*Editor's note attached to the end of this rant*
A long overdue (and likely missed) novella rant from Klovve
Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter.
1A) Allow me to introduce myself: for my old friends - hey, what's up, hello! For the new: so lovely to meet you! Let's sit, chat, and pretend to drink tea. For everyone: take a seat, I'm going to be a minute. (For anyone who hates my flowery prose or doesn't have patience for a long introduction, skip to section 2A.)
1A.2) Hobby patrons, we have a fucking problem and its name is ECCIE. Specifically, Austin CoEd and I'm in a mission to whip her ass into shape.
2A) Let me provide some context: I'm a C-List ECCIE (which I pronounce "icky," because I'm an asshole) personality and since my hobby entrance I have seen some shit. I look at the forum today and I feel sad. I feel anger. I feel Annoyed. Addicted. Alienated. Obligated. Objectified AND entitled (it's possible.) But more than my proclivity of confusing lexicon, I feel disappointed. Icky (ECCIE) we need to talk.
2B.1) Let's start by bonding over our shared affinity of underground sex clubs. (I.E. This escort forum.) Raise your hand if you have a streak of kink. Raise your hand if you have sex with strangers because variety is the spice of life. Raise your hand if you're a lurker and ICKY (ECCIE) is where you get off by reading literotica, alternatively known as Independent Provider Reviews. Raise your hand if you troll hooker boards because you thrive on possibilities of the unknown, like car dates and cruising Rundburg are your thing. Raise your hand if you've learned that providing provides the necessary perks of a work-smart-not-hard lifestyle. Raise your hand if the root of every decision is sex.
My arm has done more up-downs than a Catholic in church. With me? Good.
2B.2) Sex is FUN. P in the V and make me C, fun. Create-a-new-identity and sign-up-for-GOOGLE Voice, fun. Browse blondes, brunettes, and the select redhead (or gay, or trans, or whatever the fuck you want) fun. Turn climaxes into a commodity, fun. Every kind of carnal, hedonistic, and boast-your-exploits-to-the-world fun. So why have we allowed the forum, which supplies and supports our hidden addictions, to shrivel into a wasteland of misogyny, dirty laundry, and hate? CoEd used to be fun.
2B.3) The Icky (ECCIE) of today is like shitty, skunky, float-the-river beer. Like Frio or Nattie Ice. Yuck. I still remember the ECCIE that created the controversy commonly known as "KLOVVE" - which I'm not going to wax on about because that isn't the point and no one really gives a fuck about her anyway. Sure, everyone enjoys the occasional flame out of any random community member - think Britney circa 2007, we love travesty and drama - but this cesspool of toxic bullshit and vindictive call-outs has poisoned the well that once fed us foreplay. If I wanted to watch people bitch and bicker I would spend more time at home over the holidays, sober.
3A) Consider this a call to action (albeit dramatic and wrought with overused alliteration): can we call off the cavalry? Let's swap weapons for whips and put some life (and fun) back into this fantasy forum we all cherish and covet. Let's talk about sex, baby. Let that freak flag fly.
3A.1) If the goal is to fill our beds with lovers or our banks with dollars, insulting the market won't help the quest. I believe in a CoEd that draws attention with sexy syndicates, word porn, strategically placed ThreADS and the occasional tit/dick pick. Which would you rather read: a steamy story that turns your panties wet, or the unoriginal drivel from the bland, the bitchy, and the brave-behind-the-keyboard? Soak my britches any day of the week.
3A.2) In sum, be nice to each other. Pussy and prosperity grow faster when they're high on love. Let Donald Trump be the asshole, he seems to be really great at it.
Now please, discuss. (Metaphorical mic drop)
*After a quick look at today's CoEd climate, it appears the storm is nowhere near the level 5 hurricane I projected. Not a weather woman, people, but I stand behind my statement*
Here comes the sun☀️
