Hard of Hearing

[Miss Holly Queen]

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter.
He asks the man, “Where did you get such a big lighter?”

The man replies,
”See that man playing piano over there? He’s a genie and he’ll grant you one wish.”

So the guy walks over to the genie and says,
“I wish for a million bucks.”
All of a sudden, the room fills up with a million ducks.

The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says,
“That genie is a little hard of hearing, isn’t he??”

The guy replies,
“No kidding! You think I asked for a 14 inch Bic!”

HAHAHA!!! Toooooo funny...
Just thought I'd add a little humor to y'alls day!!

Have a good one!

[Slitlikr]

Haha!
Love it.

[mr666]

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs ten dollars."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample, and deposited the $10.
The computer made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins.
Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better

[Miss Holly Queen]

Originally Posted by mr666

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs ten dollars."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample, and deposited the $10.
The computer made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins.
Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better

LOLhaha

[pyramider]

I thought this was going to be a thread about BBCR.

[Alyssa XOXO]

Lol Great ones guys!

[spear88]

A teenager takes his new girlfriend out to a romantic place in the park and they screw. He puts her back in the car and say's "If I would have known you were a virgin I would have gone slower. She says, If I had known you were not in a hurry I would have taken off my panty hose.

[mr666]

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her tits, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."

[Slitlikr]

Originally Posted by spear88

A teenager takes his new girlfriend out to a romantic place in the park and they screw. He puts her back in the car and say's "If I would have known you were a virgin I would have gone slower. She says, If I had known you were not in a hurry I would have taken off my panty hose.

Classic!!!
Haven't heard that one yet!
Well done

[mr666]

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"

[Miss Holly Queen]

A husband and wife were trying to setup a new password for their computer... The husband puts "mypenis"

The wife starts laughing hysterically because the computer said "ERROR: NOT LONG ENOUGH"

lol

[RoxyG]

Heres a oldie but goodie

A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened? She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!

[RoxyG]

One day a hooker went to file her taxes, and for occupation she put whoring. The tax collector explained that whoring was an illegal occupation. She said she'd have to go home and think about it and that she'd call him back in a hour with her occupation. An hour later she called him and said, "I've got it... I'm a chicken farmer." He said, "How do you get chicken farmer out of whoring." She said, "I raised over a thousand cocks last year.

[mr666]

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

[Long nose]

LoL all good ones