Managing money while married as a hobbiest

[suspiciouscouch]

Heyo, just looking for some thoughts on how all of you that are married and hobby manage to keep your hobby related spending secret from your spouse.

Personally, I mostly sugar date, but I don't think that changes the problem. I've been doing this for about 7-8 years and never had my finances questioned, but lately my wife wants to understand our money better. I don't think she's suspicious, just trying to get a better understanding.

What I do currently:
1) I have a separate account at a different bank. Every physical check I get my hands on goes into that account. I use that account mostly to book hotels and whatnot since it's hard to accumulate much cash in it from checks.
2) Any time I go to the store, I max out the cash back option, so I don't show any major cash withdrawals. I do pull small amounts out from the ATM from time to time though to supplement.

Any other ways to discretely hide hobby money? Do you lie about your income or bonuses or anything similar?

[Sienna91]

One thing I think that helps is to plan your date. For instance, if you go to the ATM right now because you trying to get a last-minute date today you're going to have to some way figure out how to get a large lump sum of money at once. If you plan the date you're able to slowly get small pieces of money until the day of.

[JRLawrence]

Originally Posted by suspiciouscouch

Heyo, just looking for some thoughts on how all of you that are married and hobby manage to keep your hobby related spending secret from your spouse.

Personally, I mostly sugar date, but I don't think that changes the problem. I've been doing this for about 7-8 years and never had my finances questioned, but lately my wife wants to understand our money better. I don't think she's suspicious, just trying to get a better understanding.

What I do currently:
1) I have a separate account at a different bank. Every physical check I get my hands on goes into that account. I use that account mostly to book hotels and whatnot since it's hard to accumulate much cash in it from checks.
2) Any time I go to the store, I max out the cash back option, so I don't show any major cash withdrawals. I do pull small amounts out from the ATM from time to time though to supplement.

Any other ways to discretely hide hobby money? Do you lie about your income or bonuses or anything similar?

Sounds like the marriage is a failure.

If you have direct deposit, your employer will likely have an option to make a deposit into a separate savings account. Most likely you could set that up without granting her access, but that depends upon the state you live in. You could also have the savings go to an investment account, or an account in another state. If she finds out about an account, her lawyer will claim she is entitled to all or most of it. With the extremely low interest rate today; hiding cash, gold, or buying guns are all ways to turn cash into goods that can be sold later with little loss of value.

You need to get a remote storage locker, a storage garage, or buy a small building that you can store you man things in it - avoid things that can be traced, like cars.

Slowly start moving your stuff to a remote storage for the day when she does fine out.

If you are not fucking her, and she finds out: she will be fucking you. The woman usually gets the house; sell it and put the money away while you rent an apartment.

Plan what you are doing:

[ICU 812]

I hobby infrequently. I squirrel away cash a $20 bill at a time. Five Jacksons become a Franklin which fold away nicely. Over time this becomes a donation and I hobby. Don't really have to do any creative accounting . . .its all money that has been accounted for already.

Cash is king. No deposit, no PayPal, debit card etc. . . .no trail.

[Fizley]

Jr Lawrence is on the right path. If you set up an account you could automatically have a $100 (or other desired amount) deposited every pay check.

From my company I am given a monthly car allowance which allows immediately goes into my "car fund".

[mad469s]

Originally Posted by JRLawrence

If you have direct deposit, your employer will likely have an option to make a deposit into a separate savings account.

But, the OP stated that “his wife wants to understand their money”. With a direct deposit, the pay stub will show all accounts that the monies have been deposited into. There’s no possible way of hiding a direct deposit into an account where the paystub will reveal that. When I was married I had a side business and she knew nothing about the money I made because it was all cash payments. That’s how I hid my extracurricular activity money.

[cowboyup1960]

Tell her if she wants to understand the finances better, then contribute to the cause. She will move on. At least that’s what mine did. Not about to get her lazy, non-fucking ass off the couch and help.

[Jadec5717]

I second this!

Originally Posted by Sienna91

One thing I think that helps is to plan your date. For instance, if you go to the ATM right now because you trying to get a last-minute date today you're going to have to some way figure out how to get a large lump sum of money at once. If you plan the date you're able to slowly get small pieces of money until the day of.

