This website might get you started with learning about different groups. There are a couple of conventions that are here yearly. The Fetish Ball is one that I'm familiar with and there's another one that is here every fall season but I'm forgetting the name of it. Oh yes, Beyond Vanilla (which btw might be a good name for an alternative sex forum here). You would both probably like that one.
But I've heard that some of these "get acquainted" monthly meetings can be very cliquish and "Old Guard" style which pretty much means no sexual activities during conventions and workshops, etc.
At least it's a start for you.
http://www.dallasbdsm.com/pookie.html
Might be just better to find another couple or individual that wishes to play as well on alt.com or another type of similar site. Good luck with this. Finding a good match for people to play with in this fashion is VERY difficult.
Trust me on this. I could write a book on it. A small book but one none-the-less. Finding an escort to get you started on this path is also a fine idea. Many to choose from ...
Elisabeth