Sensual Domination

[guest012511]

The realm of sensual domination has caught my attention.

I am wondering if anyone could kindly recommend any literature or other whatnots that elaborates on this art.

I am not interested in the hardcore aspect (severe pain, humiliation or heavy bondage, medical stuff...). Inflicting pain is not my pleasure.

Any information would be greatly appreciated.

Private messages are welcomed.

Cheers,
Hanna

[ElisabethWhispers]

Glad to help! Here is a topic that I started a while back in the "Another Realm" part of this website. Although you do wish to learn more about the softer side of things, this is a good starting point. Also, although there are some topics that are on this side of extreme, there is a lot of good information to be gleaned from that forum as a whole.

Because I'm lazy, I'm not going to augment this list to add a whole lot of books that are exceptionally fun reading and good information but for what it's worth, going to a good second hand book store and getting pointed in the right direction of the erotica section can be a whole lot of fun! Good luck!

Here is the thread and my first post:

http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=20049

I have a collection of books that deal with erotica in many forms. Honestly, this is how I started learning about the kind of things that we're discussing in this forum. And since a few people have asked me for suggestions of reading in this alternative realm, I thought that I would make a list that I shared a long time ago on another site. This list has been augmented somewhat. I would appreciate any additions and discussion of the books listed.

Classics:

-Story of O by Pauline Reage
-The Complete Works of the Marquis de Sade (Much of it is gross but what can I say?)
-The Pearl (A collection of underground Victorian porn)
-Satyricon by Petronius

How To’s:

-Extreme Space by F.R.R. Mallory (One of the best out there but hard to find)
-Different Loving (Not the best book out there but gives a lot of perspective on different views concerning different sexual lifestyles. Good all around value for around $25 bucks)
-The Forked Tongue by Flagg (The most severe book on the subject that I've read and the most true. It's a book for people who want to learn how to behave badly)

There are so many how to books out there and it's difficult to weed through them. If you're interested in japanese rope binding, Midori writes several books and also has a website. www.planetmidori.com

Philosophy:

The Double Flame: Love and Eroticism by Octavio Paz

Modern Novels just for Fun:

-The Beauty Trilogy by whatever name she is using at this time…Ann Rice (O.K., it’s a guilty pleasure and I just love these books!)
-The Marketplace Series by Laura Antoniou (A series of five books and just GREAT hardcore reading. Along with Nine and One Half Weeks, my favorites)
-The Sexual Life of Catherine M. by Catherine Millet (True story)
-The Gor series by John Norman (What some would consider good trash and I’m looking for a few of those for my collection as well.)
-Nine and One Half Weeks (The movie was crap but this is probably one of the top books that I would recommend to learn how a person can be lead from just being a vanilla sexual creature to one that accepts an extreme bdsm relationship. This is also based on a true story.)
-The Ages of Lulu by Almudena Grandes (This book is in Spanish translation and not for the faint of heart. True and very literate BDSM porn…well, some of it...European styling)
-The Piano Teacher by Elfrieded Jelinek (Just got this one last week and it's very dark ...and getting darker by each page)

And one more interesting book: A History of Orgies by Burgo Partridge.

Hope this list is interesting for you. Again, this list is completely incomplete and I'm looking forward to other titles being mentioned and comments!

Thanks!
Elisabeth

P.S. literotica.com is a good site to read literary (and not so literary) smut.

[ElisabethWhispers]

A final note, for the record, I'm NOT an expert on this subject ... but I do know one thing, so much of this is mental and not physical.

Just something else to think about!

Warmly,
Elisabeth

[SophieSimone]

Great topic and thanks so much for responding, Elisabeth. I love having new books to add to my reading list!

I have recently started subbing for one very special client only, but am interested in branching into sensual domination as well so I could share with other clients. Being dominant over a man doesn't feel natural to me though, is it possible to "train" yourself to become a switch? I do find sensual domination very interesting....

xoxo Sophie

[ForumPoster]

Originally Posted by SophieSimone

it possible to "train" yourself to become a switch? I do find sensual domination very interesting....

xoxo Sophie

Sensual Domination is amazing. I actually started as Fem Domme. Occasionally I feel the need to give up the control and be on submissive side.

