Anyone else having suicidal fantasies?

[zacknite]

According to Snopes, it is a myth that suicides spike around the holidays. That makes sense to me; since you don't want to ruin Christmas for your loved ones by killing yourself. Anyway, I just made this thread to possibly connect with other people who also want to die. I'm curious why other people want to die, and how you would handle the issue of not hurting your loved ones by your suicide.

I want to die because I live a valueless, loveless, empty life. Not seeking attention, or wanting to be affirmed of my value or anything, just wondering if there are others out there. Do you think you'll ever do it? Do you think suicide can be a positive thing? Not so long ago sex was as taboo as suicide is today. I don't see why suicide can't eventually come to be a positive, self-affirming experience. And if you are someone who has a net negative impact on the world, suicide could even be seen as an act of love.

[Brooke Wilde]

^^^ I agree with everything you are saying. A single person with no children should be allowed to take their own life with no judgement or stigma, however, once a person has children it complicates the matter since you have a duty to your off spring.

I've always found it odd that we are forced to be here and then forced to stay here. Some people are just not cut out for life. My heart especially breaks for those with issues like down syndrome and so forth, I know this is going to be a very unpopular thing to say, but I would never want to live in those conditions, nor care for a child with those conditions.

I hope you are able to lift your spirits in 2018, OP.

[TheProphetJosephSmith]

You should really talk to a psychiatrist before you make any bad decisions. A lot of times feeling that way is just due to chemical imbalances.

[zacknite]

Originally Posted by TheProphetJosephSmith

You should really talk to a psychiatrist before you make any bad decisions. A lot of times feeling that way is just due to chemical imbalances.

It's subjective which neurochemical states are "balanced" and which are "imbalanced". The words simply have no objective meaning, unless you appeal to statistical norms (as in, saying that a chemically balanced brain is one which conforms most closely to the average). But to do so relies upon the fallacious assumption that the statistical average is better simply because it is more common.

The culture in mental health of relying on averages to define "normal" behavior has worrying implications. Difference is pigeon-holed into arbitrary labels like unhealthy. Doubtless a psychiatrist could pump some SSRI's into me and I would no longer want to die. Would I be better because of that? What does "better" even mean in the context of mental states?

Psychiatry solves a different problem than suicide. Psychiatry helps people manage intense feelings. I don't want to exist in any state. A dull, superficial happiness, the chemical kind we're all supposed to covet, seems just as harrowing as sadness. I mean, I've chased happiness, I'm on a site for procuring sex for money. And it was a happy experience. But what are we? Happy people mindlessly fucking to have a few hours of freedom before this life drags us back into it's mouth and chews us and chews until we can crawl out of it's slimy orifice and into some poor woman's vagina for another brief look at pleasures that can only ever be fleeting?

And even the pleasure, the moment itself, is a kind of pain. Think of intense, passionate fucking. What are they trying so hard to attain? They are trying to make it end. The desperate race to finish, just like eating: we are trying to make the experience stop. Even when we savor, we savor the pleasure of approaching the moment when the experience will end. But really we are just oscillating between two different flavors of agony.

[zacknite]

Originally Posted by Brooke Wilde

^^^ I agree with everything you are saying. A single person with no children should be allowed to take their own life with no judgement or stigma, however, once a person has children it complicates the matter since you have a duty to your off spring.

I've always found it odd that we are forced to be here and then forced to stay here. Some people are just not cut out for life. My heart especially breaks for those with issues like down syndrome and so forth, I know this is going to be a very unpopular thing to say, but I would never want to live in those conditions, nor care for a child with those conditions.

I hope you are able to lift your spirits in 2018, OP.

I cherish unpopular opinions! What's worst is that the people who would most justifiably wish to kill themselves (down syndrome patients eg) are also the most zealously prevented from doing so. The suicide stigma is misplaced in it's naive impulse to protect life. In the end, having people like me participate in life has a negative impact on society and the gene pool.

My birthday is coming up (the 20th! I'll be 26!) and I've been wanting to kill myself on my birthday for sometime. Have you ever wanted to kill yourself, Brooke?

[chicagoboy]

Originally Posted by zacknite

Do you think suicide can be a positive thing?

Yours, yes; mine, no.

Originally Posted by zacknite

I don't see why suicide can't eventually come to be a positive, self-affirming experience.

Be sure to let us know how it works out for you. One rap, yes; two raps, no.

[pyramider]

Originally Posted by zacknite

My birthday is coming up (the 20th! I'll be 26!) and I've been wanting to kill myself on my birthday for sometime.

Timing is everything, go for it ... what could possibly go wrong?

[nycalcharlie2003]

First of all, ignore the assholes who are posting nasty comments.


From your writing I can discern that you are a thoughtful and very intelligent person. I think that you could probably have a very positive impact on society. You are still pretty young, why would you want to deprive others of the contributions that you could make? I would strongly urge you to seek professional help so that you can turn your life around and help others. As you can tell from some of the comments you see on this board, the world needs intelligent people who care.

Nycalcharlie

[Lucas McCain]

Originally Posted by nycalcharlie2003

First of all, ignore the assholes who are posting nasty comments.


From your writing I can discern that you are a thoughtful and very intelligent person.

From your post, I am assuming you definitely are not and you are just an extremely gullible old man. This troll has been on a whore board for 2 days and he is talking about suicide. He should send me his address and I will mail him a gun. Anybody who is even giving any thought to this troll, send me your address and I will mail you a gun as well.

