Hearing the word "submissive"....

[Star Hollowday]

When people hear that word I'm sure MANY differnt thoughts come to mind. So when a lady says she can be "submissive" what does that mean to you? During a session what would you expect that to mean or entail? Do you think that means you can do whatever however lol. And I am not talking about the "sub and dom" thing, just simply when a lady (or man) say they can be "submissive" what comes to mind and what would you expect? Thoughts?

[Wile E Coyote]

IMO, that means she is not likely going to get the BCD activities started and needs a push by the client and/or she is willing to please, within her level of comfort of course, but again has to be led to find out what the individual client is seeking during a session he pays for.

[mranondash]

It means the needs to be ordered or led to do things to get them going.

Praise and reinforcement are encouraged by the other non sub.

By the Dom, and Sub you may mean BDSM, which is a whole other topic and should NOT be used interchangeably with being asked if someone is submissive.

[LustyBustyGina38FF]

Maybe she/he want's or needs to be controlled by aother person.

[Star Hollowday]

Originally Posted by LustyBustyGina38FF

Maybe she/he want's or needs to be controlled by aother person.

"Need to be" is ONE way to look at it. That's why the word can mean different things to different people. She or he may "choose to be" or depending on the situation "pretend to be" or may just "want to be".

[oldbutstillgoing]

I take it as the woman allows the man to lead. She is still a very active participant but allows the man to direct the ebb and flow of things. A really good sub knows how to guide things and get her pleasure without taking over full control. And a session can easily have her switch and take over at the right time.

I will walk in on my GF sometimes when she is naked on her back in bed, legs spread, playing with herself while watching me get undressed. Then I do what I want with her. Often nothing is said. And she most certainly gets hers. Sometimes I switch it around.

Someone that learns how to control without controlling can really up the BCD time to another level. Being submissive most certainly may not mean just lying there and allowing the other person to have to do everything.

[Guest022124]

Most guys take it as license to be a dick to a woman....

[CKJAmore]

@Star, for me, being "submissive" is NOT a license to do "whatever". The way I look at it, a girl is submissive when she is eager and enthusiastic to follow instructions and directions, to suit my preferences. I don't use or interpret the term in BSDM context, unless it is specifically mentioned (as BDSM).

As for "whatever", I don't interpret it (in general context) as an invitation to violate boundaries or activity constraints that a girl might have. For example, if greek is a "No", "whatever" doesn't mean an invitation to push for greek.

On a side note, interestingly enough, there is another term "freeuse" for "whenever", even though I find it hard to see applications for it in a time-bound context of the hobby world. There is an entire reddit forum dedicated to freeuse.

So yeah, I like them to be "submissive", meaning, willing to do whatever it takes to please; knowing my preferences, following verbal and non-verbal cues, and being super enthusiastic about it all.
It's also about the attitude she brings: not like, "I hate all men in general", or "I am doing you a big favor"; rather like, "I am enjoying this, and it pleases me to please you", kind of attitude.
I'll reciprocate in kind with warmth and care, and I wouldn't ever push the boundaries, just because she is "submissive".

[TinMan]

Star, I’d rather hear what it means to you and other ladies. All the guys’ definitions are interesting (and may be correct) but when I see that mentioned in a woman’s bio I really don’t know what she means by it…and it’s her definition that matters.

So, would you identify as submissive, and if so what does that mean?

[Wile E Coyote]

It is very important for both parties to understand the words and phrases which they use when written and verbal communication is being done. Especially when the service that is provided is so intimate. That is why I let providers know what I like and desire in/from a session I pay for. There is a huge difference between that and telling a provider what to do.

I also appreciate the providers who are honest about what they actually offer and being submissive and defining what that means to her is one of those services. I have more respect for providers who are truthful and tell me no that they are not what I desire nor can she provide the IOP needed to meet the criteria I like for a session I pay for, and less respect for those providers who say yes to get me to set the appointment only to be the opposite when BCD.

[Star Hollowday]

Originally Posted by TinMan

Star, I’d rather hear what it means to you and other ladies. All the guys’ definitions are interesting (and may be correct) but when I see that mentioned in a woman’s bio I really don’t know what she means by it…and it’s her definition that matters.

So, would you identify as submissive, and if so what does that mean?

Yes I "can be" submissive, but like alot of things it depends on the situation, setting and the other person involed. I do not put being submissive on my menu for the same reason you stated, it can be confusing to some even if a description of what it means to me is attached. To me its all about give and take, with both involved in the session. As long as pleasure is given I think it all goes well

[SmokinTex]

I'm an active member of the BDSM community and I think that subs often open themselves to abuse by advertising it. Most guys think they're "dom" and really don't take the time to look at what that means. It's about trust, intimacy, aftercare, but a lot of guys watched 50 shades and forget about that part of the whole deal. Whole lot of wannabes out there. I've never had a D/s encounter with a provider since trust is so essential. It took a few meets with my current submissive to approach the level of real BDSM. Everytime I read a provider ad with BDSM in in, I just shake my head and hope she doesn't encounter the extremely aggressive and abusive guys because of it.

[bobbyb1234]

SmokinTex is 100% correct on this. I'm a former pro-dom and had a few providers test the waters for me on that aspect with 100% consent always. Right now, that role is on the back burner for me until I find someone worthy of it. The guys that think they are Mr Grey miss the point that the Dom is still in service to the safety and security of the sub. Subs give their submission to those that they can truly feel safe with. Any deviation from this will result in a major disconnection between both parties.

Star, I would suggest that you explore what you like and how you fantasize the encounters. If you want a guy to take charge, and lead you, then communicate that. It could be as simple as "I like when a guy holds the back of my neck and pulls me in for a kiss" to something like "He needs to slap my ass and call me his dirty little girl" to "I need him to spank me when I'm being a brat." It's all on a gradient.

Just keep exploring with the right partners and stay safe!

[TinMan]

Originally Posted by SmokinTex

I'm an active member of the BDSM community and I think that subs often open themselves to abuse by advertising it. Most guys think they're "dom" and really don't take the time to look at what that means. It's about trust, intimacy, aftercare, but a lot of guys watched 50 shades and forget about that part of the whole deal. Whole lot of wannabes out there. I've never had a D/s encounter with a provider since trust is so essential. It took a few meets with my current submissive to approach the level of real BDSM. Everytime I read a provider ad with BDSM in in, I just shake my head and hope she doesn't encounter the extremely aggressive and abusive guys because of it.

That makes sense. I’ve known a few women who didn’t advertise they were submissive, but then told me after we met or after a few sessions that they liked to be dominated, and specifically what they liked. I was a little nervous about it, because I didn’t really understand at first that there is a difference between being dominant and being abusive, but found I enjoyed the role play once I understood what was expected.

[Star Hollowday]

Thanks for all the comments but when I first made this post I said that this was NOT about the "sub and dom" thing or BDSM. But I kind of knew it would go that way because like I said the word has different meanings to different people.