It's All About the Provider ????

[LynetteMarie]

In reading a few of the websites by both male and female companions, a commonality stood out and struck me (in just a few, BUT.....)

I may make some enemies/cause ill feelings by mentioning this, but I am staying true to my heart and being real here. I don't "do" fake.

When someone says s/he lives a life based on pleasing him/herself, does that raise red flags for you or is that perfectly acceptable?

As a potential client, does a comment like this make you more or less likely to schedule an engagement with the companion?

As a fellow companion who may not share the "it's all about me" mentality, what emotions does this sort of comment trigger in you, if any?

Curiously,
Lynette

[Guest053011]

A little clarification.

Is the companion writing that the date is "all about me" or that they live life seeking to please themselves? I think the two are not the same.

I don't feel dates are "all about me" but I don't want a date where it's "all about him". It's about "us". If my enjoyment doesn't matter... I'd rather get another job - which I know isn't what you're aiming at.

However, I do live my life to please myself. I won't have a job I can't stand. I won't accept traditional relationships in my personal dating life just because it's "normal", I won't do some song and dance to please a bunch of people in the one life I have to live. People have to be true to themselves.

However, when looking to book a lady or gent, when I see that they are obviously self absorbed, I can't imagine I'm going to have a good time with them. There's a fine balance between the two sides of selfish and selfless, and I look for something in the middle, which I call "sanity".

[terbul]

Originally Posted by LynetteMarie

When someone says s/he lives a life based on pleasing him/herself, does that raise red flags for you or is that perfectly acceptable?

I’m not sure what you mean by this, but ...

My experience is that when a companion mentions a hedonistic lifestyle (whatever specific term they use) I am more rather than less attracted.

When it is true (always tough to tell from a website) I think there is more harmony between the companion as a person and the companion as a persona. Not absolutely necessary, but I’ve found it typically is a more enjoyable experience.

[NinaMorgan]

I make no excuses to live my life to please myself but that doesn't mean I cannot fullfill the gentleman's desires and needs that I am spending time with... I live to please myself because that's the only way I can be happy and therefore please others.

[LynetteMarie]

HEDONISM:

1. Pursuit of or devotion to pleasure, especially to the pleasures of the senses.

2. Philosophy The ethical doctrine holding that only what is pleasant or has pleasant consequences is intrinsically good.

3. Psychology The doctrine holding that behavior is motivated by the desire for pleasure and the avoidance of pain.

SELFISHNESS:

Exclusive regard to one's own interest or happiness; that supreme self-love or self-preference which leads a person to direct his purposes to the advancement of his own interest, power, or happiness, without regarding those of others.

----------------
Just a comparison....

[guest051510-1]

Just like some clients are looking for a Dom and others a Sub, I think the same holds true for "who's it all about." Some men feel like because they are paying it should be all about pleasing them. But, other men (especially those into Goddess worship) would rather it be all about pleasing the provider.

I actually agree with Lauren in that I want to please us (both, mutually), but if I had to lean I would rather it be all about pleasing me then my client. But, I gravitate to those that get off, getting me off.

Of course it works both ways and if I don't get him off, I'm very disappointed. And the best way to make me cum through intercourse is to hear my partner climax at the same moment.

[Guest053011]

Originally Posted by Nicolette Bordeauxva

I actually agree with Lauren in that I want to please us (both, mutually), but if I had to lean I would rather it be all about pleasing me then my client. But, I gravitate to those that get off, getting me off.

Of course it works both ways and if I don't get him off, I'm very disappointed. And the best way to make me cum through intercourse is to hear my partner climax at the same moment.

As usual, well said.

There are times when a man literally just wants to worship you. I can't say that I find that disappointing! If he gets off on me getting off, it's going to be a lot of time in bed and I'm going to leave walking on air.

There are indeed men who are subs, and will get off on a haughty persona who demands that they be the center of the universe. There's someone for everyone.

[guest012511]

If a person has a website, wouldn't the context of the website be based on the description of ones likes, dislike---personality (or persona)? Would that be considered selfish or pursuit of a hedonistic lifestyle ?

There is a certain level of self awareness that IS required; this allows "you" to be present.

Mutual satisfaction should be the ultimate goal. It rarely disappoints.

[LynetteMarie]

Hmmmm, seems my point is being missed here.

I'm not referncing the pleasure behind closed doors.

I'm referencing WHY a companion chooses to do this...his/her TRUE intentions.

I, too, am pleased if I please my partner. That's not what I'm referring to.

