The shepard and the goat

[TRIN]

A shepherd comes down from the mountains in the Carpathians, walks to town and makes straight for the Catholic church. He is a Catholic.

The thin-lipped priest is at the altar, praying away for a his parishioners' souls. He greets the shepherd coldly, and his face sinks when the latter says that he needs to make an urgent confession.

In the privacy of the cubicle the priest learns that the shepherd has violated one of his goats. He goes pale.

"My son, there is no that absolution for that sin. Your soul is damned forever. Please get out of my church and never come back. You disgrace this holy house with your mere presence."

That sounded serious to the shepherd, who proceeds to seek a second opinion.

The orthodox priest is in his house, drinking vodka before midday.

"Come in, come in, you miserable Catholic sod. Sit down, have a drink and tell me your problem. I am here to help, even if you are with the wrong fucking church."

"Well, there is a small matter of goat..."

The priest rises to his massive height and roars at the top of his voice.

"Repulsive fiend, how dare you even come near me?"

The priest smashes the drink out of the shepherd's hand and drags his visitor out of the house, throwing him down the stairs into the muddy street. "Do not ever come anywhere near me, or I swear by the Almighty God that I will kill you with my own bare hands. You are condemned forever. There is no redemption for what you had done!"

By now the shepherd is beginning to realise that things are looking serious. There is not much to lose, so he decides to seek the advice of last resort, and he proceeds to the synagogue.

The congregation is not exactly used to his smell, but direct him upstairs to find the rabbi. A small, dapper man welcomes the shepherd into his office, asking him to sit down, then offers him a cup of tea. The shepherd accepts gratefully.

"So what is your business today?" asks the rabbi eagerly.

"Erm, uh, there is a matter of a goat," says the shepherd warily.

He is expecting a violent reaction, but instead there rabbi clicks his fingers in delight.

"Bestiality! Well, I must say that we don't see much of that here. I can see a challenge coming on. Please continue."

The shepherd runs through a brief explanation of events.

" I see, I see, says the rabbi. "Very well. I must look this up."

He takes out a tome of the Talmud from the shelf in begins to run through the pages.

"Bestiality, bestiality, here we are. Sheep, cow, camel, goat, here we are... Right right, I see. Question, young man. When you were, you know, was the goat facing north or south?"

The shepherd does a quick calculation and decides that it was more or less north.

"Very good, very good - and was the goat black or white?

"Uh, white, I think, if properly washed."

"Excellent excellent, we're almost there. And was it a female goat or a male goat?"

"Female, I am definite."

"Superb. You are to play 50 zloty to your favourite charity and, of course, never do it again."

The rabbi shuts the holy book and kisses the cover before replacing it.

"What, I'm not going to hell?"

"Goodness, no."

"I am not damned forever?"

"No, you silly man."

"Well, I'm really very grateful," says the shepherd, wiping tears from his eyes. "But one more thing. I went to your colleagues..."

The rabbi bursts out laughing.

"And they told you that you were damned forever, did they?"

"Yes, they did. Why did they do that, and you know the answer right away?"

The rabbi is now laughing so hard that he begins to go red.

"Heavens, young man. Of course they would say that. What would those two losers know about a really good fuck?"

[tia travels]

[tia travels]