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Guest053011 · 08-13-2010, 12:23 PM

Okay this one's a Lauren ramble, I'm sure you all remember what those are like. Somewhere there's a point, and in between there will be a lot of rambling as I find it therapeutic and helpful, so I hope you'll all put up with it.

I went through a significant life change recently regarding a relationship with a friend (nothing to do with our little sub culture). What happened doesn't actually matter. I find it interesting you can want and hope for something or a long time, and then when it happens, the implications blind side you.

Things totally unrelated to the event have changed for me. The way I view my personal and professional life has changed considerably and I'm trying to come to terms and figure out what that really means. I don't feel like the same person today that I was two months ago.

Those close to me have noticed a sudden change, and I'm trying to find ways to talk to people about it, but I don't really know what's different. I don't know how to express it yet, I'm trying to find the words. As I'm sure many of you can imagine, not having the words to accurately express something is rather distressing for me.

So what I struggle with each time such great and sudden change occurs is an unspeakable level of guilt. I feel like changing things on people makes me seem insincere, dishonest, flaky. However, life is change, even things that are forever have to change in order to last a lifetime. My childhood friends try to tattoo that into my brain. They insisted changing doesn't alter that I'm a fundamentally good person and have to take care of myself first and foremost. Even when I've went through period where I hardly spoke those two for years, their level of warmth and welcoming has never been anything but eager and embracing. I'm quite blessed to have friends give me such unconditional love and support - but I can't expect that level of depth and commitment from everyone. So as the curiosity continues "why are you acting so different?" I'm really quite stressed out.

I can think of other moments in my life where this happened. Becoming an escort was one of them. I had dreamed about it since I was 14, and spent many years just playing with the idea. The moment opportunity presented itself I took the plunge. It was quite different then what I had imagined, but not all bad. After my first week, I was no longer the same person I used to be only a few months earlier. In fact, I changed my first name, and after that even my childhood friends called me by the new name.

Years later, I met a client who then did the same thing. He changed everything for me, redefined this lifestyle for me (in an amazingly good way), and it altered unrelated parts of my life.

It's hard to explain to people, that my world had changed, as a result I'm not exactly the same person, and so everything and everyone I knew needed to be re-evaluated. Every philosophy I had was looked over again, all my relationships changed (friends, work, family etc...) Some for the better, some for the worse, some basically neutral.

So I wonder as I sip my tea, beyond my rambling (thanks), if becoming an escort or hobbyist did anything to fundamentally change how you viewed the world, yourself, or other aspects of your life?

charlestudor2005 · 08-13-2010, 12:30 PM

I'll be back after I've thought about this...

In the meantime, a philosopher (Aristotle, I think...damn! it's been too many years, and this stuff ain't fresh any longer) said that you can't step into the same stream twice.

WTF · 08-13-2010, 12:46 PM

11. Reporting Live from Tomorrow

Our false view of happiness, and what gives us happiness, is a product of cultural values that replicates itself to ensure the prorogation of successful generations. This is not unlike how genes get promoted and passed on through generations.
Imagination's three shortcomings:

its tendency to fill in and leave out without telling us.
its tendency to project the present onto the future.
its failure to recognize that things will look different once they happen.

The solution is to not attempt to guess/imagine the future, but instead, base your prediction on other people's actual experience. See and ask how others who have gone through the same experience feels. Try your best to not assume that you will feel much differently because you are special or unique.
The author has the foresight that this "simple" solution is likely to be rejected at once by most readers. =)
http://www.wikisummaries.org/Stumbling_on_Happiness

AveryMoore · 08-13-2010, 12:55 PM

Herclitus: No man steps into the same river twice, for it is not the same river, and he is not the same man.

Great reference, Charles. It's one of my ATF (wink wink, review board terminology!) quotes.

Guest053011 · 08-13-2010, 12:59 PM

Stumbling On Happiness:

I actually think I found happiness quite some time ago. I have unhappy moments but they pass relatively quickly. At the core I am at peace with myself and my life.

I think the keys to happiness are simple to express, but not simple to apply.

Though I appreciate the post it's not so much a question of finding happiness, but dealing with great change.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AveryMoore

Herclitus: No man steps into the same river twice, for it is not the same river, and he is not the same man.

