Any info on divorce - provider style?

[Nicolet]

I was wondering if there was someone who could tell me how I can go about getting a divorce. I was married in 1983, I have not seen my husband since 1985. I know, it sounds strange, to be separated for so long and not follow through on divorce proceedings. I actually tried, I typed up a legal, do-it-yourself divorce agreement. I asked the ex for $85 to help pay for half (cheap, huh?), and I got the familiar drone... "I don't have it." So I never tried again. I did check recently and I am still legally married. I have had a couple of proposals over the years, but obviously I could not accept. I am aware that there are some benefits of being married for so many years, but honestly, I don't care. I want to be truly free. I was married in the State of Maryland. Any clear, non legalese explaination on how to go about it would be greatly appreciated. Heck, I would be happy to barter for services rendered!
Please PM me and if need be, we can speak over the phone. Thanks in advance for any advice.
Nicolet

[sky_wire]

What state do you live in?

[ShysterJon]

Originally Posted by Nicolet

Heck, I would be happy to barter for services rendered!

No offense, but I think a provider trading playtime for legal representation is a godawful idea, especially in family court. A client should expect her attorney to be a zealous advocate, but he should also be an impartial counselor. It may be hard for an attorney to remain objective when he's licking the honeypot, so to speak.

Also, I've heard many horror stories over the years from providers about how they screwed their lawyer in a good way, but then their lawyer screwed them in a bad way by not showing up for court or otherwise doing what they promised to do.

Finally, it is not uncommon for an attorney and a client to get into a dispute. When sex is involved and emotions run high, it's possible either party may surrender to their baser instincts and use the relationship against the other. So I think a provider and her attorney should keep it on the up and up, and not do the in and out.

I suggest you ask your family and trusted friends for a referral to a good attorney in the state where you live who practices family law.

sky wire: I think she lives in Louisiana.

[guest043013-2]

TO build on Shyster Jon's comments, last thing you need is for your laywer to have to explain where his fees come from.

As far as where you are married is concerned, the bigger issue for divorce is where you are currently a resident, or where he is currently a resident.

Are their kids involved? guessing not, since you did not mention.

I can think of a lot more reasons to get divorced than to stay married but separated. Not sure if your state (Louisiana?) allows you to divorce without an attorney. In Texas, my daughter did without an attorney last year, but was a lot more than $85. (And forms were free on-line.)

[Nicolet]

Actually, I was kidding when I said that. Bad joke, granted, given ya'll don't know me from the national board. The folks on the New Orleans boards know how silly I get. My apologies.
Here is the onion, I have no clue where my ex is. I don't have his info, ie: SS#, and he doesn't have mine. I have tried to do a simple search and got nothing. I was born and raised in Maryland, but living in Louisiana. The last time I saw my ex, he was living in Massachusetts. There were no children produced in the marriage, nor was there any property bought or sold. We were 2 young kids who had the hots for each other at the time, until I realized it was a big mistake.

[Happy Diver]

Down the road, you may have some SS retirement benefits from your husband.

[Nicolet]

That would be great, if he ever held a job long enough! Hence my reason for leaving! LOL......... Hopefully, his work ethic has improved and he is treating his lady friend with better respect than he did me. I have also wondered, if the right man came along, and if he really wanted me to be his, he could pay for the divorce. Unlucky in love, I suppose.

[Ranchhand]

I am curious about this also. I have a nephew who would like too divorce his wife. He lives in Texas and so does she, but he has no idea where she is. Along the same lines of the OP's request, how do you divorce someone when you cant find them?

[Jake2.1]

did some google searching and found this .....

Can a Louisiana divorce be granted if the respondent's whereabouts are unknown?
If the filing spouse has made a 'good faith effort' to locate the missing spouse, and can swear under oath and penalty of perjury that they do not know the current whereabouts of the respondent and have made an effort to locate them, the missing respondent can be 'served' by publication of a notice in a local newspaper.



http://www.divorcehelp.net/Louisiana.htm

[Mazomaniac]

Originally Posted by Nicolet

Any clear, non legalese explaination on how to go about it would be greatly appreciated.

The clearest, least legalese recommendation I can make is "Hire a lawyer."

You've got a complicated situation here that goes beyond finding the guy.

Louisiana is a "no fault" state so obtaining a divorce when the spouses have lived apart for so long is a piece of cake. If you make a reasonable effort to find the guy and can't you can serve him "by publication" by simply taking out an ad in a local paper.

BUT . . . .

Louisiana is also a community property state. That's going to throw a wrench in the works. I have no idea how the courts are going to address the issue of a property split in a case like this - and I doubt anybody else on this board will have an answer to it either. You really need to find a local attorney who can figure this one out for you.

Sorry, best we can do.

Cheers,
Mazo.

[Nicolet]

Thanks to all of you, and Jake 2.1 for including the link. I have a lot to think about.

[sky_wire]

As long as there is no property, spousal support, or children involved, a quickie divorce is very simple. When only one party appears before the court, generally the only thing the court has the power to do is to dissolve the marriage. It usually can’t distribute property, order alimony, grant custody, or things like that. Of course there are always exceptions; however, it sounds like all you need is to dissolve your marriage. That should require nothing more than filing a few simple forms and publishing a legal notice in a paper.

If disputed property turns up later, that will be a separate battle. For example if your husband won the lottery while you two were married and living together, your quickie divorce court probably has no authority to divide those assets without your husband present.

I’m dying to ask. What has your income tax filing status been all these years? Married filing separately? Geez, you must have been getting screwed taxwise.

[Black Sedan]

Originally Posted by tigercat

TO build on Shyster Jon's comments, last thing you need is for your laywer to have to explain where his fees come from.

Trust me, reading an affidavit from a motion dealing with the recovery of attorneys fees including the phrase "it appears that their payment arrangement schedule may be of a more personal nature." pretty much shuts down the room in laughter.

[atlcomedy]

Originally Posted by Nicolet

That would be great, if he ever held a job long enough! Hence my reason for leaving! LOL......... Hopefully, his work ethic has improved and he is treating his lady friend with better respect than he did me. I have also wondered, if the right man came along, and if he really wanted me to be his, he could pay for the divorce. Unlucky in love, I suppose.

that is a new one for me

on another note, I don't know exactly the whole social security thing works in unusual situations like this, but that might not have been as far fetched a suggestion if you haven't been paying in yourself. I mean 27 potential years of credits have passed & more than likely he's pulled himself together & done something (even if he never did more than scrape by)

another thing: do most marriage licenses not require S.S. #'s on them?

[TexTushHog]

Hire a lawyer that is "board certified" in family law. This is a fairly novel situation, but it's not entirely unploughed ground. There will be a fee, but it shouldn't be too exorbitant. Call two or three lawyers to get a feel for the fee.