Giving up your last name, is it worth it?

[Guest061613]

Giving up your last name, is it worth it?

Is she that striking where you lose all common sense?

What would be the reason for you to give your last name?

I have recently been asked for my last name for screening. I made a P411 request to set up the session and did a follow up with a eccie pm. So I thought I covered my bases by making it as easy as possible to screen me. I consider myself an active reviewer and participating participant of eccie. Why on heavens earth would you ever want to ask me for my last name? Don't you have all the information that she would ever need to make sure that I am legit and safe?

I have 19 okays on preferred 411. I would have twice as many but I don't hand out my OK's like candy. But I do have quite a few recent okays! I have recent reviews! Hell, start a thread in the SA powder room and asked about me! But asking me to give up my last name? I have never heard such a thing! Maybe I'm overreacting but I see nothing good coming from me giving you my last name. Now I would understand if I was a newbie and there is no way of being screened. But that is not the case here.

So please providers and hobbyist tell me your thoughts on this. Or am I overreacting and this is not that big of a deal?
You tell me.

[proudoftexas]

Why does it have to be about you?

She might have had a bad experience recently, or is relatively new herself and is trying to be overly cautious.

What I've found is that when somebody is being overly cautious, it has to do with either ignorance on their part, or a bad experience they want to make sure they don't repeat.

That's not about the hobby, btw. That's a general observation.

My best tactic to work through it is to ask open ended, non-threatening questions about it. If I can get them to tell me why they feel the way they do, that's 90% of the battle. I make sure and repeat back to them what they've told me, and why they feel the way they do, so they feel like I've listened to them, and understand their perspective. I don't get frustrated, or defensive. I make sure they feel like I respect their point of view, and how they came about it, even if it's the dumbest reason I've ever heard (unless I'm tired of their bullshit --- then I tell them that's the dumbest reason I've ever heard).

After I've put them in a place where they feel like I've listened to their perspective, I understand where they're coming from, and I've put them at ease that I don't feel defensive or indignant --- I'm just seeking perspective --- I try to show them a different perspective.

At that point they may or may not change their mind about whatever it is, but I've found that gives me the best chance to shift how they think about it, at least in this one instance.

Given the nature of our communications in the hobby, that's often not going to be possible, so you may be shit out of luck. In which case there's the standard answer of see somebody else --- but you already know that very well.

You're obviously frustrated by this specific event, and you're taking it a little personally. That's natural, and very human.

But you need to take a step back, and realize it's nothing about you. It's what's going on with her. Until you know her story, and why she's behaving this way, you won't have any other options but to either tell her your last name, or move on.

And, of course, she could want your name for potentially nefarious reasons, so I think you're right to at least be a little paranoid.

[tia travels]

No you're not overreacting.
Ladies will say they have every right to screen as they wish and if one prefers last names, then last names it is for her.

But if giving it out isn't for you and you feel with 19 okays it should be enough, then pass on her. You don't "have" to give out your last name if you are uncomfortable with it.

I'm sure your okays are all recent and you're not from a town that's notorious for busts, but if you were...and your last okay was more than a year ago, then I can see why a woman might want to screen you a different way.

19 okays is enough for me.

Here is a situation of a similar thing that happened on another board. The gent had probably close to 15 okays. Most were expired (meaning older than a year) and his LAST (latest) okay was from a woman whom I know was recent busted. So yeah, I didn't ask for his last name, but I asked for 2 more recent references and told him the reason why I wanted 2 new ones. He said he completely understood and fulfilled that request.

[Cpalmson]

Dude, you are not over reacting. I'm sorry but any provider who REQUIRES a last name is not worth seeing. As a matter of fact, she should probably STOP being a provider.

And no, it is NOT all about him. I don't care if someone is new or had a bad experience. The hobby is built on discretion and anonymity.

[Guest071313-5]

Salsa, if you have 19 p411 okays that can be verified by her through p411....all she needs to know is your last name is man, as in Salsa man.

Its up to you if you want to take that risk. Its also her choice on what she needs. Me personally, I would say thank you but NO thanks.

[pickupkid]

I would never give up my last name or my hm phone no. move on

[MasterBaiter1996]

My last name is Baiter.

[Laz]

People are in different situations. I suspect that most people have an SO so giving out your last name to someone you do not know would be unwise. Since you have multiple alternative screening solutions available to her, she should not need it. However, as has been previously stated it is her choice to require it and your choice to go elsewhere. There are plenty of alternatives.

[er48665]

You don't give your last name. If she knows both names, you are fucked.

My last name is always Smith.

[Nicolet]

I agree with concensus here, no last name. Besides, you won't hear me saying, "OOOOoooo, Mr. Smith!"!

[Art Lover]

SA, you have been an ECCIE member since10/2010, written 16 reviews here, joined p411 and have 19 ok's. If all that was anonymous with a fake name why would you want to give it all up in a millisecond for one chick. Doesn't make sense,WAY TOO MANY OTHER FISH IN THE SEA.
Please make sure Big Brain is still at the helm of your ship.

[pyramider]

Since when does writing reviews make a fucktard safe to be with?

[SneakyCancer]

when she gives up her full name, ill give up my last name

[Brooke Wilde]

With 19 okays, you can have my last name, my ATM pin number and come to a family gathering for all I care. You have more than proved you are trust worthy.

[jbravo_123]

Originally Posted by Brooke Wild

With 19 okays, you can have my last name, my ATM pin number and come to a family gathering for all I care. You have more than proved you are trust worthy.

Mental note: inquire about this when we hit 19 okays...