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bojulay · 02-25-2013, 10:55 PM

How many people out there in the world are self saboteurs?

People that are their own worst enemy.

Seems to run the whole gambit, from salt of the earth types
to the worst criminals.

As an example, on the bachelor TV program out of the three
girls left, the guy sent probably the most attractive desirable
woman packing. Why? I can tell you exactly why. She came
across as being too needy, a big turn off from ether genders
perspective. In doing so she sabotaged herself.

I think if a person could learn to examine themselves for
signs of self sabotage in all of life's situations, it would
save them and those around them a lot of grief.

misspriss · 02-25-2013, 11:54 PM

Women are notorious for doing this in relationships. I've known beautiful gals that couldn't get a boyfriend because they repeatedly gave it up on the first date, one got too drunk every time, another talked too much and I guess I'd be the needy one.

I don't know if it's needy but I like to know right away what his intentions are. I've been single for 4 years because I'd rather be alone than serial date. Once I meet a guy I like, I like to know if we are on the same path, if not - don't call me back. I have no desire for casual sex.

If we get in to a relationship, I can't say no. I'll go to no end to please him. That usually ends with me feeling resentment towards him for not being more considerate. My fault ... I set the path for him to have his way all the time.

I hear all the time WHY ARE YOU SINGLE ... take me on 4 dates and you'll know.

I used to analyze this and feel the need to change but I honestly think being yourself (whether needy, a drunk, a pushover, etc) is the best bet. May take a while but you'll find someone who accepts you as you are. Maybe I'm just foolishly optimistic.

Wakeup · 02-26-2013, 06:20 AM

I...R...O...N...I...C...

bojulay · 02-26-2013, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misspriss

Women are notorious for doing this in relationships. I've known beautiful gals that couldn't get a boyfriend because they repeatedly gave it up on the first date, one got too drunk every time, another talked too much and I guess I'd be the needy one.

I don't know if it's needy but I like to know right away what his intentions are. I've been single for 4 years because I'd rather be alone than serial date. Once I meet a guy I like, I like to know if we are on the same path, if not - don't call me back. I have no desire for casual sex.

If we get in to a relationship, I can't say no. I'll go to no end to please him. That usually ends with me feeling resentment towards him for not being more considerate. My fault ... I set the path for him to have his way all the time.

I hear all the time WHY ARE YOU SINGLE ... take me on 4 dates and you'll know.

I used to analyze this and feel the need to change but I honestly think being yourself (whether needy, a drunk, a pushover, etc) is the best bet. May take a while but you'll find someone who accepts you as you are. Maybe I'm just foolishly optimistic.

Can't agree with your last statement Misspriss, that's the old doing
the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
Never really seems to work being so hopelessly optimistic about
a dooming behavior.

I think it would be much better to become self aware and set
a course for change. Break the cycle so to speak.

Takes a true effort on a persons part, many people get too
married to their behaviors though and change becomes more
scary to them than the (Comfort of the constant) even when
the constant is a doomed concept.

proudoftexas · 02-26-2013, 09:28 AM

Broadly defined, I think everyone is a self-saboteur. Our greatest strengths are also the source of our greatness weaknesses.

We develop all kinds of coping mechanisms to deal with the daily compromises we all make to live our lives. Whether it's dealing with parents, siblings, peers, authority figures, bosses, significant others, what have you. Those coping mechanisms are at least serviceable on some level, or else we die (suicide, murder, accident --- doesn't matter) or get locked up (jail/mental institution, what have you). Sometimes the coping mechanisms even allow us to be what society would term, "successful" although that's an arbitrary term that means all kinds of different things to different people.

No one changes themselves without suffering significant pain. It's simply not worth it. We get comfortable with our coping mechanisms, even when we know they're not healthy. Sometimes we'll cling to them no matter how damaging they are.

But if we DO suffer significant pain, and we DO decide we have to make changes, then the first thing we have to realize is that in order to make those changes, we have to let go of something that is very important to us.

