In a bar, a man is boasting that his Pit Bull can beat any dog; another customer pooh-poohs his claim, saying he has a dog that could not only beat the Pit Bull but eat it as well. Bullshit, declares the first man; bring your mutt around to the back of the bar. So the customer returns with a very ugly yellow dog on a lead; they are set against one another and begin to fight. Immediately, the yellow dog kills the Pit Bull and then eats it. The owner is shocked. "What kind of dog is that, anyway?"
"Before I cut his tail off and painted him yellow, he was a crocodile."
A man walks into a fine establishment with a crocodile under his arm, places the crocodile on the bar, grabs an empty beer bottle and says to the crowd, "Hey! Watch this shit!" He raps the crocodile on the head with the beer bottle and it opens its mouth at which point the man whips out his business and places his genitalia gingerly into to reptile's jaws. He raps the crocodile on the head once more with the beer bottle and its toothy mouth closes on the man's unit. After a few moments, he hits the crocodile on the head once more and retrieves his cock and balls unscathed. He bellows, "How about that!? 100 bucks to whoever wants to give it a try!" A woman in the back raises her hand and says, "I'd love to, but promise not to hit me with that bottle."