Just Wondering Why?

[Tony Patella]

A frequently asked question around here is why do people hobby. And now, a perfect example…

A couple of months back, decided to rekindle an old GF romance to see if we might get it right this time. Nice woman, intelligent, kind heart, driven, passionate about life, easy on the eyes and willing to put up with my idiosyncrasies…all things considered, a seemingly good fit. Paired back my hobbying a bit, anticipating retiring for good.

So, what’s my beef? Sex. Or the lack thereof to be exact…and the fact that she views me as a pervert for having some very vanilla desires. It seems that for her, once every month or two is enough. For me, I’d prefer every day or two. Toys? Uh, no. Spontaneous, ravenous sex on occasion? Uh, no. A little dirty talk? Uh, no. Some limited mutual anal play. You guessed it, NO! Requests that don’t seem too over the top, or is it just me?

Last week, Tuesday, was our most recent tryst, after a six-week gap. So Saturday, I try a little romance. “Not today, I have too much to do!” Not being inconsiderate, I retreated, and tried again Sunday. That’s when the can of worms was opened. My amorous advances were met with, “For crying out loud, we just did it last week!” My response was, “Yes, and that was LAST WEEK! Can’t we carve out some time to spend together in bed, enjoying each other?” Her somewhat angry reply was, “If last week wasn't enough, go get it somewhere else!” Hmmm…my momma didn’t raise no fools, hello Eccie?

Now I can hear all the ladies and gents saying, geez he must be a lousy partner, an inconsiderate boor etc. While I’m not the world’s greatest lover, I’m at least considerate and aim to please. For me, being together physically with my partner, whether it’s screwing or making love, is a bonding and grounding experience. I like that. I need that. In the early days of our first go around, the sex was amazing and frequent. Her orgasms were real, and she appeared to enjoy being intimate and being pursued. Then, it dwindled rapidly…and that incompatibility became one of the key reasons we split up.

So now, I’m faced with a dilemma. Continue the romance (Actually, I use that term loosely…) and seek pure sexual gratification elsewhere. Or, toss away all of the good qualities because of one disconnect? Or settle for less, and buy more stock in Astroglide.

Not looking for advice, mind you. What it really boils down to is the validation of a statement I read recently. (Might have been right here on Eccie) “If a woman would take care of business at home, there’d be no need for the hobby.”

So here’s a big thanks to all the ladies we know and love at Eccie.

[Kayleehotchick]

Always refreshing to hear something like this. It just remind us ladies that men do have need that are very important.

Sex sex sex sex sex sex.

Second thought, I have those same needs.

Ladies, work your man's tool and work it hard!!!!!!!!!! LOL

[trynagetlaid]

There will be some married guys on here who will be insanely jealous that you're getting it every six weeks.

You have pinpointed the exact reason there are half a thousand providers in the DFW Metroplex.

The good news is the pharmaceutical companies are spending billions of dollars trying to develop a female blue pill.

I found this very interesting and informative:

http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=5136

[Guest071613-2]

If you are happy with the way things are, and if you are okay with the fact that your sex life with her will only decline further, with time.....if you are okay with that, then by all means, stay. But if it is something that is going to make you resentful toward her, scrap it. It's not fair to you OR her. If one person is unhappy, you are probably both going to be unhappy.

If civilian women would learn how important sex, food, silence, and appreciation are to men, their SO's would be a Hell of a lot less likely to stray. Yet, they are amazed when they discover their spouse is cheating. Wake him up with a BBBJCIMNQNS and then go make breakfast....and they'd have a very happy man that looks forward to coming home. It's fairly simple.

[Tony Patella]

Originally Posted by Dannie

If civilian women would learn how important sex, food, silence, and appreciation are to men, their SO's would be a Hell of a lot less likely to stray. Yet, they are amazed when they discover their spouse is cheating. Wake him up with a BBBJCIMNQNS and then go make breakfast....and they'd have a very happy man that looks forward to coming home. It's fairly simple.

Hell I love to cook, and don't mind listening at all. Pretty secure, so the appreciation is nice but not necessary...LOL

Seems like the partners who love the physical side simply don't fit well with the rest of me. That's why i've continued to look for the perfect fit all these years.

