Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicole Preston
I'm the proud owner of the Zombie survival guide, should the undead invade us...really, I'm prepared.
|
It's always good to be prepared. Reminds me of another good survival guide.
"As a society, i feel that we are inadequatly protected against raptors
i have enclosed in this poast, a quick howto guide on raptor proofing your school or place of work
step 1. Securing Doors:
REMOVE ALL door HANDLES as the raptor can easily manipulate these to get inside your building and eat you. Purchase several doorknobs to replace the handles, raptors cannot operate these because they lack opposable thumbs.
step 2. Windows:
Remove glass panel windows and replace them with polymethyl methacrylate (plexiglass) panels. These have a significantly higher impact resistance than typical glass. When raptor proofing your house, remember that if you can see a raptor, it can see you, but it cant claw its way through good, solid, plexiglass.
step 3. Securing the perimeter:
The first two steps focus on protecting the building itself, but what of the perimeter? it is imperitive to keep raptors as far away from you as humanly possible. To secure the perimeter, we will use a combination of passive obstacles, active obstacles, and shotguns. Consider fencing off the perimeter with chickenwire or razorwire. Now we will be planting landmines in a grid-like pattern like so
http://img259.imageshack.us/img259/1...uildingne5.png
note the safety zone, it is imperitive to leave an escape route in the likely event that your base is overrun by raptors. This covers both passive and active obstacles, now for the manual firepower. I recommend the
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benelli_M4_Super_90 semiautomatic shotgun for handling the more cunning (CLEVER GIRL!) raptors that have bypassed your other defensive measures.
step 4. Provisions:
In the highly unlikely case that the raptors mount a 6-12 month siege, provisions must be stocked to stave off hunger and keep your base up and running. Provisions should be canned, non perishable, consisting of approximatly 35% beer, 30% beans, 20% pizza rolls (be sure to can the pizza rolls), 40% milk (canadians make sure to get bagged milk), 28% campbells tomato soup, and 4% corn (canned of course). Store several tons of these provisions underground in a refridgerated.
step 5. Plan B:
Certain raptor-man battles are unwinnable. While it is difficult to accept, you may be required for the good of our species, to sacrifice yourselves in the event that the raptors do bypass your defenses and overrun your base. If they are in your base, killing your doods, the only course of action is the activation of a hydrogen bomb strategically placed in an inconspicuous location (just stick it in a water heater). This may seem extreme, but consider this. If your base does fall to raptors, imagine the consequences, should the raptors acquire your provisions and weapons
http://img104.imageshack.us/img104/8259/raptorsio7.png
we're fvcked, pretty much"
My Bio Page - Texas - Dallas
So. Would you have sex with a zombie?
I believe, though, that the ladies here that will only see "cultured, clean, white collar and refined gentleman" might have an issue with them.
