Judging and What you don't know can't hurt you.....

[Eccie Addict]

http://eccie.net/showthread.php?t=201095

This thread got me to questioning myself and the way I view things. So I want to pose some questions and get some opinions on this subject…….

Judging....

A lot of people throw around the phrase “don’t judge me” or “we shouldn’t judge others”. That is a very interesting statement. Isn’t that what we all do here on this site? We write reviews so others can make a judgment as to whether or not they want to spend time with that person. Don’t we read reviews or posts so we can make a judgment call on whether or not we want to spend time with them? Providers, don’t you read posts and call references to find out some information on potential clients so you can make a judgment call as to whether that client is someone you want to invest your time in? Have you ever met someone and after meeting them you decided “they are cool but I would never sleep with them” ?

If we don’t find someone attractive whether it be physically or mentally and we decide not to be around that person isn’t that the same as placing judgment against that person? What is the difference in that and deciding not to spend time with someone based on their sexual preferences? Am I wrong for choosing not to spend time, associate myself with someone for any particular reason? Is that considered judging, racism, condemnation ect…..

What they don't know won't hurt them....


Is omitting information about yourself or creating a false perception of yourself as in a particular online persona that would cause someone to choose not to see you and then using other means to see someone so that they don’t know who you really are, knowing that if they knew they would say no, in a sense raping someone. Bear with me here for a moment. I realize that it isn’t rape in the sense that you throw someone on the ground and force them to have sex with you. However you just manipulated them in a way that if they knew the truth they would have said no. I also realize that this scenario is played out every day by people so the hobby isn’t unique. Just asking a question….


Where do you draw your lines?


I asked this question in a previous thread and had a couple of good responses…….

http://eccie.net/showpost.php?p=1182194&postcou nt=182


http://eccie.net/showpost.php?p=1182290&postcount=183


Is it wrong to have lines or a better word for it is boundaries? If I had no boundaries would that cause some concern? How many really believe the phrase “what they don’t know won’t hurt them”? A lot of people get up in arms if they didn’t know someone’s pictures don’t quite match up when they meet someone. Some providers get up in arms if they find out people knew things about a client and didn’t pass that information along when called for a reference. I guess what they didn’t know actually did hurt them……





I do realize that in this “thing” we have to accept that we will never truly know everything about someone no matter how hard we try…..

[Naomi4u]

Originally Posted by Eccie Addict

Is omitting information about yourself or creating a false perception of yourself as in a particular online persona that would cause someone to choose not to see you and then using other means to see someone so that they don’t know who you really are, knowing that if they knew they would say no, in a sense raping someone. Bear with me here for a moment. I realize that it isn’t rape in the sense that you throw someone on the ground and force them to have sex with you. However you just manipulated them in a way that if they knew the truth they would have said no. I also realize that this scenario is played out every day by people so the hobby isn’t unique. Just asking a question….

Yes!

[Out_of_Bounds]

Shit! Now that you pointed out my post to me let me clarify. Yes I have boundaries. One is the aforementioned in the post you pulled. Second so it won't be misconstrued I do practice safety. Now let me ask this. Should I consider continuing reviewing women knowing that others may want to see such as Don.T.Lucbak? What about others that don't have a problem? I'm potentially denying them information they may find useful. Or a Provider may not want to see a guy because he saw the same woman I did and so on and so on. The logic doesn't add up and can get astronomically frustrating when one has those hangups. I suppose the best bet for those is "ignorance is bliss". All I can do is worry about myself. If I'm being responsible it shouldn't matter who I see to anyone else. As for judgement yes we do to a degree pass judgement on the reviewer, the companion he saw and what we say here. Its human nature.

[TheJudge69]

EA,

Your question is "Where do you draw your lines?"

I believe the answer is that when we provide a review, we are expressing our evaluation/review/opinion on our experience with a provider during an encounter. I don't see anything wrong with that. Afterall, people provide reviews of movies, restaturants, etc. Some reviewers even get paid to perform reviews. (Hint: Providers, I have reasonable rates)

However, when I come across people that say “don’t judge me” or “we shouldn’t judge others”, the context generally refers to people making broad generalizations about a person's life choices, situations, decisions, etc. In this context, I believe a line has been crossed.


Lastly, regardless of anyone's opinion, everyone should be treated with respect and courtesy. If you deceive others, you are being disrespectful and you will lose respect from others and lose people's trust. Basically, it comes down to treating others the way you want to be treated.

Agreed?

[Naomi4u]

Originally Posted by TheJudge69

Lastly, regardless of anyone's opinion, everyone should be treated with respect and courtesy. If you deceive others, you are being disrespectful and you will lose respect from others and lose people's trust. Basically, it comes down to treating others the way you want to be treated.

Agreed?

Very well said. I agree.

[oilfieldscum]

Judging....

The definiton of judge is to form an opinion. Opinions are likes assholes everybody has one.

What they don't know won't hurt them....

Sex can be about manipulations. In the hobby world sex almost always involves at least some manipulation.

For example: Would you want a provider to tell you honestly what she thought about you or how you really make her feel? Maybe it is better to hear your handsome, make her wet, have the biggest johson she has ever seen, and that your the best lover she's been with.

