Friendships and the hobby

[Guest062124]

You all know by now that I am a softie and emotional..so I thought I would just confirm it with this thread.

Traci's post on the things we love about the hobby made me think about some of the people who came into my life because of the hobby, that I thought would be a part of my life for the long term. Had that been the outcome, I wouldn't be posting this.

Before anyone says anything negative....this is not a threAD or about money, this is about friendship and that is it. I am just wondering a couple of things..


Over the last few years, I have had several clients I considered close friends that have slowly but surely disappeared from every aspect of friendship that we had, (emails or texts checking on each other or sharing good news..Etc. ) which makes me believe that the "illusion of friendship" was used on me..lol. There wasn't a "falling out", miscommunication or anything negative that caused the rift in the relationships, so I guess that is what confuses me.

Gentlemen, when you walk away from a lady friend...like not seeing her anymore...cutting off all communication with her, is it hard on you?

What are some of the reasons that you walk away?

I am sure that I probably put too much emotion in everything I do, but when I consider someone a friend, it is really hard to lose them as one.


You can't make people be your friend, why would you want to? I just want some opinions on this. I know that we aren't supposed to take this thing too seriously, but I take all of my relationships that way, friendships and otherwise.


I hope this makes sense...and no, I am not PMSing.


Edited to add: Ladies feel free to give your opinions as well.

[happyndallas45]

Dear Ms. Foster, I, for one, just pull back when I actually start to fall for someone in the Hobby. This is a hard reply to articualte. There have been a couple of Providers that I felt I would actually have wanted to date. It's just "easier" to keep things more arms length. Whether it be the Hobby or an affair for the married ones, the more emotion given and received the better the feeling. I'll use Cold, Warm, and Hot as descripters. I don't think you can have hot without emotion. And when there is emotion, big decisions, life decisions, much bigger than the Hobby exist. I think this is a very caring community, but when it comes to bringing your fellow hobbyists in to your RL, it is a big move.

[rachet3375]

You are a softie darlin'. Altho we have never had the pleasure of a tryst I have kept tabs on you for some time now (not stalking!), just admiring from afar. Your attitude, sense of humor and your look make me think you would be a good friend to have. All that to say this... I have made what I considered friends of a few of the ladies I have visited and it is hard when I don't get to see them as often as I would like. I don't necessarily need to see them for the intimate acts as they are just fun to be with. I am a widower and it amazes me just how much I miss the company of a woman, the conversation and just being around a woman as she's being a woman. Sounds corny I know, but it is what it is. Thing is I know that they like me, but I don't want to intrude on their lives or livelihood so I don't impose. It is hard not to want to and no, I am not foolish enough to think I am in love with them. It is tough trying to deal with women in civilian life after being married for 28 yrs. Didn't mean to wring out a sob story it is just that your post hit a spot. Maybe not wanting to impose or they thought their feelings might be growing past your/their comfort zone.

BTW, happyindallas45 has good points. We are human afterall.

[Guest020720]

I've got several "hobby friends" that have been clients - and some that I've never met in person...but he's never missed sending me an e-card for a holiday, birthday, or even some that are "just because". He's given me invaluable advice from my very first days on the P. Even suggested a book I should read...I think it was The Business Side of Escorting. I don't follow all that it says - but I was able to use it, then pass it on. Very helpful.

Back to the topic...
He went months and months with just the e-cards...which I would check every 4 months so I wouldn't loose my email acct....and I would reply when I could.
I think what makes my friendships work - provider world or RL....is that I know the people I surround myself with understand...or come to understand...that I can & will pick up where we left off. Whether they haven't seen me in years or hooked up with another provider that rocked their world harder than I could. (inconceivable, I know. J/K)

I hope it helps client friends understand that the "no strings" part of this can remain...except when they want to have some strings (to an extent)...without any hurt feelings or expectations.

Hopefully that makes sense.

[gptxman]

I personally just don't message, text, ect. that much because I don't feel it is right. I haven't spent time with you but have had good times and close feelings with other providers. I keep my contact with them to only when meeting or shortly after for only a day or so. I guess I just figure that they are busy enough with out me wasting their time.

[TheWanderer]

It's a tight-rope that both sides walk Reese. Sometimes either side can become afraid of falling off and getting hurt so they stop getting on the tight-rope.
The definition from Wiki ironically sums it up pretty well...

Tightrope walking (or funambulism) is the art of walking along a thin wire or rope, usually at a great height. One or more artists performs in front of an audience (a common act in circuses) or as a publicity stunt (often attempting to set location-specific distance or height records). Tightrope walkers sometimes use balancing poles and may perform the feat without a safety net for effect

The audience is the hobby world, the circus is in our minds and the pubilicity stunt is our egos.

But I actually admire you for having the courage to recognize and express your feelings. I really do. That's a rare quality in this world.

All relationships have a life-span. They all have a beginning and an end. None of them last forever... on this earth.

[Prolongus]

I think a lot of us guys would love to be in more contact with favorite Providers, but we respect your private life and don't want to cross the line, Reese...for 2 reasons that I think of:
1. If we get too annoying by flooding you with emails, phone calls, etc., we run the risk of never seeing you again...definitely don't want that.
Which leads to reason #2: We WANT to flood you with emails, phone calls, etc., but realize it's the wrong thing to do, so we back off...maybe more than we need to...I think some of us guys don't know when too much is too much...

