an APOLOGY, EXPLANATION, A confession a THANKS and A need For CHANGE..Retirement? or Exclusive till Transitioned- AFTER 15 years...

[marisaofdallas]

Moderators, bear with me, I hope Ive posted this in a proper forum and I pray I havent violated any terms or conditions

I had to think long and hard before posting this, it took 6 hours to create, edit, re-write and share this before I got the nerve to

I am very sorry to say that in the last week I have been harrassed, ridiculed, demeaned, insulted, namecalled, judged and continually threatened by what seems like 7-8 people and yet it all may be THE SAME PERSON.......

I understand alot of people have alot of different opinions about women in my business and alot of different personal experiences.

The funny thing is, that I never receive hateful emails from anyone that has actually met me or had dealings with me.

Let me start by saying that in the last few days since I left that vet"s office, the person at No RL Info Bubba3452 has been sending me VERY HURTFUL, MEAN and THREATENING and RIDICULING lengthy emails and text messages from an apparent iphone APP that allow ssomeone to change their number, so it appears it actually is coming from my number.

He threatened me with negative posts on the board and was saying his objective to "destroy" me was his best idea ever...


He has gone so far as to contact my parents and my ex husband ( YES THE DALLAS POLICE DETECTIVE) and my ex employers ....and ridiculed them for their association with me.

My parents and my ex employer are very well aware of what I do for a living , so it didnt hurt me in any way, BUT IT CONCERNED THEM that anyone would go that far to hurt someone they had never met --

whether the basis of his hate is religious based or their thoughts on me possibly being a racist against blacks( WHICH I AM NOT!!) which is so far the only known reason this person may also be upset...

NO its not a personal friend or ex or anyone thaht knows me.

When they contacted every ex employer and current employment resources on my professional resume, this was a serious blow to my immediate future plans..
Although they say it wouldnt affect my consideration for emplyment, WHAT DO YOU REALLY THINK?

Hobbyists have been crossing the line with me , again and again

Operating in unethical and less than professional ways , its reached an all time peak the last 2 years.

If the shoe were on the other foot I would never have a career again...


This is what most guys dont think about before judging me and my choices...

There are other things that have occurred, although not allowed to discuss everything

I had been thinking to explain and clarify alot about what misconceptions people have had about who I am and what has happened to me these last 2 years

I feel a responsiblilty to explain and let you know how much I realize my silence and unavailability may have been taken as a rude way of purposely ignoring some of you.....IT IS NOT,

.There is alot i should have disclosed sooner, but as you can see, sometimes the effect of me doing so is to be met with complete negativity and BS

I am UNHAPPY, very very UNHAPPY- but I am not sure whether its conditional due to events that have occurred recently OR because of the MANY events over the last year, OR maybe IM BURNT OUT, or maybe after falling in love last September ( it ended in December) my perspective on what happiness was, completely was thrown for a loop-

AND maybe after losing my 12 year old son to an anaphylactic reaction/cardiac arrest 5 weeks ago-

I now am less than stable and able to provide the services which I am accustomed to ..

I admit it..

Maybe its ALL THE ABOVE

Its not like I didnt spend years and YEARS giving amazing service without a problem or complaint or bad review

I truly have paid my dues and for those that say I have no right to ask for help or that I need to get a "real job", or that I live beyond my means , am so DRAMA, or I suck at what i do....and especially for those that call me a liar...

First i ask, how can these type of people BE ON A "FAN" group???
This post is especially for you.......


After 15 years as a provider, I STILL LOVE WHAT I DO...

I however have run into more problematic and uninspiring events than a human being can handle.I am lonley, heartbroken and fearful of my future and have seen more crazy and "line crossing" events these last 2 years than I had ever seen my entire career as a provider.

I have been physically hurt ( see last years posts), emotionally drained and being lied to, dissappointed by not only my clients ,but my closest friends and family members has taken its toll.....extreme loneliness and isolation is a common problem in this business, that AND NOW dealing with the loss of my son and some form of depression/ anxiety I am sure IT IS TIME that I need to ask to take a step back.


I need a serious break from "entertaining", I need some time to re_evaluate and to be someone other than "Marisa of Dallas"


I have given 15 years and sacrificed SO MANY THINGS so that I could provide a quality and standard of services, which maintained to be THE BEST for so many years, to you

I have always put you guys FIRST, I always loved you and thought of you as human beings that had needs that I could uniquely take care of

I never thought of you as ATMs, wallets or gullible "clients"

I have always respected you, listened to you, and to many of you, I ASSISTED you FINANCIALLY in times of need..