I'm questioning what is one, as a provider, really all about? WHO is the provider living for? What is inspiring the provider to provide? Is it really ALL about him/herself as the "hedonistic values" portray in websites?

[guest051510-1]

Can you make up an example?

[Guest053011]

Originally Posted by LynetteMarie

Hmmmm, seems my point is being missed here.

I'm not referncing the pleasure behind closed doors.

I'm referencing WHY a companion chooses to do this...his/her TRUE intentions.

I, too, am pleased if I please my partner. That's not what I'm referring to.

I'm questioning what is one, as a provider, really all about? WHO is the provider living for? What is inspiring the provider to provide? Is it really ALL about him/herself as the "hedonistic values" portray in websites?

Well I can answer this only with my own reasons:

I'm a philander and I'm addicted to sensation. This is much less complicated then having 5 lovers who take up all my time, and then still have to go to work. I don't know when I'd find time to sleep or eat. And the men aren't jealous of each other, and don't' try to intentionally mess up an evening with someone else or become demanding in ways that are unfair and abusive.

I'm also a submissive - and this goes beyond enjoying pain and control. I have a driving need to do things for people. It somehow calms a deep inner part of my psyche. I like to serve a good master. People see me with my SO's and they always say "Lucky man, to have a woman that would go so far out of her way", but the truth is, I'm doing things for him because it pleases me. This intense submissive side is suffocating to someone who is a full time partner, and glorious for someone who is only spending a week with me. This dilutes my energy so no one feels overwhelmed.

I'm here because I like having multiple lovers, need to please others and adore casual sex. I'm living for me, and I'm providing for me.

I think providing for me, makes me a better provider because I absolutely ADORE being here. I can't see how anyone would be disappointed by a provider that's thrilled to be there.

[LynetteMarie]

Originally Posted by Nicolette Bordeauxva

Can you make up an example?

My personal example is living for my higher power first.

All of my decisions in life are based on the fact that this life is NOT all about me. It is about my higher power first, and my personal higher power is Christ Jesus.

We don't need to get into the Bible here or the "you're a hypocrite, Lynette" discussion as it goes much too deep and theological for a simple thread to address here. I do welcome your private messages and insults, however!

I am sincerely curious how a person can live live for his or herself FIRST. I am attempting to keep this question as simple as possible for now...

[guest051510-1]

Well some are doing it to support their family. But, advertising you have a brood of kids isn't always something one want to mention.

I respect your views.
I used to live for JC, but my life
got twisted upside down
and id like to take a minute
just sit right there
ill tell how i crossed over to the dark side.

[Guest053011]

Originally Posted by LynetteMarie

I am sincerely curious how a person can live live for his or herself FIRST. I am attempting to keep this question as simple as possible for now...

Because you only get one chance at life, so you might as well be happy. I don't think living life for yourself means other people don't even blip on your radar. You can do that without hurting people. The truly selfish don't care who they hurt as long as they get what they want. I certainly have no desire to cause harm.

I like to think I'm generous and kind to those who display a good spirit - afterall, if you TRULY live life selfishly, you'll find yourself alone. My friends are my life, but I can have friends who are happy with me exactly as I am. I don't have to give up my lovers, or any of the other things that please me.

My family learned about me being a companion and other odd aspects of my life. When they realized I LIKED it, said "Quit for us, if word gets out it will embarrass the family and could make life difficult." And I simply said: "Absolutely not! I won't live my life for you, because when I'm 70 and you're in the coffin, I'll be the one left with regrets for leading a life I didn't want." Is it selfish? Probably. Do I feel bad? Not even a little.

I believe in something I can't find words to define yet, but I guess with simplifying and a little twisting about you can call it a higher power. However, I feel the question of a higher power is irrelevant to how I lead my life. I don't do good to please a higher power, I need to look no further then the stranger standing beside me. I do good because when I look into the eyes of my fellow man, I cannot deny they have as much right to happiness and dignity as I do.

I put myself first. However, I recognize I have no right to seek to cause harm to others, they have the same right I do to be happy. I also realize that it's fulfilling to be good to people and believe in honour.

[RickO'shayRabbitt]

Never in my life have I wished that I lived in Houston, but Nicolette is changing my mind. I wish I at least visited.

Lynette, I think many people put themselves first much of the time. That doesn't mean they wouldn't drop everything for a family member, but on a day to day basis, they are takers. It takes a certain way of looking at life--and maturity to recognize that the easiest path to happiness--true happiness--is being of service to others. I think I think that it is easier for women to come to that conclusion than men--at least for my generation.

Hope I am on the right page of your question. If not, well, I am still entranced with some of Nicolette's opinions.