalize her life and life style. She has embraced a swinger's life and does not date in real life. It was a choice on her part.
As beezdat has stated, for most gents, we have not choice but to compartmentalize our hobby.
Good luck in working out your dilemma. All else, be careful, as they stated in Ghost Busters, bad things happen when the streams cross (or something similar).

[Wakeup]

Wait...why do the two world have to be separate again? I'm happy living one life thanks...

[Redd Rozay]

Originally Posted by Wakeuр

Wait...why do the two world have to be separate again? I'm happy living one life thanks...

+1..... Shhhh... Don't tell anybody I agreed with Wakeup! LOL

[NinaBrooke]

I think the real life is not a "quid pro quo" mentality and the escort one is. And as others pointed out with the "compartmentalizing" I agree here, too. It tends to get complicated if both lines of life interfere. You probably have to change too much which might not be worth it for either one of the parties involved.

[Ed Highlight]

For me - I have to maintain the double-life and keep each separate and in the proper perspective. Married family guy and suave, debonair horndog works perfectly as long as I remember when to be which....You single folks tend to be the ones where the line gets blurry....I know my limitations.

[kymberlane]

I guess I was wondering if anyone's train of thoughts pertaining to the hobby ever interject itself into your personal life/relationships? Do you have a hard time shaking the hobby mentality when you have to deal with someone in real life. I compartmentalize as well, and to be honest, the hobby has made it so much easier to do so, scarily easy. Detachment has become second nature lol.

[ICU 812]

Real-World Dating: While there is no explicit sex-for-dinner quid pro quo, if the relationship is to continue it eventually has to become intimate. . . .even if neither party is involved with The Hobby.

If you are out on a date with someone you do not feel attracted to and comfortable ehough with to eventually be intimate with there should not be many more "dates" with that person.

Dating is how we develop the level of mutual respect and trust that allows us to be not just naked together, but emotionally and physically intimate.

[canuckvic]

The most important thing is to base your life on what is comfortable for you not what society or hobby says. I have relationships that are on one side or the other only but I also have a few that I have on both sides and I'm extremely happy and comfortable with that. We are human after all and we can have friendships in any avenue of life but it has to start with you.