Ladies, Describe How You Decline Dates

[charlestudor2005]

You all say there are requests you decline. So how do you do it (once the guy has passed initial screening)? Do you say you're busy (when you're really not)? Do you make the date and not show up? Do you tell him flat out you'd never date him? Do you lie/fudge the truth? Do you try to be diplomatic, or are you extremely blunt? Do you just not return his phone call/contacts?

Or have you developed other techniques?

[China Doll]

For me, it depends on the reason for the denial. If telling him why I will not see him does not put anyone else in jeopardy, then I will do so. People generally deserve to hear the truth because this is the only way they can learn how to behave around a lady.

If I will not see him because he was rough with me during our first appointment, then I will tell him that. If I will not see him because he has made inappropriate requests or asked inappropriate questions before our first appointment, then I will likely just tell him that I do not think he and I would be a good match. I only ignore people's messages when they are blatantly rude and disrespectful, in which case they are not screened anyway.

If someone asks for off-the-clock time, I tell him the truth: I have so little free time during my week that agreeing to such a request would be a very poor scholarly decision and a very poor business decision.

[China Doll]

I should add that sometimes it is necessary to ignore people. I have had a few clients who desperately try to bait me into conversations after I have denied their patronage, and that is when I come to fully appreciate the call and message-blocking technology of today!

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

You all say there are requests you decline. So how do you do it (once the guy has passed initial screening)? Do you say you're busy (when you're really not)? Do you make the date and not show up? Do you tell him flat out you'd never date him? Do you lie/fudge the truth? Do you try to be diplomatic, or are you extremely blunt? Do you just not return his phone call/contacts?

Or have you developed other techniques?

For me it depends on the initial email and if the screening is successful , which means that a guy gives out sufficient information in his email to be able to get screened. If the guy writes too short email or not personal enough, i don`t even bother to respond. Unfortunately there are alot of people out there who do that.


I like a little previous email contact to see if there is a little connection. I also do think that my homepage or the way i wrote it tries to attract certain people and since its all energy and social interaction its actually easy to sort out, because people that don`t click with me or write mass emails to any provider would not fall in the category of making an appointment with me.

There seem to be people out ther who don`?t really read homepages but write short messages to any provider available in that city. Its easy to sort out because it lacks personal approach. Other than that, i give people chances and they do give them to me too. While working as an escort it happened sometimes that people i see only one time because there wasn`t enough chemistry to actually see each other again, but it rarely happened that i agreed to meet someone or screen someone and then it was dissappointing or i refused to see him.

So for me - once i made the effort to screen a person - its a sure fire deal to meet a person. If i don`t want to meet it does not go as far as to the screening process that is. The people that don`t fall in that category usually did not read my homepage or write thouroughly enough or personal enough to proceed further. (especially people who ask questions that are supposed to be answered on my homepage are particularly annoying to me and i don`t waste time to answer such emails. If someone isn`t interested enough in me to even read what i have to say - why bother?....)

I believe in something called morphogenetic field and Jung`s synchronicity so it is a field of energy and you only attract people that fall in place with your field of energy (or contradict it - which is also a part of attraction, and offers splendid opportunities to learn something). So its easy to figure out. If i screen a guy , set up an appt. and then cancel last minute its most likely not because of the guy but for private reasons.

[London Rayne]

Odds are if he passed screening, I won't decline unless he is a cyber stalker up until the time of the date. When I flat out tell someone I am busy with family or in class and will get back to them, I don't appreciate a slew of emails to follow. "I'm busy, means just that.

There are any number of reasons I would decline a date. Size being number one, writing skills a strong second. If he can't even spell common words, I am not interested. If he can't read a 3 line ad with the dates in all caps letting him know when I am in town, again declined.

Age is another issue I will decline based on, but that's on a case by case basis which is why it's not published.

[China Doll]

London, I have the same problem. My clients don't always believe me when I tell them how busy I am. Then their feelings get hurt when I don't respond to messages right away, which can lead to a further imposition on my time when they have to send insecure messages to me about their hurt feelings. Come to think of it, I have denied clients based on these kinds of messages. I have told them the reason for the denial.