I'll give you a minor example in my life. I am very good at being in the moment. If I'm with someone, regardless of the reason, I have an intense focus that tends to make them feel like the only person in the world. It helps me be good at what I do. I'm a terrific listener.

But I'm also terrible about time awareness. The two qualities are part and parcel. If I want to be better about time awareness, I have to give up at least part of my quality of being totally in the moment. You can't truly have one AND have the other.

Is that self sabotage? Sure, at least in part.

There's a story of a man backpacking in the wilds of Alaska. He comes across a lake barring his path. The other shore is not too far away, but the lake stretches out as far as the eye can see to either side. He knows it's going to take days to try to go around.

So he builds a makeshift canoe. After finishing, he quickly canoes to the other side, and continues on his journey. But he keeps making glances back. He worked really hard on that canoe. It served him well in getting across the lake. He hates to just leave it there. So he grabs a rope, ties is up, and starts dragging it with him.

That's the way we all are. We have a quality, a person, a characteristic, that helped us get across a specific obstacle we've faced in our life, but then we want to drag it with us through the rest of our journey, when all it's going to be at that point is a lodestone. That to me is self sabotage, but I think we all do it to at least some degree.

pyramider · 02-26-2013, 12:11 PM

Taint cannot be sabotaged. Taint overcomes our faults.

Still Looking · 02-26-2013, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misspriss

Women are notorious for doing this in relationships. I've known beautiful gals that couldn't get a boyfriend because they repeatedly gave it up on the first date, one got too drunk every time, another talked too much and I guess I'd be the needy one.

I don't know if it's needy but I like to know right away what his intentions are. I've been single for 4 years because I'd rather be alone than serial date. Once I meet a guy I like, I like to know if we are on the same path, if not - don't call me back. I have no desire for casual sex.

If we get in to a relationship, I can't say no. I'll go to no end to please him. That usually ends with me feeling resentment towards him for not being more considerate. My fault ... I set the path for him to have his way all the time.

I hear all the time WHY ARE YOU SINGLE ... take me on 4 dates and you'll know.

I used to analyze this and feel the need to change but I honestly think being yourself (whether needy, a drunk, a pushover, etc) is the best bet. May take a while but you'll find someone who accepts you as you are. Maybe I'm just foolishly optimistic.

Before I say yes.... how about a face pic?

Guest071313-5 · 02-26-2013, 02:32 PM

I know Anthony Robbins if yall need a discount to one of his events.

proudoftexas · 02-26-2013, 02:34 PM

http://youtu.be/UxAEST9Bg3I

Guest121613 · 02-26-2013, 04:20 PM

I can not tell u how many times I have had self inflicted anal sex. Part of live, I have found that I can learn once in while, and I use a rubber now.

bojulay · 02-26-2013, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostforkate

I can not tell u how many times I have had self inflicted anal sex. Part of live, I have found that I can learn once in while, and I use a rubber now.

??????---Never mind, I don't really want to understand.

bojulay · 02-26-2013, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beezdat

I know Anthony Robbins if yall need a discount to one of his events.

Tony Robbins makes me ill in a special way.

Still Looking · 02-26-2013, 07:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bojulay

Tony Robbins makes me ill in a special way.

Tony & Anthony.... are they brothers?

Guest071313-5 · 02-26-2013, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bojulay

Tony Robbins makes me ill in a special way.

Lol

Fast Gunn · 02-26-2013, 07:54 PM

@ the OP: What you say is true, but what you are talking about requires more self awareness than most people have.

When I look out at the general public, I see mostly zombies going through the motions of daily life. Like an endless grind instead of some adventure.

. . . Those that are generally self aware may still have a blind spot that makes it easy for them to rationalize whatever that flaw might be and will be dismissed as "no big deal". No need to bother with such a trivial matter anyway, isn't it?