I gave up my children in name and put myself in an upscale living situation and have paid highly for the opportunity to provide you with a unique safe and discreet experience..


I was a loving , willing girl that never said NO and was never too busy or too tired to provide a service and burn the candle at both ends...making me one of the nation s TOP 5 escorts..


I pushed the limits of myself physically and like a well trained athlete, contstantly made it my goal to perfect the ability to take it harder, deeper, longer and do it better THAN MOST...

For over 15 years, I made friends and associations that treated me better than anyone had in my lifetime, it was addictive to have so much love and attention , admiration and respect and most of all...MONEY and stability..

YOU GUYS did wonders for me and my life 15 years ago when I was given the opportunity to be a part of what used to be a unique bunch of "reviewed/upscale" escorts, we were a rare bunch then...


I always thought of extras other girls didnt have, like unique gifts,offering rare fetishes and spending personal time at no extra cost to you...

I was available to you and for you and I have always been faithful and LOYAL and operated in an ethical and professional manner

I dressed impeccably in garters and corsets and always was excited to see you and very affectionate, ...i never held back, what happened with me was always VERY REAL

I made friends with so many of you,many clients over and over again, have been my best friends, when suddenly they dont call one day- or come by or answer any calls or texts....it happens and has happened for years, I would be left wondering what happened to our "friendship" .

I then was reminded, I was an escort...a lady that always had to understand why all of a sudden you never called me or replied to any of my messages, I always acted like a lady and properly respected your privacy and needs over my selfish and childish pains of why I was left to feel abandoned and dissappointed...

I have had more practical jokes, mean and threatening emails/texts and heart breaking LOW BLOW ridicule and exhausting conversations and srguments about bad behavior and mannerless kids calling me for services.

I also am having one too many incidents of physical violence, timewasting pranks, ridiculous expectations and the "hobbying" society as a whole has changed their standards and expectations..the anonymous revolving door and love for a more personal experience has left the building

It seems it is the end of an ERA....(?)
....
Ive always been honest, open and wore my heart on my sleeve

Ive been misunderstood and labeled as a drama queen and sometimes a bitch, and I confess and apologize, I probably have been those things unintentionally...

My sadness and my tears now come from a place of "what do I do now?"and feelings of extreme confusion as to how things ever got "bad"

I have an extreme feeling of failure

I was an intelligent, degreed woman that like many women in this industry suffered with a need to be accepted, loved and I wanted to succeed, be financially independent and escape the control of others I was reliant on ever again,

I wanted to escape the dramatics and abuse of relationships and family and I really wanted to be the best at something.

I wanted to feel like I was a part of something good and positive...

I was a child that was adopted, only to have abusive parents that pushed me away when I sought my biological family..it was amazing how easy it was for them to dispose of someone, much like my clients do..LOL


I was a degreed legal professional that had so many opportunities and yet chose to live a life so different than what I was raised or used to,,,

I was a woman whom had married a cop- had a child with him, almost married an attorney ( had a child from him) and yet, and worked for No RL Info Bubba3452 for 14 years before i became pregnant by him.....

There was a pattern...

Because of infedelity and a lack of commitment from men, and a constant ability to sexually attract and control and manipulate with my body and skills....and ultimately catching my fiancee in 1996 with a provider- ( we are now friends here on the board)


I decided to become a provider....

Through my years as a provider, I have admittedly spent foolishly, and tried buying peoples love and friendships at times. I even did that with my family and parents, funny thing was, it seemed true, as long as I had money, I could have the illusion of friends family and "having my shit together"

What money i didnt lose through spending as a younger woman, I lost through attorney fees in divorce and CPS battles, then having ovarian and uterine cancer

I had then saved, and lost MORE money by trying to help others in some Stupid need I had for gratification.
As if hearing "thank you" was going to fulfill some need.

I remember thinking i would have friends if I helped them out financially or always paid for something..HOW STUPID CAN I BE???

For the longest time, I thought I would be writing a retirement post because I had found a new opportunity or had found love or I had been rescued by someone and given a new opportunity to do something I love..

