Since we started this forum a week or so ago and read the posts others are making that have not experienced this realm, I thought it would benefit those with interest to post some basics, sort of 101 mini courses that I hope will answer questions and dispel some myths that go along with this lifestyle.
This will be the first in a series of posts that I am planning to outline and educate on the fantastic world for BDSM. Understanding that this world is not for everyone, but I hope the more knowledge you have that it may open others to experience the pleasures that these practices can bring.
At times TV and movies will portray this lifestyle as taboo and usually out of control. They do not do enough research to understand the reasons behind the decision that loving couples make to practice this life. The following is some basic information and some reasoning as to why this isn't such a terribly controlling fetish, just another way of living.
Here are some definitions to follow as to what BDSM stands for:
1. B & D - Bondage and Discipline
2. D & S - Domination and Submission
3. S & M - Sadism and Masochism
One main thing to keep in mind is that BDSM does not always mean a sexual relationship, however it should and must always mean a trusting relationship. Due to BDSM being an intense and often overwhelming experience, having any interactions with someone you do not trust will just create fear and animosity.
Many people that enjoy the pleasure of Dominance and Submission are deeply bonded friends that share nothing but this experience, sex may or may not be involved. However a larger majority are couples that live in what they call the vanilla world, and just delve into Sadism and Masochism in their private lives.
A popular acronym of people living the BDSM lifestyle is SSC- Safe, Sane, and Consensual. A person who is a true Dominant or Submissive live those rules and do not push far enough for someone to get hurt more than they truly want to anyway. Most D/s couples have safe words for the submissive when they have been pushed farther than they can handle. It is often the goal of the Dominant and the desire of the Submissive to be pushed to certain limits in order to achieve greater enlightenment.
Some might ask what is really involved in this lifestyle, whips, chains and all those things? These can be used along with paddles and collars. This isn't the true essence of what this life means. Whoever the Dominant is whether is be female or male, once they take on the role of Dominant they are agreeing to protect and care for their submissive in a way that boyfriends & girlfriends, even husbands & wives, rarely experience.
The Dominant may control and punish their slave or submissive, but they also pleasure and deeply care for them as well. Also keep in mind the submissive is often going to them and seeking them out for exactly what they give. Submissives desire the control and sometimes, but not always, the pain involved, it is their desire and need. Most believe the Dominant is in control but really it is the other way around. The submissive gives there self to the Dominant and in that giving they are in control. Also due to the safe word they have the ability to stop whatever is being done right then and there. Essentially the Dominant is at the submissive's call in a way.
True enjoyment of BDSM is mainly mental. The physiology of why people enjoy this lifestyle is often referred to as sensation play. Meaning that while in a session their might be pain inflicted without true injury. This creates a mass of endorphins which then instills a type of glow or the feeling like one has after climax. This glow can be escalated to extreme measures creating what submissives call "sub space". The space is when the submissive is so involved with sensation that pain no longer registers, everything is just sensation in pleasure and they want more.
In the brain the receptors that register and tell you to feel pain and pleasure overlap naturally, some more than others. Allowing people to gain please from pain and vice versa. This is the scientific reason for why people enjoy it, but if you ask a submissive or a Dominant why they live their lifestyle, you will here words like passion, need, deserve, and do not want science.
Although this lifestyle is definitely not for everyone it is also not as taboo, and scary as people think. It is definitely not a cesspool for degenerates, more the opposite. The people that love this life are intense and trustworthy and terribly respectful, because they have been taught to be so.
Be safe, have fun and push the envelope.
Respectively yours,
Koa
BDSM 101: The Basics of Bondage