[ICU 812]

Cash is KING

[Financeman22]

I tell mine I’m going to the gym to get a massage and he only takes CASH!!

[friendly fred]

I don't see how you can hide the existence of a bank account from even a halfway decent divorce attorney.

I tell my wife, who pays no attention to money anyway, that I like to have cash. Keeps the government from knowing all of our business, which is true, by the way.

Then, whenever we do anything, I spend cash in her presence. So, when I make cash withdrawals, I have a reason. Also, when any unusual check comes in, I also convert that to cash.

When I go play poker, win or lose, I complain about terrible luck and huge cash losses. Whenever we go on vacation, I withdraw large amounts of money for that. Also, I offer to give her cash all the time, more than she needs.

P.S. Don't marry an accountant - any sharp accountant could either see through the bullshit or would question thousands of dollars per month of cash expenditures.

BTW - the best plan is to be so good at what you do you make plenty of money, give her plenty, and build up a big nest egg to split if she catches you and wants out. Not only will you have a starting fund that will keep you going, you can also bring it in and build it up even more.

[starway]

Originally Posted by ICU 812

I hobby infrequently. I squirrel away cash a $20 bill at a time. Five Jacksons become a Franklin which fold away nicely. Over time this becomes a donation and I hobby. Don't really have to do any creative accounting . . .its all money that has been accounted for already.

Cash is king. No deposit, no PayPal, debit card etc. . . .no trail.

This is exactly what I do. Subtle and absorbable over time.

[Sienna91]

honestly the best policy is treat your wife right so she won't be suspicious or you think you're doing anything else
this is speaking from a woman's perspective

And even if she does find out women will not be as vindictive if you treated them well while you were cheating versus you treated them like s*** and treat another woman like a queen

That's really where the hurt comes in you romancing another woman but having none for your woman

so just make sure you can continue giving your wife a good standard of living

[1blackman1]

Originally Posted by suspiciouscouch

Heyo, just looking for some thoughts on how all of you that are married and hobby manage to keep your hobby related spending secret from your spouse.

Personally, I mostly sugar date, but I don't think that changes the problem. I've been doing this for about 7-8 years and never had my finances questioned, but lately my wife wants to understand our money better. I don't think she's suspicious, just trying to get a better understanding.

What I do currently:
1) I have a separate account at a different bank. Every physical check I get my hands on goes into that account. I use that account mostly to book hotels and whatnot since it's hard to accumulate much cash in it from checks.
2) Any time I go to the store, I max out the cash back option, so I don't show any major cash withdrawals. I do pull small amounts out from the ATM from time to time though to supplement.

Any other ways to discretely hide hobby money? Do you lie about your income or bonuses or anything similar?

You need to switch things up so that this is not an issue. What I have done since I have been married is keep 4 accounts essentially,

Her account, that is her play money, purses, shoes, other bullshit my wife likes to buy and that I really dont want to know what they cost is in that account. She gets a deposit from her job and mine everyone month into that account. She wants a $5K purse, cool, all she has to do is manage her money a few months and she can go get it, a pair of $1000 heels, all up to her how she spends that money. I dont look at the account and I dont care how she spends the money in it.

Bills account gets the amount of money needed to pay the bills.

Savings/Vacation account is money we have decided to put away for saving and additional money placed in there for trips and other shit the agree on.

My account. Same as hers, I spend it how I like and we don't discuss what I spend money. If she ever looks at the account, such as I am dead and she needs to access it, or a divorce, they may only see cash disbursements at the casino, or the gas station or some other shit.

you also need a credit card that is just in your name. Call it your play card. Use it for everything, and use the money from your play account to pay that card. if you need to reserve a room or anything, use that card and then pay it off with cash when you leave the room.

[Sameraux]

Hire someone to come in and clean the house and pay them cash. When you pull out cash it's for the cleaning lady. The wife's happy to have someone else do the work and you have a clear explanation of why there's cash being pulled out on a regular basis.

That or let her know you're a terrible poker player. :-)