Where do you draw your lines?

Seems like the position of my lines change as I go through life. I try not to look down at other people that do things that I don't participate in. Who knows if it is so bad if you have never tried it right?

[Eccie Addict]

[quote=oilfieldscum;1184021]

Judging....

The definiton of judge is to form an opinion. Opinions are likes assholes everybody has one.

Agreed! All the more reason to just be up front and not worry about what others think and whether or not someone will see you because of it....

What they don't know won't hurt them....

Sex can be about manipulations. In the hobby world sex almost always involves at least some manipulation.

I agree with this as well. Main difference in the hobby is that we pay them to do so.

For example: Would you want a provider to tell you honestly what she thought about you or how you really make her feel? Maybe it is better to hear your handsome, make her wet, have the biggest johson she has ever seen, and that your the best lover she's been with.

Again, we pay them to do so. If we want them to be honest and we let them know that up front then they are only doing what we ask. Are you saying that there is no harm in us lying to a provider cause hey they lie to us?

Where do you draw your lines?

Seems like the position of my lines change as I go through life. I try not to look down at other people that do things that I don't participate in. Who knows if it is so bad if you have never tried it right?

True and speaking for myself, I don't look down at someone because of what they choose to do. I don't see myself as superior. I don't find it disgusting. I just don't find it attractive therefore I have no intrest in participating in it. The same reason I have no desire to try any form of alcohol or "other" things. What's wrong with that?

[blowpop]

Good topic. I think that deception on a small level is part of being human. Women wear push-up bras. Guys put rogaine on their hair. And there are a thousand more examples.

In the hobby, we hide our identities. But there's a legitimate reason for that. Safety. Few of us want our real life and our hobby lives to ever cross, and protecting one's identity is the best way to make sure that doesn't happen. And it's honest; Using myself as an example, I doubt that many of you here think my real name is Blowpop. I'm not trying to pretend I'm someone I'm not.

However, I agree that it can be taken too far, and that's often done here. Examples:

Providers post inaccurate photos of themselves, sometimes a decade old.

Hobbyists purport themselves like idiots here, then book with a provider they've interacted with and conveniently omit their board handle.

I think neither is OK. Both are an attempt to get someone to see you who wouldn't see you if they knew the truth. That's deceptive, and dishonest. Perhaps it's a pipe dream, but I'd love to see a hobby where we are honest with each other, but still protect our privacy and security.

As far as "judging" goes, I think the whole "Don't judge me" is naive. People judge each other. Some just choose to keep quiet about it. Perhaps that's what's really being asked, "Don't tell me about your judgement of me."

[Eccie Addict]

[quote=Out_of_Bounds;1183783]Shit! Now that you pointed out my post to me let me clarify.

I hope you believe me when I say I didn't point your post out to imply that you had no boundaries as in you practice unsfe sex. I pointed it out cause it was 1 of 2 answers to my original question in your thread...

Yes I have boundaries. One is the aforementioned in the post you pulled. Second so it won't be misconstrued I do practice safety. Now let me ask this. Should I consider continuing reviewing women knowing that others may want to see such as Don.T.Lucbak? What about others that don't have a problem? I'm potentially denying them information they may find useful. Or a Provider may not want to see a guy because he saw the same woman I did and so on and so on.

I personally have respect for the fact that you are willing to be honest about what you like regardless of what others think. I think you should continue to do so. Whatever opinions others form based on what you post is their problem not yours.

The logic doesn't add up and can get astronomically frustrating when one has those hangups. I suppose the best bet for those is "ignorance is bliss". All I can do is worry about myself. If I'm being responsible it shouldn't matter who I see to anyone else.

I agree with you to a point. The problem lies in telling people "Why do you care who I see, you should be willing to see me regardless." which is exactly what you are saying. Who cares why they won't see you. Whether it be because of your looks, posts, sexual preferences ect. They have a right to their reasons just as much as you do.

Now I know you have already stated that you don't care if someone will see you or not so I wasn't directing my response to you directly.

As for judgement yes we do to a degree pass judgement on the reviewer, the companion he saw and what we say here. Its human nature.

[Out_of_Bounds]

I didn't think you were implying I'm unsafe so no offense taken. I just didn't want anyone else to read into something that wasn't there is all. Just CYMA.

[Out_of_Bounds]

I didn't think you were implying I'm unsafe so no offense taken. I just didn't want anyone else to read into something that wasn't there is all. Just CMA.

[Naomi4u]

EA: You made some very interesting points.

[lizardking]

Originally Posted by oilfieldscum

The definiton of judge is to form an opinion. Opinions are likes assholes everybody has one.

You need to complete that thought. The saying is, "Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one and they all stink."

(Except, of course, for one belonging to a real pretty girl who's cleaned it up real good.)

[john353]

Originally Posted by lizardking

(Except, of course, for one belonging to a real pretty girl who's cleaned it up real good.)

Then of course, we KNOW what to do with that one.

[lizardking]

Originally Posted by john353

Then of course, we KNOW what to do with that one.

I had you in mind as I wrote that caveat.