Doms.... Subs.... I want to understand something.... Do they mix?.. Can one girl/guy be both?

[Whispers]

I'm not sure I get the whole Dom/Sub thing... It's never really appealed to me much.....

Maybe I've wanted to tie someone up a time or two and I definitely have wished I had a ball gag for a couple of ladies....

I notice some ladies offer different levels of sessions..... And I have a basic understanding of the services....

GFE/PSE/Dom/Sub

I can see where a gal could deliver a GFE session that was also a DOM or vice versa...

I can see where a Lifestyle SUB could also deliver a GFE but I'm not sure about PSE.....

I know they are all roles for some... lifestyles for others....

But when it comes to your clients ladies.....

If your known as a SUB..... and start doing sessions as a DOM..... can you really go back to being a SUB with a client?

Or....

If you are known as a DOM and do a session as a SUB... wouldn't your normal clients that are SUBs loose some kind of respect for you knowing YOU went SUB for some guy?

I see guys talk about "taking a girl to her limits"..... Once you start exploring limits..... and it becomes known you are through reviews..... Don't you risk rougher and pushier clientele?.....


Guys.. Gals.... Feel free to contribute about the whole DOM/SUB culture as I really am curious but I really want to get the answers to those questions along the way....

[Guest061511-2]

There is way too much ground to cover for a simple explanation here. BUT I will try to break things down in a simplified manner. There are people who are Dominant. There are people who play dominant in the bedroom, but not dominant in every day life. Same with submissives. There are people who like to pose as Dominant to make money, but are really submissive. Some of the best Domme's come from the "bottom" or started as submissive.Then there are people who switch. Sometimes the girl will start off submissive in a scene then become the dominant one for example. I, for one, used to be very pleasing and accomodating.... very gfe in vanilla or "regular" sessions. I still am, but when I play in the bdsm world its a complete different story. Britney goes away and my alter ego comes out and totally dominates. Having said that, I like to try to keep this gfe world and that world seperate. It scares or turns off most "vanilla" guys maybe they are intimidated. I don't know. As for your question about the respect of your clients....I suppose if my subs knew I ached for my SO to pull my hair and slap me around during sex after I dominate them all day in sessions they may look at me different, but probably not. A lot of people that play around in the kink world are very open minded. Ahhh, then you have the people that act like they know what they are doing, but don't and practice on people anyway. Those people are dangerous and give the bdsm world a very bad name. I would never be a sub for a client. No way in hell no matter how much money. And I suppose you are right maybe. Not sure? If word got out, for example, that I let someone top me other clients may think they could do the same. Wow... I am tired of writing. If you want to know more I will have you fill out some forms and we can further discuss a session/scene where I top you. I bet a lot of ladies would love to see that! Just think of how many raffle tickets we could sell. We would have a lot of money for charity then! Woo buddie!! You know I'm just playn" whispy

[WorknMan]

Originally Posted by BritneyBangs

It scares or turns off most "vanilla" guys maybe they are intimidated. I don't know.

Nah, not intimidated. I just look at it the same way as brown showers.... I mean, some people are into that kind of thing, and that's great. It just doesn't sound appealing to me at all

[knotty man]

the dom /sub thing has never been my thing. the only topping i want in a relationship(either long term or hourly) is to see who can top who in pleasing each other, whether that be in the bedroom, kindness, or ramdom acts to let the other know you matter to them and your glad theyre in your life. i never want to dominate a woman or be dominated by a woman. if i do what she wants, it will be cuz I want to please her.and if she does what i want its because she wants to please me. it wont be because the other demanded it or you made her do it. but, thats just me. with that being said though. i am intrigued by the whole psychological element that goes into the dom/ sub relationship. can it be introduced in a single session. or does it take several meetings to build up the trust to be submissive or to allow yourself to be dominated, and i am assuming that these people ALLOW themselves to be dominated

[Damon Bradley]

Quote from Whispers:
I see guys talk about "taking a girl to her limits"..... Once you start exploring limits..... and it becomes known you are through reviews..... Don't you risk rougher and pushier clientele?.....

Yes. I've been noticing this lately. Some of these "test their limits" ladies don't necessarily like it....

[Natalie Reign]

Personally, I don't want my limits "tested" by a hobbyist/client. My boundaries exist for several reasons - to keep me safe, to maintain my sense of self-worth, to define who I am as a provider and as a person, and to protect me from psychological and emotional harm. Encountering a hobbyist/client who attempts to push past those boundaries makes me very uncomfortable, and usually results in a great deal of reflection and "soul-searching" about the positions a provider might find herself in if she's not extremely careful... and sometimes even if she is.

For me, shifting from GFE/FBSM to Domme and back requires a bit of transition time to adjust my mindset, my attitude and my focus. D/s sessions are often quite demanding, both intellectually and emotionally, as you spend a great deal of time trying to get inside the sub client's head and determine what he is ultimately seeking from his encounter with you, without straight up asking. And to be a good Domme, you have to be able to determine when your sub is on the edge, and bring him back safely. As Britney said, the intricacies of the Domme/sub or Domme/slave relationship go far beyond what any of us could manage to convey in words in this thread, but in my mind, the most important aspect of it is ethics.

An ethical Domme will spend a decent amount of time getting to know the sub, suss out his needs and desires, establish boundaries for play, etc. Treating a sub with a nurturing respect is the key to building and maintaining a great D/s relationship, either professionally or as a lifestyle. Part of that respect is knowing where the sub's limits and boundaries lie, why they exist, and what sort of damage one might cause by testing those limits.

I'm going to go out on a limb and self-disclose here. I had a seriously abusive parent, and have worked through years of therapy to overcome the fears, anxieties and trauma associated with my childhood abuse. I know what sorts of behaviors trigger discomfort or panic in my mind, and I choose to avoid them. I would never knowingly put myself into a situation where I might be exposed to those triggers and react in a negative way. I have to trust someone implicitly to be submissive to them in the bedroom (as far as the D/s sense goes), and that deep level of trust just doesn't occur for me within the confines of a professional session.

Some women are true "switches" and are very adept at moving back and forth between the Domme and sub roles. I certainly applaud their flexibility and confidence. I don't mind a bit of light domination in a session - having my arms held lightly above my head, etc. but I am absolutely not comfortable being treated as a sub. (Especially not after watching The Craigslist Killer last night, but I digress...)

As far as professional Domme services go... Yes, I think it would hurt my Domme business if a potential sub were to see a review or a comment about be being dominated in a session by a hobbyist. Subs and slaves are tricky creatures, and a single smudge of the picture of their Domme that they've painted in their heads can be relationship-ending.

Beyond that, it seems that some hobbyists just want to push the limits with D/s play, and other types of sessions, just to see how much they can get away with... a kind of "look what I made this provider do" sort of attitude. A single review of that nature can open the door for a whole new group of clientele that the provider doesn't have any interest in seeing, and even has the potential of encouraging the rougher, pushier clients to come out of hiding and seek that provider out. It's important to note that "pushy" clients often try to manipulate women into performing acts they aren't necessarily comfortable with, and often succeed because the provider fears a loss of business or backlash on the reviews boards. That kind of behavior just makes me want to shake my head in bewilderment. Because at the end of the day, it's all about respect.