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Spikebaby · 09-13-2011, 02:44 PM

It has been a while since I had a chance to sit down and post one of my “infamous” Spikebaby Top Ten List…….my monkey has been a busy one.
Thought today might be a good day to take a second, or two, to throw my two cents in on some things that might make your hobby experience not just a good one but….wait for it…..a GREAT one!

As always I like to throw a disclaimer out that firstly, if you don’t have a sense of humor look away, you probably won’t get this thread. Secondly if you don’t have a sense of humor and this thread offends you ……it is probably referring to you. And I do not speak for anyone but myself.

So sit back, grab a beverage of your choice and enjoy the mayhem of my rambling thoughts…….you might just get something out of it….and please remember to tip your waitress.

Spikebabys Top Ten List of Do’s and Don’ts in this hobby world that will have an impact on your YMMV.

10. DON’T pop up at a lady’s place unannounced…..EVER! It is a sure way to get you on the DNS list under “stalker”, “psycho” or “idiot who did not have any respect for my space” (just kind of rolls off your tongue doesn’t it?) Imagine if one of the ladies did that in your world….AND being single doesn’t change this. Show up and my place unannounced is a sure way to find a very angry monkey!

9. DON’T show up early to a lady’s place and call and say “hey I’m 40 minutes early, you ready?” Sure….5 minutes or so is a bit different but really…..if you’re that early sit in your car and do something productive. Suggestions: Consider ways to reduce the National Debt, How can I make Obama Care really work or is Lady GaGa really a man or a woman…you know important stuff like that. You never know you could have a bout of inspiration and be the next Pulitzer Prize recipient.

8. DO take a shower if a lady offers it. I don’t care if you just spent an hour soaking in the tub and scrubbing yourself down with Lye soap and AJAX…..in the words of Nike…JUST DO IT! With our lovely and record-breaking weather……a shower can’t ever hurt. This will certainly make YMMV go a lot further. The response “oh I showered this morning, I am fine” when it is 4 p.m. in the afternoon has already put you in the ICK category…..I know you have had lunch….and….well….I think this is self explanatory

7. DON’T gossip about others in this wonderful hobby world. IF you are talking about so and so…..and what happen here and there then I am pretty sure you don’t have much of a filter. AND why in the hell are you talking anyway….my monkey needs attention!

6. DON’T be a complete pervert when you come to play with me. YES, I am well aware that the word “pervert” is a subjective one in itself, but if you think animals, small children, sticking a food item up my ass or Catholic school boys are “adorable”….you are probably crossing a line.

5. DO be respectful. This statement in itself can go so many directions but I am speaking in general terms here. If you are sitting at my incall and speaking ugly about other women in your life chances are you have little respect for women overall. Now, don’t get your panties in a wad people….but yes, believe it or not Misogynist do exist in our bubble of hobby blissness.
While there are many, many wonderful gentleman who DO NOT fit in this category, unfortunately there are many who do. And for the record I do shave my armpits and do not wear flannel shirts on my off days but I’m not going to lie….Aretha Franklin is on my top ten playlist on my IPOD.

4. DO have a sense of humor. Playing in the hobby world is always so much more fun when you can sit back, enjoy, giggle, fondle, lick, touch, be playful etc. with a partner that can do the same. If you can make me laugh….you are soooooooo in! Sometimes we take this hobby world just a little too serious. This is supposed to be fun!!! Now…where did I put my clown shoes and squeaky horn?

3. DO be mindful of time you are spending with someone. If you are booking an hour of time with someone….keep an eye on your time. Sure, sometimes a lady may invite you to stay a little longer…but let it be on her cue. Pay attention to subtle hints. For example: She is fully dressed and your still sitting on the bed with the remote TIVOing your favorite show or She is out starting her car….it’s time to go. It isn’t hard guys. Trust me we take notes about this.

