References are not the actually requirement--screening is. For many ladies, they believe references from trustworthy other ladies is the easiest/best way they can screen. But some ladies will use other alternative ways to screen since you are correct, references really are a chicken and egg thing.
At its most basic, screening is about safety and comfort. For many it also includes some amount of compatibility.
So the question you should be asking is, without references how do I convince a lady I am safe, respectful, and will be a good fit to meet her? There is no magic formula, and it starts with research. Read her posts, read ALL of her web site and profile. You will get a sense if she is adamantly insisting upon references or whether she is "newbie friendly", which tends to imply she is willing to work with you on alternative screening methods. If she is, and she appeals to you, then write to her. Explain your situation (hiding it is a BAD idea), and ask her what alternatives there are. She will tell you her requirements--which are likely to be as different as the ladies themselves--and then YOU need to decide if you can live with that.
A couple general comments:
--No, she is highly unlikely to accept that you say you are safe as proof that you really are. She should insist on something more than that--and if she does not then YOU are putting yourself at risk seeing her.
--It will almost certainly involve some personal information about yourself. Only you can tell what info you are comfortable sharing--and that answer is not the same for every guy.
)Once you have found a couple ladies and seen them, strongly consider joining a service such as P411 or Date-Check. Those, coupled with references from the couple ladies you have seen, will then open up many other options for you.
Good luck.
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