I have been taking cotinuing legal education classes, and seeking a new career as a medical transcriber and hoping to return to NURSING school, but with very little luck..and especially difficult to consider a new career, always having one foot in the providing door


I have joined an organization called New Friends New Life ( Preston Road Church of Christ) that has provided some emotional support, and given me an outlet to share, but due to the way the program and funding works, very little financial assistance is given in most cases..

I am praying that someone out there will be willing to consider an EXCLUSIVE ARRANGEMENT with me until I can find my new occupation, in exchange for all the time, and physical attention a man can handle...

AN exclusive arrangement with one client or a few, at this point I would operate UTR ( Under the Radar) or come COMPLETELY OFF THE MARKET.

This arrangement is one where I benefit financially by having my basic bills and necessities taken care of temporarily ...this would mean I am able to have time and make plans for healing and school or a new job, in exchange for a reasonable commitment from me to provide all the personal time I can to you. All negotiable


I need to save my life..

i need to save whats left of hope inside me for a better life...


I am hurting beyond belief and it took everything I had to post this message

I am begging for you to not ridicule or taunt me at this time..

I ask that you please hold any insensitive feelings and judgement until you at least ask me questions, or speak with me or meet with me

When you come to my home,and speak with me, look into my eyes and hold my hand or spend some time with me, I think you will see and feel a sincerity rarely seen in this business

I am someones daughter,someones Mother and someones Sister


I am just as worthy of asking for help and an opportunity to start a new life

I am brave enough to bear my soul and admit my mistakes and ask for forgiveness

because I truly want to see different things for myself and whether or not I continue as an escort, I really DO CARE WHAT YOU THINK OF ME AND THE LEGACY I LEAVE BEHIND


And I BEG your forgiveness, if I ever stepped on your toes or made you feel bad in any way, shape or form.

I beg your forgiveness if I ever acted unprofessionally or spoke to you in an unflattering manner...

I apologize for not being able to be available for services for many of you lately...

I humbly ask that you forgive me for any shortcomings and moments of weakness and temperment I have displayed.

I care about making things right, starting anew and making life a better place for you and me

I am fully aware and take full responsiblility for my role in my unhappiness and confusion

I also am humbly reminded of the fact that I would have never been here without you

I have needs that need to be met, financial and emotional, i have some advice, little resources and support.......I have no plan, no solution and I am running out of ideas and time


Can anyone offer any advice or help?

The last need I have is my rent due at 6 today, or I am locked out.

After that I have until Monday, I am on a rare agreement to buy the home, NOT A LEASE, and the 26 page agreement is one I REGRET ever signing...

I apologize for bringing this to this board, but I am offering something in exchange that is negotiable and anyone offering help, obviously has the advantage

I dont deserve to be worried about these things as my intentions are good and I am grieving,

I would like to say I was working hard last week, and then this sadness and inability to work came back

Last week i paid

897- TXU on 9.28
228- Dallas Water Utilities 9.28
112-T-mobile 9.26
325- Storage- 10.1
240- emergency vet- 10.3
500- vehicle downpayment

All of this was paid between sept 28 and October 2nd


I have receipts for this- if any of you need to see this...showing you guys


I do see a more cost efficient future and have planned things in a manner where my cost of living should be cut in half


RENT however will always be 1350 ( which is ridiculous for me to pay alone) and because of that, I have asked my landlord to release me from this house agreement , after several calls since MONDAY that were never returned, I came by the office yesterday and finally reached his secretary and his response was this:

From: Cynthi**** No RL info in posts Bubba3452
Date: Thu, Oct 6, 2011 at 2:09 PM
Subject: 3*** rton; default
To: marisaofdallas@gmail.com
Marisa:
I tried returning your calls you but your mailbox is full and would not
allow me to leave a message. Mr. No RL info in posts Bubba3452 understand that you
are struggling financially for several reasons . However, No RL info in posts Bubba3452is filing an eviction with the JP courts tomorrow and you are scheduled for a lockout at 6 p.m.. Please make proper arrangements for yourself and your animals.
If you intend to pay your rent on the 10th of this month (1480) as your
voicemail indicated, you will also be responsible for paying for the late fees, filing fees for the eviction and courier/service charges.

I hope you understand their position on the matter.


Cynt***** No RL info in posts Bubba3452
*****No RL info in posts Bubba3452
No RL Info Bubba3452



I have also posted on Craigslist today for the sale/ rehoming of some of my animals, including my 2 ferrets and my daschund puppy and my pit/boxer....

