I never post reviews like this, but I just had to in this case.
Date: 3/1/2012
Provider: The Wife
Email Address: The
wife@TheBowelsOfHell.com
URL / Website: TheBowelsOfHell.com
City: The Frozen North
State: North Pole
Phone: trust me, You don't want it but if your a
Masochist , PM me for the info
Appointment Type: Incall
Did the Appointment take place at the agreed-upon time?: Unfortuantly
Activities: Dish washing, sweeping, catbox cleaning, office cleaning, other household chores
Session Length: 27 years but seems like forever
Fee: All my worldly goods and my inmortal soul
Hair Length and Color:Shoulder length. Roots are growing out so hard to tell her real hair color. Was dk brown at one point but who knows now?
Age: Don't know about her, but I feel a lot older everytime I see her
Smoking Status: yes. can breath smoke and fire at the same time as she can lower the temp so far hell freezes over
Ethnic Background: not sure. Demon? Shedevil? hellspawn?
Physical Description: Does the quote "Cptn, Thar She Blows!!" mean anything to you?
The Rest of the Story: Have not had any extra money lately to spend on the ladies so I decideded to try an old favorite. I had not had sex with her in over a year with her and was hoping things might be better this time.
About 10pm I craweled on my belly down the hall to the Wifes bedroom and slinked into bed. I was in luck (maybe not). She was still awake!
Now, the foreplay begins:
me: (in my best pleading voice)Can we have sex tonight, please?
Wife; Did you take out the trash?
me: yes dear. My heart lept with joy, she did not say no!!
Wife; Did you do the dishes?
me: yes dear. Still not a no. the little fellow starts to get excited
Wife: Did you clean the cat box?
me: yes dear. I reach out and touch her back.
Wife: (pulling away a little) Did you clean your office?
me; yes dear. I slip my hand down to her lower back, headed for that fat ass of hers
Wife: Did you clean the bathrooms and toliets?
me: yes dear. With a trembling hand I touch her butt
Wife: Did you vacuum the house?
me; yes dear. She did not push my hand away. Not wanting to ruin the moment, I keep my hand on her ass but don't move it.
Wife: Rub my back
me; yes dear. Oh how my heart and penis leapped with joy! Bare Skin!!!
Wife; Now rub my feet
me; yes dear. Boy, things are heating up now!
Wife: Did you change the sheets?
me: no dear, you were in bed already and I did not want to disturb you. I will do it as soon as you get up inth emorning. I am hit with a panic attack! Had I lost my chance?
Wife: (pushed her ass up in the air) Kiss it.
me: yes dear. Ah, still hope!
Wife: ( after trying to kiss her on the mouth) Your breath stinks. Go brush your teath.
me: yes dear. I hurry to the bathroom, brush, floss and gargle. Now, I have a hard on. After 13 months, SEX with the wife! Returning to bed, I see she is laying on her back. Heaving boosums slowly rising and falling she breaths. Nipples poking through her flannel night cloths. With eager anticipation, I reach my hand over to those bossoms of delight and touch her.
Wife; (slapping hand away) Go away, I have a headache.
me: yes dear, thank you dear. Good night dear
I crawl back to my room. My equipment has drawn up inside so far, I know I will need plyers to get it out again. Thanks goodness Rosey Palm and her 5 sisters were still in town. At least my plan B worked out.
Dispite everything, I am sure it was my fault. I will try her again in a year or so.
Recommendation: Yes, After all, its free sex, right?
i wish it had been a no show
