What would you do if you saw a woman being abused? Would it matter if she were a prostitute?

[Shea Veile]

Copy & Pasted from The Christian Science Monitor

News & Opinion: Click Here


What would you do if you saw a woman being abused by her boyfriend?

That was the question posed by a recent episode of ABC’s candid camera social experiment show, “What Would You Do?”

The producers sent an actress, made up to look badly bruised, into a diner and filmed the reactions of her fellow patrons when her “boyfriend,” also an actor, followed her inside and began insulting and yelling at her.

When he became physically violent, grabbing her wrists and leaving no doubt in patrons’ minds that he had inflicted those bruises, they sprang into action. Diners of both genders came to the woman’s defense, urging her to leave the diner with them or confronting her boyfriend about his behavior.

Changing the race of the actor and actress from white to black elicited much the same reaction, though diners were slower to act when the woman and her boyfriend

Then the producers changed another variable: What the woman was wearing. In the first two scenarios the actress was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. In the second two scenarios, the same actresses were dressed provocatively, in low-cut dresses. And in those latter instances, regardless of the woman’s race, no patrons intervened to stop her boyfriend from abusing her. Two fellow diners – women – looked on, speculating in whispers that the bruised woman being verbally and physically abused just feet away from them might be a prostitute.

Last month at a conference at Harvard University, I spoke on a panel about what we in the feminist community call “slut-shaming.” Slut-shaming, the practice of reviling women for even appearing to be sexual, runs rampant in our culture. Women are expected to walk a fine line when it comes to sexuality: They have to be sexy, of course, but if they’re too sexy, they’re punished for it.

We see that punishment in pop culture: In horror movies, the women who have sex are brutally murdered, while the virginal woman tends to live. We see it in politics: Remember the media firestorm when Hillary Rodham Clinton showed “too much” cleavage, and when Sarah Palin posed for a magazine cover in running shorts? (There was no such firestorm when photos surfaced of Massachusetts senatorial candidate Scott Brown posed, naked, in Cosmopolitan magazine). And of course, we see it in our own daily lives: Who hasn’t been called, or thought of someone as, a slut at least once?

People who slut-shame believe that a woman who wears a low-cut dress, or behaves in any way that suggests that she is a sexual being, is less valuable than other women. The mere suggestion of sex, makes her dirty; less worthy of our respect; and more deserving of our insults, mockery, and violence. She deserves whatever she gets, we reason, because she chooses to act in a way that devalues her as a person.

The scene that unfolded in that diner as the hidden cameras rolled was an example of the real-life consequences of this. Being called a name in high school hurts a girl’s feelings and threatens her reputation, and it’s an experience no one deserves. But once we leave high school, once we take our attitudes about women, sex, and human worth out into the world, the stakes get higher. What happened in that diner was an example of the very real, potentially life-and-death, consequences of the belief that women who are sexual are less deserving of basic human rights.

Nowhere is this belief more evident than in the way our culture treats women who do for a living what the rest of us do in private. When asked why they didn't intervene, the two women who suspected that the victim of abuse in the diner might have been a prostitute offered those suspicions as an explanation.

They believed that because she might have been a sex worker, she wasn’t worthy of their concern or effort, and were perfectly comfortable saying as much on the record as the camera rolled. But as one of the actresses asked afterward, what difference should it make if she were a prostitute?

Why should it make her less deserving of the intervention that was offered to a more modestly dressed woman? Regardless of how you feel about prostitution, or about low-cut dresses, all women deserve to live lives free of violence.

The attitudes expressed by those two women are common, says Audacia Ray, a sexuality rights activist, co-founder of Sex Work Awareness, and a former sex worker herself. “Sex workers generally aren’t treated as whole human beings worthy of dignity and respect in American culture,” Ms. Ray told me.

And as the scene in that diner demonstrated, the mere suspicion that she is a sex worker is enough to disqualify a woman from that, and from the potentially life-saving intervention that patrons were prepared to make for a more modestly dressed woman. And lives are at risk: According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, almost 1 in 3 female homicide victims whose deaths are reported to the police are killed by an intimate partner.

"Sex worker" is a term that encompasses a range of occupations, not all of which are illegal. Not all lawbreakers deserve our respect, of course, but what makes people in America so willing to disrespect prostitutes is that they sell sex. The way we treat prostitutes is simply an extreme manifestation of the way we treat all women who are publicly sexual. I don't advocate breaking the law, but I do advocate treating all human beings with respect.

There is nothing a woman can do, no dress she can wear, no job she can work that makes her more deserving of violence. Perhaps you haven’t been in a diner and witnessed domestic violence happening just a few tables away from you.

But domestic violence is happening right under your nose, and all around you: One in 4 American women will experience domestic abuse in her lifetime. That’s 1.3 million women a year.

The question, then, shouldn’t be “What would you do?” The question is, “What will you do?”



**End of Article**

[DukeCooper]

i don't tolerate ANY violent behavior towards a woman

Absolutely not happening on my watch

[mtabsw]

I like to think I'd defend the weak regardless of appearance or even gender. It is a dangerous situation but I think you can always scream. "CALL 911" even if you're by yourself.

Another reason why Texas is a great place, besides DFW provider talent we have CHL.

[shooter6.5]

In Texas you have the right to protect your life and/or the life of others. And you have a lot of folks who carry concealed and based on the level of violence the use of the weapon may come into play. One of the most dangerous calls LE officers make is domestic disturbance calls, as you never really know what or how it will turn out.

I have been involved in this type of scenario with adults and with a parent disciplining his child, and you need to be certain what you are getting into and certain in your mind that you are going to follow through with your actions 100%. Ya cannot stop in the middle-it just does not play back like a video.