I am seeking a new place to live

THE SAD reality is, IF I MOVE< I WILL BE PAYING MORE THAN MY RENT

BUT I want out of this place, its too expensive and too big for just me,

but defaulting on my lease is not something i wanted, I asked him politely if I could find a tenant if he would be willing to release me

ALL HE can respond with is about the rent

I am doing my best to simplify, modify and downsize my life and expenses


SO please, if anyone can help there are several ways to do so even from a distance- please contact me

I wouldnt exactly call this a retirement post, its just exactly what Im feeling and unfortunately, what im needing

I REALLY appreciate the time youve taken to read my post...

If this post is innappropriate, in the wrong forum or contains any information not suitable, please feel free to make any changes necessary

contact me by email/phone call prefferably

And to all the Ladies and Gentleman here, I do love you very much and will always be grateful for your friendship and please bear with me as I decide which road I will take from here

I really want to retire soon, I just need a hand doing it...

Here is to hoping I will find an Angel of Mercy

And here is to hoping you all will forgive me and let me back into your good graces and into your heart again....

Respectfully and Humbly

214-315-9779
Marisa Anguiano

[Guest062518]

Pathetic. You are constantly begging for advancement from men for future service and always behind on your bills every single month. You always seem to have some emergency that needs immediate money. You seem to share your business with the world and get pissed if someone doesn't agree with you. Maybe you should find a really job and retire from this, since it isn't paying your bills.

[marisaofdallas]

A really job?
LOL

I am not angry and I can diplomatically listen to your viewpoint

What I can also say is that you can find a way to communicate what you want to say without being mean and childish namecalling

It really hurts me when you do that and it could lead to some seriously unecessary fighting..

You can judge my actions, and share your opinions and I knew posting this would invite all kinds of people, and I was prepared for that

I can see why you would say that, but you are very very wrong in thinking it is some bad alterior motive or reason behind why I have been failing



To admit and share my thoughts and mistakes is something that is VERY hard to do!

As much as Ive given and as many years as ive spent in this business, transitioning is NOT EASY- its not just "lets go get a job"

I wish it were all neat and clean like that,..

And as many years as Ive operated without need, your comment is pretty much WRONG

I am a degreed professional with the ability to work...just not sure how and when it will happen _ IM waiting...


I have not ALWAYS been in need..I have worked plenty and my reviews here speak for themselves-


Ive apologized and said what I needed to say, ive explained it, ive been very clear and Im sorry if you missed the part about WHY I havent been able to "keep up"


I HAVE NO LACK OF BUSINESS, but I have noticed a change in my ability to perform and the times I seem to be in the mood are less and less..

I dont think I can explain what its like, some days I just dont want anyone to even touch me anymore...I hope you can respect me sharing that with you

Its like one day I woke up and wasnt able to do something but STILL HAD TO FIGURE OUT how to get the income I needed..it hurts and it feels so terrible, I feel like I let myself down ...


Sometimes for personal reasons or stress, other times because I am making bad decisions and taking on too much responsibility in my personal life- things regarding my parents I care for now and the new responsibility of being a full time parent

And if you dont understand that, its because youre a COLD HEARTED person- some insensitive person that doesnt understand loss, pain, trauma or regret..

Dont judge until you know the entire story behind what youre seeing

you kick a person when they are down?- Did that make you feel better?

Did you get any pleasure from it?

THIS IS exactly what I am talking about- pretty easy to say coming from some anonymous TAG and your 10 reviews ( WHHOOOOOOO) arent you the seasoned one to speak?

WHy not sign it with your real name ,and then maybe I can actually give that a second thought.. now that takes some real cajones

Not eveyrone agrees with you..

MOST OF ALL, NOT ME

[trynagetlaid]

As I see it you are living (or trying to live) way beyond your means, and failing miserably. That in itself is enough to drive most normal people into deep depression, even if they are in perfect physical health.

When you were one of the Top 5 providers you should have bought yourself a house, built a nice nest egg, and been able to transition into the workplace easily, living off your earnings and saving your nest egg for emergencies and eventual retirement.

$897 for an electric bill? Do you keep your thermostat set at 40F?

[Guest062518]

A really job?
LOL

EXACTLY.


I am not angry and I can diplomatically listen to your viewpoint

What I can also say is that you can find a way to communicate what you want to say without being mean and childish name calling

Seriously- You can pretend on this site that you are sweet and innocent, all you want. But you in no way shape or form act like this anywhere else. Telling people to Fuck Off, to die, to not get in your way or you will harm them is your usual response when someone doesn’t agree with your pathetic begging after you miss manage your over spending is just annoying.