A most excellent quote.

onehitwonder · 08-13-2010, 12:59 PM

Can I just say, you're sweet. Not a come on as I am someones grandma.( just barely! LOL) I came across you/website about a month or so ago while I was looking around. I read the things you had to say and immediately thought, hmmm... sounds like a sofisticated flower child. And now this. How very mature you seem for such a young person. I am a student of the school of hard knocks. Needless to say you tend to grow up as fast as you HAVE to. I remember something a pastor said (I attend church once in a great while) God puts people in your life and removes them as he sees fit. If this is true, your childhood friends are still there for a reason. The others that you spoke of may have ran their course. I am not as well spoken as you so I guess what I'm trying to say is "do you". Be you. Whoever that turns out to be. Growing and evolving into a better/happier person can only be a good thing. If you're happy with the girl you see in the mirror every morning that babe is what counts. Do you like you? So far, I do.

Respectfully,
Onehitwonder

WTF · 08-13-2010, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

Stumbling On Happiness:

I actually think I found happiness quite some time ago. I have unhappy moments but they pass relatively quickly. At the core I am at peace with myself and my life.

I think the keys to happiness are simple to express, but not simple to apply.

Though I appreciate the post it's not so much a question of finding happiness, but dealing with great change.

.

I'm sorry. My post was confusing. I did not mean to focus on the book or happiness. It was more to your musing this point:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

. The way I view my personal and professional life has changed considerably and I'm trying to come to terms and figure out what that really means. I don't feel like the same person today that I was two months ago.

See and ask how others who have gone through the same experience feels. Try your best to not assume that you will feel much differently because you are special or unique.
The author has the foresight that this "simple" solution is likely to be rejected at once by most readers. =)
http://www.wikisummaries.org/Stumbling_on_Happiness

Maybe that is exactly what you are doing. Asking others how they felt after going through great change. If so, Herclitus':'' No man steps into the same river twice, for it is not the same river, and he is not the same man.'' is the simple advice that the author of 'Stumbling on Happiness' forebodes that most will reject. Good luck and welcome back.

Rudyard K · 08-13-2010, 01:44 PM

Change tends to send you back to your center...whatever or whereever that may be. Most of the time we find our old friends still waiting there for us...and sometimes some new ones who we didn't know before. But, they are all there because it is our center...even though we may not have realized it for a while.

Like the first two stanzas of this old poem...America For Me.
-------
'Tis fine to see the Old World and travel up and down
Among the famous palaces and cities of renown,
To admire the crumbly castles and the statues and the kings
But now I think I've had enough of antiquated things.

So it's home again, and home again, America for me!
My heart is turning home again and there I long to be,
In the land of youth and freedom, beyond the ocean bars,
Where the air is full of sunlight and the flag is full of stars.
------
When you get through dealing with the change...I think you tend to find out you're just back to the center where you always were...maybe more knowledgeable...but still the same you.

charlestudor2005 · 08-13-2010, 02:44 PM

I think your poetry sentiment is correct for the thread even though the OP is Canadian. She is American...North American, but her flag carries an Maple Leaf, not stars...

Just sayin'...

Rudyard K · 08-13-2010, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

I think your poetry sentiment is correct for the thread even though the OP is Canadian. She is American...North American, but her flag carries an Maple Leaf, not stars...

Just sayin'...

Yep, I know she is Canadian...but as you alluded to...it was posted for the sentiment...not the local.

Leah Ireland · 08-13-2010, 04:08 PM

I read about half way through what you wrote. What, you don't allow yourself to evolve??? You change who you are anytime you feel like it. It's called growth and spiritual choice (and whatever your language allows - whatever).

WTF · 08-13-2010, 04:11 PM

Do I need to get you two boys a room?

atlcomedy · 08-13-2010, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WTF

Do I need to get you two boys a room?

I think a week of RK & CT sharing a bachelor pad would be Reality TV ratings gold!!!!

WTF · 08-13-2010, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atlcomedy

I think a week of RK & CT sharing a bachelor pad would be Reality TV ratings gold!!!!

Oh man, I'd pay to see that train wreck!

Most people can look back over the years and identify a time and place at which their lives changed significantly. Whether by accident or design, these are the moments when, because of a readiness within us and a collaboration with events occurring around us, we are forced to seriously reappraise ourselves and the conditions under which we live and to make certain choices that will affect the rest of our lives.

- Frederick F. Flack

Rudyard K · 08-13-2010, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WTF

Do I need to get you two boys a room?

Quote:

Originally Posted by atlcomedy

I think a week of RK & CT sharing a bachelor pad would be Reality TV ratings gold!!!!

Here I was...trying to be nice, so that neither of you two boys, would jump in with some Repub or conservative bashing comment...and you throw me to the wolves. I'm hurt.