[zacknite]

Originally Posted by Lucas McCain

From your post, I am assuming you definitely are not and you are just an extremely gullible old man. This troll has been on a whore board for 2 days and he is talking about suicide. He should send me his address and I will mail him a gun. Anybody who is even giving any thought to this troll, send me your address and I will mail you a gun as well.

Free guns by mail? Whore trolls? Isn't this the weirdest place? I do not want free guns by mail or to troll. I think suicide should be something people can talk about openly. Your post reminds me of the reflexive apathy of adolescence - the need to be seen not caring. But the desperate need to to be perceived as invulnerable is itself a vulnerable state. You don't have to defend yourself here. We're just friendly people on a board casually discussing suicide.

I mean, you are insulting a guy (the guy you quoted whose intelligence you question) who is literally reaching out with compassion to the suicidal. What do you get out of that? Between being a depressed person, being a compassionate person, and being a guy who feels emotionally compelled to belittle the former two, I think the latter is by far the most pathetic and sad condition of the three. The saddest part is we can't even help you, because to help you, you'd have to be capable of letting yourself be vulnerable. It's ironic that people say things to try and sound cold and invulnerable, but it only makes them look super defensive and insecure. After all, someone who really didn't care wouldn't feel the need to go on the attack in such a petty and childish way.

It is horrifying that you think nycalcharlie2003's kindness makes him unintelligent. That means you equate everyday compassion with unintelligence. Is that why you are afraid to be emotionally open and vulnerable? You're afraid that if you don't try to act faux teenage cool someone will call you dumb? We won't. No one here is going to try to hurt your feelings. You are safe here.

[zacknite]

Originally Posted by nycalcharlie2003

First of all, ignore the assholes who are posting nasty comments.


From your writing I can discern that you are a thoughtful and very intelligent person. I think that you could probably have a very positive impact on society. You are still pretty young, why would you want to deprive others of the contributions that you could make? I would strongly urge you to seek professional help so that you can turn your life around and help others. As you can tell from some of the comments you see on this board, the world needs intelligent people who care.

Nycalcharlie

Wow, thanks for your kind words. I do not worry at all about nasty comments, I find them amusing. Suicide is a very touchy subject, and I expect people to struggle to express their feelings towards suicide and suicidal people articulately. Frankly, I think a lot of people end up in this hobby because we aren't the best at living with our emotions.

[pyramider]

A 10' rope and the Congress St bridge would suit you well.

[Lucas McCain]

Originally Posted by zacknite

Free guns by mail? Whore trolls? Isn't this the weirdest place? I do not want free guns by mail or to troll. I think suicide should be something people can talk about openly. Your post reminds me of the reflexive apathy of adolescence - the need to be seen not caring. But the desperate need to to be perceived as invulnerable is itself a vulnerable state. You don't have to defend yourself here. We're just friendly people on a board casually discussing suicide.

I mean, you are insulting a guy (the guy you quoted whose intelligence you question) who is literally reaching out with compassion to the suicidal. What do you get out of that? Between being a depressed person, being a compassionate person, and being a guy who feels emotionally compelled to belittle the former two, I think the latter is by far the most pathetic and sad condition of the three. The saddest part is we can't even help you, because to help you, you'd have to be capable of letting yourself be vulnerable. It's ironic that people say things to try and sound cold and invulnerable, but it only makes them look super defensive and insecure. After all, someone who really didn't care wouldn't feel the need to go on the attack in such a petty and childish way.

It is horrifying that you think nycalcharlie2003's kindness makes him unintelligent. That means you equate everyday compassion with unintelligence. Is that why you are afraid to be emotionally open and vulnerable? You're afraid that if you don't try to act faux teenage cool someone will call you dumb? We won't. No one here is going to try to hurt your feelings. You are safe here.

I am not reading all of that long winded troll bullshit I just quoted. I was serious about mailing you a gun. You are just another fool with a banned handle/mandle. Nice try

Anyway clown, have a nice Christmas. I've got better shit to do today, but I'll be back later. Hopefully you won't be if you already own a gun.

[chicagoboy]

Originally Posted by Lucas McCain

This troll has been on a whore board for 2 days and he is talking about suicide. He should send me his address and I will mail him a gun.

Spare a last thought for the people who will be stuck cleaning up the mess. Black capsules are tidier.

And, please, wait until after Christmas Day, so nobody has to be called into work on a holiday.

[zacknite]

Originally Posted by chicagoboy

Spare a last thought for the people who will be stuck cleaning up the mess. Black capsules are tidier.

And, please, wait until after Christmas Day, so nobody has to be called into work on a holiday.

If you read the thread, my preference is the 20th. My reasoning is similar to yours. I think it would be annoying to kill yourself on Christmas. Everyone is trying to feel good on Christmas and there's no need to fuck it up. That's why I say the birthday suicide is best. It's a day about pleasing yourself only.

Capsules always make me think of Nedeljko Čabrinović, one of the seven Black Hand anarchists who participated in the assassination of Franz Ferdinand. Multiple people were involved in the attempt, and before Ferdinand was successfully shot, Nedeljko attempted to blow him up with a bomb. But the bomb went off too late, and the archduke survived. To avoid capture, Nedeljko flet to the waters of River Miljacka, swallowed a cyanide capsule, and jumped into the river.

Unfortunately, the capsule only made him throw up. He broke is legs upon landing and did not drown because the water was only 10cm deep. Nedeljko was a minor, and therefore sentenced to twenty years in prison (instead of death), where he eventually died of tuberculosis.


"We are not criminals. We are honest people, animated by noble sentiments; we are idealists; we wanted to do good; we have loved our people; and we shall die for our ideals."

- Nedeljko Čabrinović, 1916.