As much as Ive given and as many years as ive spent in this business, transitioning is NOT EASY- its not just "lets go get a job"

What have you given? A service for a fee!! That is what you have given just like any other provider on here Don’t need to glorify it.




Its like one day I woke up and wasnt able to do something but STILL HAD TO FIGURE OUT how to get the income I needed

You are a degreed profession..Get a job!! Stop living beyond your means.


And if you dont understand that, its because youre a COLD HEARTED person- some insensitive person that doesnt understand loss, pain, trauma or regret..

I am not Cold hearted and have been through as many issues as anyone else, I just didn’t spend my life repeating them and then making it someone elses problem.



you kick a person when they are down?- Did that make you feel better?

Please you seem to always be down and play the victim and lets not talk about kicking because you have a way of being very vindictive and you know it. Play innocent all you want it’s a front. You would be the first to kick someone down and ruin there life if they crossed you.



WHy not sign it with your real name ,and then maybe I can actually give that a second thought.. now that takes some real cajones

Why? So you can threaten me with your ex “Detective” husband, your Dallas judge, your ability to find and hurt people or what every else you threaten people with when they disagree with you?

[pmdelites]

i suggest anyone who posts offer encouragement and hope.
or just not post, debate, argue, or criticize.

the last thing i would want in a situation like her is people, who prolly dont know much about me other than what they read in my posts, telling me what i did, what i should have done, what i should be doing, and what i better be doing.

share empathy or concrete actionable advice -or- just keep on moving.

[coentrao]

We understand that life is difficult for you now but we want to know what you are doing to help yourself. I personally gave you money about two months ago when you were advertising your “pay for one visit and get another visit free deal.” Till this date, I’ve never been able to schedule a visit with you and I will probably never see my money again. If was easy to contact you to pay money, but when it came time to set up a visit, I could not get hold of you. I assume you have made descent money in this profession and it is sad that during tough times you have no “rainy day” fund. Life is tough… if I was in need of money and asked all the providers I’ve been with for help I guarantee you that I would not see a dime. I’m sure you have real suffering, but sometimes before you ask other people for help…you need to help yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFp-7Zr3ziw

[argus256]

The legal field is a growing field, you should get back into it.

Also, I have no sympathy for those that cant see the forest for the trees.

And you were a bitch to me once, youll really get no sympathy from me.

[marisaofdallas]

I dont know any other way to say it,
Ive apologized and even shared my deepest feelings with you

Look at the insensitivity you have toward me, even when I am at my weakest moment..

what kind of board supports bullying of a grieving mother?
a fellow member of your board is hurting and none of you can offer your support

I came to this board for support and for advice and to throw myself at they mercy of my own mistakes

Because I am alone and I have 2 little girls that need me to provide for them ( us) and I cant seem to pull it together ....

NO WONDER I am the way I am !!!

How stupid can you be to not recognize a cry for help?

I dont live beyond my means
I have plenty of calls
I am sorry for whatever Ive done to any of you

What can I say? I just dont want to be used sexually for money anymore ...

What part of this equasion are you not getting????

I didnt ask for any of this to happen to me

I didnt ask for anything

Ive made bad decisions, SO NOW WHAT?

That doesnt mean I deserve to lose anything I have

what advice do you have for a grieving situation? suck it up and SUCK A DICK anyway

ive given much more than just a service....
I gave everything I had and years of my life...

I have given so much love, concern and real companionship

and sacrificed my body, my family, my future, my chance at relationships, everything

I never half assed my business

NOT EVERYONE gives that

AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS sit in judgement of me and how you would have done this and that


I am a product of everything Ive been handed

I chose to be angry and bitter and I am not those things anymore most of the time

Yeah the 897 bill confused the hell outta me when i paid 476 on the 28th of July, but I was already behind I guess...

thats for TWO months

and as far as "easily transitioning" into a real job JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE MONEY doesnt make it easy...
there are other things to consider


You accuse me of being mean<

well if I was, look at where it got me, maybe you should learn from my mistakes..

I am better off if I would have never lived if this is what my living has to be like

Goodbye and Im sorry I tried to come to you all for help so I could leave this god damn business thats killing me

Laugh it up.