[SxxyZoi]

I have no heart for an abuser at all, hearing or seeing this just makes me so mad!! If I witnessed this IDK what I would do or could do due to me being small. Of course Id call 911 and try to do everything in my power to help.

Everyone desrves respect and dignity, no matter what. Its no one right to harm anyone mentally, physically or emotionally - Its just not right but we face it everyday.

[Guest082216-1]

I would do everything in my power, even at my own risk to help someone in need. Age, race, gender, how one is dressed has nothing to do with it.

[looiecypher]

We all should help in these situations no matter who is being abused but shooter is right , getting directly involved is not always the best answer. Call 911 without hesitation.Confronting these assholes person to person can be very dangerous.They have already proven they have zero respect for another human being. Many times they will redirect their anger towards the person trying to help and that innocent bystander is harmed or even killed.
Again call 911 immediately. That is the best and surest way you can help. For the guys , only get in a face to face if it is obvious that the police may not arrive in time and make sure you can protect yourself.
All women deserve to be treated with respect no matter how sexual they are.
It would be nice if some of the guys on here who use derogatory terms for the ladies who provide for us could understand that the ladies are still human beings and deserve respect. If they treat the ladies badly here ,how will and how do they treat them in person?
So get involved here , by calling them out when you see them being rude and disrespectful. Alert the mods to their behaviour.
Its all abuse whether it be phyiscal,mental or verbal.

[steverino50]

Would it matter if she were a prostitute? About as much as it would matter if she were an accountant! Hell NO!!!
Come to think of it, I like most prostitutes much better than most accountants!!!

[sky_wire]

Getting personally involved in a situation like that is very dangerous. The smart thing is to just call 911. If you can do it safely, maybe yell at the abuser that you’ve called 911.

As far as jumping into to fray, you’re asking for trouble. For example, maybe you’re a CHL holder and you end up shooting the guy. If the woman has been in a long term abusive relationship, nine times out of ten she’ll tell the police that you murdered her b/f. Then you’re screwed. Sure she hates being beaten, but she still loves the guy. That's why she'll view you as the aggressor. Again, you just don't know what your jumping into.

Better just to call the police. That’s what they get paid for.

[stevesanderson]

Boo hoo.

The truth is that if you see a woman being abused, it is most likely not the first time. Abuse starts gradually. I know a few women who were abused and they CHOSE to go back to their abuser every time.

So what would I do? NOTHING. You see, I have attempted to help out before, and both times the ladies went back to the guy who was slapping her around. I knew a girl, her name was Kelly..sweet girl, but her boyfriend was abusing her. She had many chances to leave him and many warning signs..until one day he killed her in front of her toddler. Sad...but your stopping him from pounding her that day would have just delayed it until the next. Same goes for another girl I knew named Alicia - her boyfriend pushed her in front of a car on the highway. My friends tried to help her get her life together, but she LOVED abusive men and never the nice guy.

I guarantee you that the woman that you see abused has had many chances to leave the man (or woman) you see whacking her. Let's say you intervene, then what? You think she's just going to check into a shelter with her kids? Nope. Are you going to give her a place to live...or provide therapy to teach her to be attracted to non-abusive guys? Doubt you are.

There is nothing you can do. I don't blame the abuser as much as I blame the woman for not leaving him. There are plenty of programs and people willing to help.

[lisa.lisa0302]

Interesting thread

I would help no matter what, First I would call the police, then help the woman out, sure she may go back to her abusive mate, but he would not be beating her for that particular period of time.


Men who hit woman are pathetic and plain ole chickenshit...Pardon my language.

Edit: Just read Steve's post.

I to have seen some jacked up stuff happen to woman (some were friends). Its very sad, but you have a point. They will go back. But sorry I would help, I have no clue what goes on in private. But in public, im helping, maybe if someone intervened or helped, the joker would be arrested, and the at least the poor girl could get a peaceful night of sleep for once.

[superkoby]

I was at a Poker Tournament one night where I frequently play,and I saw a man slap the you know what out of a Women.I didn't say a word,I got up from the table,walked over and the fight was on.I could have easily been somebody's cellmate.He ended up in the Ambulance and I ended up in the back seat of a Police car,Make know mistake,I would do it again no matter what type of profession that lady chooses.

[looiecypher]

There is nothing you can do. I don't blame the abuser as much as I blame the woman for not leaving him.

Kind of tells what kind of man you are doesn't it?
Whether they go back or not does not matter. If you are willing to sit by and see it and let it happen you are no better than the abuser.
The women that go back need the help even more because of what you described.They need help in more ways than one.Especially counseling to make them see they don't need the asshole that is abusing them. There would be no reason for you to pay the counseling ,that can be attained for free. Attitudes like yours lend aid to the abusers. Then again your attitude towards the ladies is well documented here on this site.
Doing nothing is never an option!! Period.

[tsrv4me]

I would like to think that I would step in and help in some way .......but at my Age most younger males would pay NO ATTENTION to me ..unless I took drastic action and had some type of weapon or hit him aside his head with a blunt object .....baseball bat type object ..I would certainly call the,police to come to her aide .There is NO reason for a male to hit a female or abuse her in any way ...T

[dodger]

Seems to be two issues. One, would you engage in the situation? Two, would your perception of the lady have an effect on your decision?

Funny how people react. I'd like to think I would step and protect a person in this situation, as others have said, regardless of gender or other circumstances.

Would have been interesting to see how folks would have reacted to a gay. Violence against gays seems to be tolerated on just about every level.

I come here to runaway from the real world and participate in fantasy. Not sure I want to encourage soul searching into my ethical and moral compass.

But I can certainly appreciate Shea raising the part B of the issue. Get's back to some of the recent threads regarding respect for providers. I would like to think I conduct myself well in all circumstances but don't relish that being put to the test.

Bob

Bob