2. DON’T ever approach a lady in public unless you have each EXPLICITLY talked about this. This is the ultimate NO NO in hobby world in my book. We all have lives outside of this hobby world and Discretion is of the utmost importance. Things that are included in crossing the line in public situations: Waving, winking, approaching, screaming out my name, introducing yourself to whoever we are with and/or doing fellatio to a cucumber in the produce section of the grocery store. Hey, I don’t make this stuff up people.

And the number one thing on Spikebabys Top Ten List of things to Do and Don’t Do in this hobby is………

1. DO have an open mind. Remember this hobby world is a subjective one. Yes, if a lady advertises particular things then those should be expected. But if you read a review about a lady about how the sky’s opened up and The Dali Lama himself gave you his blessing…it doesn’t necessarily mean the same will be happening for you. There are many many factors that come into play. In the past I have had one or two gentlemen who physically handed me a list of things that were “expected” during our visit. That automatically set the mood for a “bad” experience. He was so worried I wasn’t going to bounce up and down on one leg while singing a show tune from Funny Girl he didn’t even noticed the feathers I pulled out of my monkeys butt! My point is this: Don’t expect so much that you miss out on something that you might not have expected and might surprise you.

Happy Hobbying My Friends!

Spikebaby
The Original Jenna of Dallas

PS. Your welcome for putting the Aretha song in your head for the rest of the day ☺

phildo · 09-13-2011, 03:56 PM

Sounds like a full on a**hole showed up early for an after-nooner with leftover Olive Garden Lunch Special breath, a serious case of heavy carbo-fart swamp ass and some lovely cilantro overkill pits at the monkey crib recently.

I may be wrong, but there's always an "event" lurking behind a post like this...

Guest091314 · 09-13-2011, 04:38 PM

this is soooo funny...i was thinking about making a thread that is somewhat similar but then I saw this one.

Great minds think alike!

Guest021812-3 · 09-13-2011, 05:02 PM

You know, I apologized about the whole cucumber thing. Like I explained, I was only tasting it to make sure it was firm enough to get up your ass.

Spikebaby · 09-13-2011, 05:06 PM

No particular event spurred me to write this post.....I have had nothing but FUN lately. I just had a little down time and was feeling saucy.....well except for the cucumber issue. I think that one gave himself up freely

lisa.lisa0302 · 09-13-2011, 06:08 PM

Nice post. :-)

Alyssa Nicole · 09-13-2011, 06:21 PM

EXCELLENT POST!!!

exoticbabygirl · 09-13-2011, 06:24 PM

Cute real cute

Fast Eddie · 09-13-2011, 08:57 PM

Did he able to get the cucumber off? Sorry I just couldn't resist.

berkleigh · 09-13-2011, 09:00 PM

Right On!

Lets hope they read this

The Proper Stranger · 09-13-2011, 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spikebaby

6. DON’T be a complete pervert when you come to play with me. YES, I am well aware that the word “pervert” is a subjective one in itself, but if you think animals, small children, sticking a food item up my ass or Catholic school boys are “adorable”….you are probably crossing a line.

What about stuffing Catholic animals full of small food items?

Spikebaby · 09-14-2011, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Proper Stranger

What about stuffing Catholic animals full of small food items?

It's only perverted if you forget to say 10 Hail Mary's and go to Confession the following Sunday

Spikebaby
The Original Jenna of Dallas

Guest100513-2 · 09-14-2011, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spikebaby

sticking a food item up my ass

so that is off the menu now?

DFWRaven · 09-14-2011, 01:01 PM

I didn't know Your Monkey was Catholic.....

LuckJack · 09-14-2011, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spikebaby

It's only perverted if you forget to say 10 Hail Mary's and go to Confession the following Sunday

Spikebaby
The Original Jenna of Dallas

Damn, I guess you won't be taking your vows at the Convent of the Twisted Sisters, The Little Sister of S&M and Sister Ann of the Glorious Ass will never get to know your monkey, sad.