You win

[marisaofdallas]

Lets see you live my life and be handed everything ive been handed and lets see how damn cheery you would be

How many THOUSANDS of men do I have to service before being given some god damn empathy for my feeelings

and if I treated you mean, I definitely have had a reputation for dishing out and fighting against bad behavior and assholes, it wasnt like you were innocent, Im sorry im outspoken

but even if we had argued,even if you were my worst enemy, if I saw you lost your child, if I saw you hurting in a way so deep , I would give you the human compassion and concern most normal people have for each other

But thats asking too much from any of you..

[marisaofdallas]

PS thank you PMdelites, I have to agree, that was what I was hoping, that I would be able to return to work if I could just have more positive feedback from my community

I was looking for the kind words or advice from others to make a plan, instead all i get is ridiculed and accused of things by people I dont know and have never met, and for all I know I have never had any interaction with

I now realize why internet bullying has driven many to their demise


I hope every one of you that pointed a finger at me never has to feel like I do right now..

How lucky you are



I

[coentrao]

This is not bullying, so do not make yourself into a victim. For the last two months, all I've seen you do is ask for people to help you pay bills. You have taken advantage of the kindness of people and will continues to do so unless people start to recognize this nonsense. When I gave you my hard earn money, you had no intentions of ever meeting me or paying that money back. If I stole from a provider, it would not matter how depressed I was, they would write alerts about me on this board. I hope you can find happiness one day, but your should stop blaming others and do you best to get yourself out of this dark place in your life.

[marisaofdallas]

I took money from you and have NOT been available TO ANYONE, you are taking this way too personally, I never take advantage of anyone and have usually delivered as promise and I am grateful for what help you gave me

And when the time was right and I could return to work, I would start to do make up sessions

as far as why you have not seen me, its because of reasons I have explained again and again and again.. this money NEVER Expires and IM SORRY that my son had to die and get in the way of you getting your sweet session, i know how important that is to you..

Maybe if you spent more time being kind you would get your session, but throwing me under the bus surely will get you nowhere fast....

Not to mention, I am not sure who you are BUT I am sure you have been in touch with me and ive NOT AVOIDED YOU

You seem like a candidate, please call me right now so I can get your information and refund your money by the end of the month

And as far as getting myself out of my "dark place"

You cant rush or do some things alone

Thats a fact

Im in need of healing and I need people in my life to show me I am worth living, loving and saving and it seems the more I rely on myself, the worse I get..

IM ALONE and you think I need to stay alone and be alone?
when you cant figure something out- can a person not ask for help, advice, support, encouragement???

why do you tell me I need to figure it out by myself? because i havent provided a session I am now unworthy of human compassion???????

I deserve death and pain and extreme loneliness and youre going to SHUN me because I havent provided a prepaid session???


why do you hate me so much for such petty reasons?

Why do you hate people that have gone through traumatic events?

What do you consider a victim? Ive never had a victim attitude, but I am definitely reaching out because I am hurting beyond belief and ive exposed every good bad and indifferent thing about myself, Ive apologize and yet you continue to crucify me for what reason?????







Refunds will be made available as soon as I can get back to work, but right now my mental health, sobriety and personal needs are screaming for relief

[marisaofdallas]

You have no idea how brillliant and beautiful and kind I am..
How giving and forgiving and sweet and so willing to care for others I am
How utterly talented I have been
how unselfish and how much I have to offer this world
I was always goal oriented and a go-getter
A upbeat and positive influence on others

I am sure all of us here suffer from shortcomings and misgivings of some kind

After all, its why we are here..on this escort board

all of us are dysfunctional in some way

Some of us more than others...

And some of us have come from such SHITTY circumstances and I always came out smelling like a rose...

Ive been through hell and am feeling the burn of living a life that I thought would never effect me

Ive been so so sad lately and for the last time I ask that you understand why i need to step back for a moment

I never was angry, rude, bitter or unable to deliver a knockout performance...

this post was put here to explain why you werent going to see or hear from me for a bit

i never expected someone to tell me to go fuck myself and the messages I am getting to incinuating I should die, are really heartbreaking


HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?

[marisaofdallas]

How does the last 2 months of my life, or even 6 months, determine and size up what kind of person and Provider I am???

How can you believe Im some sort of evil person? WHY WOULD I START NOW to be an evil person?

What about the last 10-15 years?

And who here has actually met me?

Im just saying......