I think these are two sides of same coin - represent your state of mind and level of stress in life more than anything.

Is it possible to train yourself? Not sure. It is possible however to discover new things about yourself.

Lina

PS I find that on those rare occasions when i do Sub, it also has to be withing exact parameters I define.

[Jasleen Sejour]

Fascinating topic Hanna!

I thought you might be interested in reading the private memoirs of Hannah Cullwick (Race, Cross-Dressing and the Cult of Domesticity) from the book "Imperial Leather". I first read this very provocative essay in my Women Studies class this year. If I remember correctly from lecture the essay discusses the first recorded memoir of fetishism, submission and dome during the Victorian era.

I hope this helps you in discovering the info you are researching.

[tylorblake]

Originally Posted by SophieSimone

I have recently started subbing for one very special client only, but am interested in branching into sensual domination as well so I could share with other clients. Being dominant over a man doesn't feel natural to me though, is it possible to "train" yourself to become a switch? I do find sensual domination very interesting....

In the past two years I have had a couple of special gentlemen friends "train" me to be comfortable with my inner dom. It is uncomfortable at first. We are used to wanting to cater to needs of our gentleman, to pamper them, to be sweet and kind. At first the thought of whipping and poring hot wax seemed very uncomfortable. However overcoming that uncomfortableness for their pleasure can be quite erotic.....on occasion.It is not something I want, or could do everyday, but it does add a bit of spice to my already flavorful life.

[SophieSimone]

Thank you for the insight Tylor, that is exactly what I hope to overcome. It's wonderful that our jobs let us explore these untapped inner parts of ourselves.

xoxo Sophie

[pjorourke]

Maybe I'm too vanilla, but I don't get "sensual domination". What is the attraction?

[Rudyard K]

Originally Posted by pjorourke

What is the attraction?

Ditto?

I think of sensual domination and think...Tied to the bed post nekkid, with honey being licked off the guy or gal, and being tickled with a feather, prolonging things for a long time until culminating in a finish. I then think, OK? I can see how that would fascinate someone.

But whips and hot wax? Yikes!! I'd rather go to the dentist.

[RickO'shayRabbitt]

First of all, the term domination means different things to each individual (IMO). I believe EW is correct in that it is more mental than physical, although the physical component is important.

Finally, to those of you who don't "get" it, well, there you have it. It would be like explaining colors to a blind person. You either get it or you don't.

[pjorourke]

Well is it anything like azure?

[LynetteMarie]

Originally Posted by pjorourke

Well is it anything like azure?

Naah, way more like cyan.

Seriously, though, this is a world that fascinates me but I don't quite "get."
While I am comfortable being submissive to certain lovers who I absolutely adore, I doubt I would allow wax, pin pricks or electric shocks to be administered to my body. Holding my arms above my head or behind my back is the extent of it...at least for now.

[discreetgent]

Originally Posted by pjorourke

Maybe I'm too vanilla, but I don't get "sensual domination". What is the attraction?

From what I understand, on a physical level, the endorphin rush when a scene really works is out of this world. On a mental level, what some submissives have explained to me, when done right there is a mindspace the person goes into that makes it worth it, they couldn't really explain in terms I could get what that was.

[atxbadboy]

Domination is not S&M and thus does not imply any pain. It is like when you are getting into it having sex with a girl and you grab her and hold her down. Most women love a guy to dominate them. In the reverse as a guy it is really fun to let go and let a woman be in control. It's like riding different themes at the theme park. Personally I prefer to dominate but I'm just a bit of a controlling person (and very ok with it) so it makes sense. In other words wax and paddles are S&M. Tieing someone down and being in control is B&D.

I don't think there is anything to understand why some people like pain or being dominated or whatever. It is like trying to understand why someone is gay. People are what they are. If Amy's Ice Cream only served vanilla they probably wouldn't be in business very long.