[daty/o]

Tony, not going to give advice, just a perspective.
Relationships are a lot more than sex, but few can survive without it. Sounds like you have a 'best of both worlds' thing going on. Now that my family life is over and I am divorced, I miss the myriad of things a real relationship can offer that the Hobby cannot. I'm convinced that, going forward, any true happiness I find in my life is apt to come from a combination of both worlds. I feel that most of the ladies in the Hobby have a pretty good grasp of that concept.

[ready4u814]

Originally Posted by Dannie

Wake him up with a BBBJCIMNQNS and then go make breakfast....and they'd have a very happy man that looks forward to coming home. It's fairly simple.

Dannie you are my kind of woman and I would love to give you the opportunity to wake me up that way.

[Sir Lancehernot]

Wow. Every six weeks instead of every six years? Send me her contact info. (j/k)

[Tony Patella]

Originally Posted by Sir Lancehernot

Wow. Every six weeks instead of every six years? Send me her contact info. (j/k)

Guess I didn't realize I had it so good! LOL Keep in mind however, we're not married. So I guess if we ever took that leap, frequency would go from ever 6 weeks to every 6 months to never...

[Aflac]

TP - I'm with you on the shout out to all the fine ladies here on ECCIE.

Unfortunately, I know exactly how you feel about your current situation. I've been in a relationship where I get to hit it about once every two months. It's been this way for over 17 years. Don't get me wrong, when we do get together it is good, it just happens so infrequently.

Thankfully, I found this community about 3 years ago. Ladies like Dannie "get us" and give me the opportunity to realize the full potential of my addiction. If it wasn't for all the sneaking around, I think I would be one of the best addicts out there.

Frankly, I choose to stay in the situation I'm in because the pros outweigh the cons. And, I'm pretty sure my relationship with the SO is better off since I found the hobby. She has no idea this is going on but she benefits nonetheless.


Good luck with your decision.

[Chica Chaser]

Say adiós Amiga! Trust me the sex won't get better and more frequent as time goes on.

[looiecypher]

From the sounds of things I say cut her loose Tony.
Things will only get worse from here on out.
First its the sex that isn't there. Then the conversations just start slowing down.
The next thing you just have a roommate that you don't even like.
You are obviously a guy who likes sex ,find a woman who has all the other qualities you spoke of and enjoys sex as much as you do.
If you don't you will wind up miserable.

[Charlie_Harper]

I feel your pain, or mind, or whatever I'm getting to when i say... Damn, how eerily similar a situation I reside in. My goal is to hit the eject button as soon as I can do so. And I honestly think she knows that, and shows 0 interest in stopping it. And I hope she doesn't decide you try.

[m5552009]

Originally Posted by Dannie

If you are happy with the way things are, and if you are okay with the fact that your sex life with her will only decline further, with time.....if you are okay with that, then by all means, stay. But if it is something that is going to make you resentful toward her, scrap it. It's not fair to you OR her. If one person is unhappy, you are probably both going to be unhappy.

If civilian women would learn how important sex, food, silence, and appreciation are to men, their SO's would be a Hell of a lot less likely to stray. Yet, they are amazed when they discover their spouse is cheating. Wake him up with a BBBJCIMNQNS and then go make breakfast....and they'd have a very happy man that looks forward to coming home. It's fairly simple.

Dannie Has it RIGHT ON!!!!!! I am married 41 years and I am happy and here....this is excellent advice.

m

[Gonzo DFW]

esteve is right. Hobbying doesn't replace love and the things a relationship provides. But now that I'm older I fully appreciate why older men marry younger women. It isn't to try and recapture their youth; at least, not in most cases. It's just to get laid on a semi-regular basis. My SO is wonderful, but our sex life stinks. She's just dried up, and I still get hard as often as I did at 16. I appreciate her and will always take care of her. But I hobby. And Kaylee hit it right on the nose. Not one provider should feel guilty about what they do, if they do it right. I'm not sure my primary relationship could survive without the hobby; unless, of course, I become a monk.