Tonight's Epic: The 4-hour Hard-on

[Fancyinheels]

Tonight will certainly go down in Fancy history as one of the most epically memorable ones, but not the way you think. Read on, boys and girls.

A new gentleman I'm seeing for the first time comes over to my apartment tonight, brings take-out, we have a nice dinner and chat, very GFE-ish, before getting to "dessert." He talks about a few heath problems that affect his "performance" and how he requires "assistance." Then we proceed to play Twenty Questions:

"So you need a miracle of modern science to raise the Titanic?" I ask, smiling.

"Yep."

"No problem, darlin. I understand completely. What do you take? Viagra?"

"Nope."

"Cialis?"

"Nope."

"Levitra?"

"Nope."

"Some other colorful little Speed Racer blood-circulating pill?"

"No."

"Ginko? Zinc? Industrial-strength Enzyte? Spanish Super-Fly?"

"No, I don't take any meds or herbs."

"Okay, another ED cure, hmmm.... a penis pump? That might be fun to watch you do, but I bet my mouth has better vacumn suction."

"Nope, uh, well, maybe the second one, but we'll try that another time. I want to get right to the point now, heheheh."

"Heheheh...soooo....you have an implant? Those are cool! Press the magic button under the skin next to your 'sailors' and the fluids start moving and the boat floats."

"Nope."

"Well....uh....."

"I take injections."

"In the arm?"

"No."

"Ohhhhhh.........ouuuuuch. Well, actually, I've known a couple of fellows who've done the shot thing. You're a brave man. I'll wait for you in the bedroom."

"I need your help."

"Huh? WHAT?"

"I can't do it by myself."

"Oh HELL no! I'm not sticking a needle into junior!"

"No, no, you don't have to. I just gotta hold this," he says, tapping his beer belly, "outta the way with one hand so I can see, and I need my other hand to handle the injector."

"Leaving me to.......?"

"Hold my cock."

"Not like I haven't held more cocks than a hen house, but seriously, I almost pass out when I have blood drawn. Needles scare me."

"No, really, it'll be okay. You won't even see the needle. You'll just pull my dong hard and long and..."

"Give you a hand job while you're sticking yourself?"

"No, just stretch it out so I can see the veins, and I'll position the injector, hit the button, done."

"This sounds like a very bad idea, but hey, if that's your idea of foreplay....kinky." So he grabs his kit out of a briefcase, we go into the bathroom under the bright vanity lights, I close the toilet lid and sit down apprehensively. He takes out a pre-filled syringe, inserts it into this science fiction injector thingy, closes it up, drops his pants, and turns to me.

"Okay, grab the head and hold on tight."

"Guys are usually grabbing my head and holding it, ya know."

"Haha. Okay, pull it, stretch....go on, you can't hurt it. Cocks can take a good beating."

"So I've heard."

"Now, let me just find a good vein...."

"Will it make that Star Trek 'whooosh' sound?"

"No, just a 'click.' Now keep holding it..."

"You know, I really, really, really, really, REALLY don't want to do this. It just seems dangerous. You're going to have to....ARRGH! OH, FUCK!" Instead of injecting his dick, he shoots ME, right in the middle joint of my index finger.

"Awww, sweetie, sorry about that. I slipped."

"OH MY FRICKIN' GOD! What the hell did you do to me? That HURT!"

"Don't be a pussy. It's not that bad."

"I AM a pussy! Damn, damn, damn, damn, where's the alcohol?"

While I'm pouring an entire bottle of antiseptic alcohol on my finger, and a medicinal shot of Jameson down my throat, amazingly he somehow DOES manage to give himself a shot. What a prick - literally.

"Okay, I'll be ready in five minutes."

"For what?"

"To get in the saddle and ride Fancy. What did you think I came over for?"

"You're kidding me, right? Jeez, my finger is tingling weirdly."

"It'll be fine. C'mon. I'll take your mind off it." So we get naked in bed. In five minutes my finger is swelling more than his cock.

I can't even put the condom on him because my finger won't bend anymore, and it hurts to try. He gets it on, and then we get it on. We make a valiant attempt, but it's just not working for either one of us. He may have hoped to launch his rocket, but it's my finger looking like a Titan missile, hot, hard, pointing straight even with the rest of my fingers curling around his cock. It's just too distracting. He starts chuckling.

"How about that hand job?"

"Not funny."

"I think it's pretty funny. I'll be telling this story for years."

"I'm glad you got something out of tonight, 'cause I'm not giving you your money back."

He leaves with a promise to contact his urologist in the morning to discuss my finger sticking up (rather than the doc's finger stuck up his....) and then call me back with a medical opinion.

It's been 4 hours. My finger is still erect. I don't know whether to go to the emergency room or diddle myself.

[2pointsdown]

so you got pricked by a random needle... thats healthy.

[tiffanitouches]

OMG

[Dorian Gray]

1. Please tell me that wasn't a USED needle?

2. Diddle yourself before you have blue-knuckles.

[Sarunga]

So, that old fart who's always giving me "constructive criticism" finally came to see you?

[TheDon]

Get help!

[Ms. Athena]

WOW, Fancy! Im at a lose for words here...............

[Wakeup]

"No, no, you don't have to. I just gotta hold this," he says, tapping his beer belly, "outta the way with one hand so I can see, and I need my other hand to handle the injector."

That's America alright...

[DaChef]

Well you just made the "classic" thread. Hope all goes well for you

[bbkid]

I'm speechless here...... don't know if I should laugh or throw-up. Ms. Fancy, that is truly a classic story.

btw, how's the finger?

[Tantalizing Tia]

WTF Fancy...You can't make me laugh this hard in the morning...Shit I am hurting I laughed so hard...and before java...

Well damn gurl hows the finger this morning? POOR Baby...

OK I see a new question going into your screening process...don't you.

.....Really you should have made him stay there a sucked your finger until it went down...
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONLY RIGHT THING FOR HIM TO DO...lol

luv ya....

[oilfieldscum]

This sotry gives a whole new meaning to the saying needle dick.

[boardman]

Now that's a boardman approved Post...Of...The....Year!!!! LMMFAO.

[ZedX79]

Buahahahaha! I sure hope it was a sterile needle.

[romab]

Damn that's so funny Fancy. Course funnier due to your wonderful writing style. I think you should have followed normal medical advice for erected fingers lasting 4+ hours: Diddled yourself for 3 hrs to relieve all body pain then run to ER. R