This is a VERY EMOTIONAL BUSINESS...and sometimes us (clients) or you (Providers) get clouded in our thinking...lots of other reasons why guys (or girls) disappear as friends, Reese...family, moving, time constraints, new found religion, lol...but...here I am rambling instead of snuggling in bed with you...mmmmmmmmmm....and please stalk me, email me, attack me on the street and RIP my clothes off...make my day!

[Int3rested]

I consider most I meet my friend and look forward to seeing them again...

[Ranchhand]

There was this lady that I became very attached too, and thought that we were friends. She treated me more like a friend than a client. I tried to keep in touch with her, not to the extent of stalking. I talked with her on several occasions.
I saw her a couple of times over a 3 month period, and we got along great. Its difficult to judge a ladies thinking. After a while I became what she called a "time waster". This was not a handle I wanted to be associated with, therefore I quit contacting her.
I suppose we both had different ideas of what a friendship was and was not. Ms. Foster I believe you could be a great friend, as I also have followed your life on this hobby board. There just comes a point in time when a guy doesnt know if a lady wants to be a true friend or just wants a client, provider relationship. Its a fine line as I found out.

[Guest071613-2]

I've had a lot of gentlemen friends I've met in the hobby who have discussed this very thing. Sometimes we need to look within for the answers. Many times, ladies are good at receiving friendship but they aren't very good at returning it. They call when they need something but when the guy needs something in return, the lady is rarely available. Or it takes moving mountains to see her. Lots of times they walk away in frustration. They are seeking something that the other party is just not able to provide...either physically or emotionally. Sometimes people forget that friendship is a two-way street.

Other times, their own guilt will make them walk away.

I hear much more of the former than the latter, but either way, it always sucks to lose someone you cared about. The best we can do is really do some soul-searching and try to make the best of the friendships that remain, and hopefully learn something from the experience as a whole.

[LucadeJure]

Thank you Reese for bringing this topic to light. I'm very new here and haven't participated in the hobby yet because the feelings you put into words have been rolling around in my head since I joined. And, I keep thinking how difficult it would be to keep RL and the Hobby separate since there hasn't been an SO in my life since my divorce several years ago.

Gentle Breezes,

[grnhrn]

Ms Foster you have introduced a subject I have wrestled with and probably over-thought. Since I've only been in the hobby just under a year I thought my somewhat confusion in the area was just because I am still fairly new and one day it would all come together.

I'm always looking for passion in a session. With me, if there is not some connection with the person, I can't fake it or feel that passion. When it is there I do have a feeling of caring and friendship. I'm not real certain if it is an illusion from either side. The emotion is real. Even though I feel a friendship, I hesitate to move past that point because I realize she has her RL as do I. I could be a friend and still would not abuse the provider/client relationship but not sure the feeling is mutual. On the lighter side, I always love to get the occasional "good morning" or "hope you are doing fine" type of message from someone whom I have been with and really clicked. A RL friend, I would occassionally call and say high or drop by for a cup of coffee but feel like if I would ask to see a provider friend even for just a few minutes to say "hi and how are you" it would be an imposition. So, the friendship is there but stays at arms length. And yes, so far I have had the pleasure of meeting some really nice sweet gals that I would love to call my friends.
If my dissertation on this seems a little confusing it's because..it's confusing.
By the way, in reading your posts, reviews and compliment of you, it is quite obvious that you are a really sweet and caring person. Looking forward to meeting you in person sometimes.

[kend61]

+1 Dannie
I know this is a dangerous game of friendship when one party sees things differntly. As you say guys and gals can only learn from what happens and move on.

[guest061212-1]

It is not exclusive to the hobby, it is the way relationships work in life.

Picture you in the middle, like the sun.

Around you are concentric circles each one further and further away from you, just like the orbits of the planets of our solar system.

The planets are your friends, and some have more friends than others.

Unlike our solar system, some friends move into closer orbits, some into orbits further out, and some staying the same. These change naturally over time as our lives and our friends lives change.

Now you can consciously choose to move some closer and others further out. Sometimes, circumstances make that impossible for awhile.


I actually found an image for the psychological concept I am talking about.




In my own personal mind, I have more circles than this basic chart offers.


Cherish the time with the ones you have when you can. Make it count and let the people that mean something to you know that they mean something to you.



and people thought I did not learn shit in school!
the last part I have learned through experience.

Thus endeth the lesson.

[daty/o]

Reese, you are one of the most beautiful women, both inside and out, on Eccie. We have never had the pleasure, but you probably know from past posts, that I mean that. It is obvious that you truly are "The Complicated Beauty". I wish more providers could manage the emotional aspect of our relationships. I have two, very special ladies, that I no longer see because of emotional reasons. One cannot be friends because her s/o feels threatened by that type of closeness and the other can't accept that friendship can be just that and nothing more. I miss them both. I guess it's just a balancing act too difficult for most. I feel sorry for your friends: they don't realize what they lost.