Question For The Ladies Regarding Dinner

[cubsoxbull]

Okay, I have been busy with work and a little bit of traveling, Yadda Yadda Yadda. But I did have a nice time with a provider I like to see a few weeks ago. It was a short notice appointment, and I didn't have time to get to the bank, so I just scheduled one hour. Everything was on schedule, and then when I call to confirm, she ask me, if I would like to go for dinner after our date. We had a very nice date and a very nice dinner. I picked up the tab which I always do, and we said our good byes and we would meet again soon.
We normally communicate via email a few times a week and I thought it was strange she hadn't answered my email. Well I decided to see if maybe I was naive, and I missed something regarding the dinner date. I sent her an email asking, just by chance was she looking for an extra donation for the dinner, as I would never want to short a lady. I guess I should have really asked upfront, since we all know this is a business transaction.

Anyhow I received an email a few days later on a Sunday, stating I owed her an extra donation for the dinner, and if I could meet her
in the next few days to take care of this. I sent her a email and a text the same day back, and all I asked, was what type of donation was she looking for, and I would gladly meet her to take care of this. I haven't heard back from her since, so I really don't know what is going on.

Sorry about the long winded story, but I know some of you ladies enjoy spending social time with some of the men you see, and it's not on the clock. I guess was I wrong assuming, since she asked me to dinner if this was suppose to be off the clock ? Either way I will take care of this and I learned a valuable lesson from this.

[guest010712]

WTFeck..!? If she asked you out for dinner post BCD/ROS, then she shouldn't ask for an extra donation. That shit is off the clock. But...if she was implying BCD/ROS+dinner, then you should have cleared that up from the very beginning.

If you've seen this provider often, then there shouldn't really be any confusion between the two of you. I suggest you call me next time this shit happens and put me on the phone with the provider so I can mediate things.

Who is the provider? I wanna take her out for dinner and charge it to you, ya fecker!

[Guest062124]

If she asked you to take her to dinner after the appointment...then it should be off the clock, unless of course, there was an understanding prior to the dinner date. If she wanted to be compensated for the dinner..she should have made that clear when asking you. It's very nice of you to offer to "make it right", but according to your account of the story, you don't owe her anything.

[fawn]

Well babe, all providers are different in this grey area....be very
careful and ask what she would charge up front for all activities...
and there will be no miss communications or hard feelings... it just
depends on the situation and the provider...I had a gentleman send
an email and ask if I would like to go to the movies and out to dinner
and I said yes...when he brought me back home he asked me what
do I owed you and I said nothing...For what I didn't have any plans
that evening and didn't see any harm in it....and I had a wonderful time,
we watched an awesome movie and dinner and the company was great...

[lisa.lisa0302]

I had a rant, nevermind.....Sorry that happen....Well now you know who not to see.

This type of stuff turns good honest hobbyist bad!!!!.

[Carrie Hillcrest]

Sounds like a miscommunication on her part -- it's understandable to me that you'd assume the dinner was off the clock if she asked you if you "wanted to go to dinner AFTER [your] date". That implies that the paid part is the date and the UNPAID part is just y'all relaxing and having dinner together. If someone said similar to me, I'd assume he meant dinner off the clock, and I'd let him know that dinner would need to be on the clock too. Since many ladies do have meals with clients off the clock, her not clarifying that is not your fault at all. *Especially* so because she was the one who brought the whole subject up.

Since you've already offered several times to financially rectify the situation (and that was a very gentlemanly thing to do, btw), the ball is in her court. I hope you can come to a conclusion that satisfies both of you and you can rebuild your camaraderie (if you even want to after her lack of communication).

[Guest071613-2]

I'm in agreement with the ladies. It was her fault for not being upfront about it...and also she asked YOU to dinner, so I am going to say you don't owe her a MF'ing thing.
It's up to the provider but she should have been more clear about her expectations.

Personally, I don't 'charge' for dinner. <<<Will work for food
I feel like it's nice enough to be taken out. Charging for it isn't my cup 'o' tea, but hey, WALDT.

[AshleyAshton]

+1 in agreement w/ Dannie, Carrie and Fawn
A nice dinner w/ nice company is food for the soul in more ways than one!

[pmdelites]

communication is a two-way street. in your situation, as best as i can interpret it from your summary - she could have been more specific in her expectations. and you could have been more specific in your expectations.

it sounds like the ball is in her court in that you have offered to meet her and settle up. i suggest a follow up email but dont be too pushy about it.

[Lana Warren]

Since she asked you if you wanted to go to dinner, my answer would be, NO......you do not owe her for that time! I had a very nice gentleman ask me to join him for dinner a few nights ago! He is new to the hobby and hasn't quite yet ventured out into the FS world yet and explained to me that he would like to get to know me first! I happily accepted and we had a great time! He did offer to pay me for my time, but I refused! I didn't have anything going on that evening and it was nice not to have to cook!

[Traveler64]

Originally Posted by fawn

Well babe, all providers are different in this grey area....be very
careful

This really needs emphasizing!

Long ago there was this local lady that was having drinks with myself and another gentleman. Both of us had seen her many times BCD and many times in public. (All the public stuff was off the clock.) I guess you'd say we all clicked, were friends, but paid properly when BCD. Well, during this 'last' drink outing she announces that we need to pay her for her public time and then struts off to the ladies room so that the gents could discuss. For better or worse that episode immediately ended any 'public' time I spent with any provider. Maybe she was off her meds that day (which there was a history of.) Regardless, to keep things clean and well defined, I just quit socializing with the ladies in public. Not only is it gray but it changes color at the drop of a hat.

[tallwhiteguycc]

I really never got the dinner thing. Not only do you have to pay for the 100 dollar tab. They want you to fork over another 200 for feeding them? I guess I can understand it if you are taking them to an event where they need to put on an act but a 2 person dinner after BCD?

[T-Can]

Maybe she is having second thoughts about the situation since she hasn't got back to you.

You are good people and I don't see why you are having this bad luck. Like Neo said, let him talk to her, haha! (I wonder if he is still retired?)

[krusty]

Lesson learned is if you are comfortable enough to go bcd, you should be comfortable enough to discuss money.....

[Jasser]

I agree with the ladies here, but I would have still asked if it were off the clock or on. This is similar to that annoying balloon guy that asks your kids if they want a balloon. The kid gets excited and says "yes", the guy makes the animal balloon and then turns to you, with a smile, and says "that will be $8.00".