[Valerie]

Well first off, I won't even screen guys who don't email me all the info I require in their initial email, ask stupid questions, call me before going through my screening process, and have poor grammatical skills in their initial email. With that said, *if* the guy passes my screening the only reason I would decline seeing him would be if I wasn't feeling well or had something personal come up...I have no reason to lie, there have been plenty of instances where I genuinely wasn't feeling up to par, and cancelled a date, and I told him that was the reason. Sure I could have gone ahead with the appointment, but I don't feel it's fair to see a gent if I'm not feeling my best...

[safire_sweet]

Originally Posted by China Doll

For me, it depends on the reason for the denial. If telling him why I will not see him does not put anyone else in jeopardy, then I will do so. People generally deserve to hear the truth because this is the only way they can learn how to behave around a lady.

If I will not see him because he was rough with me during our first appointment, then I will tell him that. If I will not see him because he has made inappropriate requests or asked inappropriate questions before our first appointment, then I will likely just tell him that I do not think he and I would be a good match. I only ignore people's messages when they are blatantly rude and disrespectful, in which case they are not screened anyway.

If someone asks for off-the-clock time, I tell him the truth: I have so little free time during my week that agreeing to such a request would be a very poor scholarly decision and a very poor business decision.

Could Not Have Said It Better

Safire Sweet

[London Rayne]

Originally Posted by China Doll

London, I have the same problem. My clients don't always believe me when I tell them how busy I am. Then their feelings get hurt when I don't respond to messages right away, which can lead to a further imposition on my time when they have to send insecure messages to me about their hurt feelings. Come to think of it, I have denied clients based on these kinds of messages. I have told them the reason for the denial.

I just use "I'm busy" as an excuse many times lol. I respond within 10 min. most of the time because all of my emails come straight to my phone. It's the ones who want to chat with me on MY time, that get the excuse. If you are not setting up an appt. in the next month, there is no need for me to tell you my life story or for you to send me pics of you, your boat, and your dog. I don't much care about those things unless I am looking for a relationship...which clearly I am not.

Even though I don't work a lot and have enough free time to play on Eccie, does not mean I want to spend that time going back and forth with someone I don't know and has not been screened. I don't email and call random guys on THEIR time, and I expect the same. There are guys whose personality I am attracted to here that I may invite to call or email, but they are few and far between.

[ClairJordan]

I am pretty blunt. I had a guy call today who, once I walked him through the process and we were good to go, said
"So how do you feel about bi-sexual men?"
To which I replied
"I feel like hanging up the phone now!"

I mean, do whatever you want, but why would someone put that out there like that??
It is important to me that a gentleman properly introduce himself to me during intitial contact. I try and be patient, but if a guy doesn't have the manners or curtiosy to call and say "Hello, this is Will Smith calling from DC. Is this Clair?'
I mean, come on! "Are you available?" is not an introduction.
To you, no, I am not available. To the right, polite gent, I may be.
I am skittish. I like a nice flow where we connect, mesh well, set up our plans, I have his cell number in case we need to communicate, we are on the same page. We meet for a drink or dinner. 95% of the time we connect well and carry on smartly. Once in a while I will leave someone sitting in the bar. It might be he was rude,
unattentive, unkempt, is riduclously out of shape or I don't like the look in his eye. If I'm not feeling it, we ain't playing. Goes both ways. They can say no too. This business model works well for me. Not saying it's for everyone. Operating this way is what allows me to engage.

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by China Doll

I should add that sometimes it is necessary to ignore people. I have had a few clients who desperately try to bait me into conversations after I have denied their patronage, and that is when I come to fully appreciate the call and message-blocking technology of today!

Oh yes been there done that too. That is after for example people i have met are stalking me or trying to get into my private life.
Sometimes i have to distance myself when people fall in love too.

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by ClairJordan

"Are you available?" is not an introduction.
To you, no, I am not available.

the best is " are you available in an hour" ? Like - Hell yeah - because i have no life, that is :-) ??

[Naomi4u]

Originally Posted by ninasastri

the best is " are you available in an hour" ? Like - Hell yeah - because i have no life, that is :-) ??

Right! Instant block and delete.

[Sweet N Little]

Depends on the request of course, but usually I just politely decline or if it's an off the wall request I just say "I'm not the girl for you..however I'm sure there are other girls that can accomadate you " & wish them the best

The "are you available?" always get the same response, "Im with family"

[pjorourke]

And if the request involves whipped cream and a chicken...?