KLovve, Britney Bangs and I decided to meet up tonight for a few drinks and a little girl time. Eventually, we were joined by Spacemtn, Motorboating, and Damon Bradley. Drinks of West 6th, live music near Congress, and an early morning breakfast at Magnolia made for a fantastic Tuesday evening. The night seems a bit fuzzy, but some key phrases:
Britney: "I don't like my drink. Let me have yours." (Takes Natalie's drink and tastes it.) "Your drink sucks, too. Let's get some wine." (Orders a bottle of wine.) "Ew. I don't like this either. But fuck it - we're going to drink it anyways."
Spacemtn: (Sniffs the wine.) "Yeah... That's okay. Y'all drink that."
Natalie: (Piles pieces of artisan cheese, candied pecans, prosciutto and honey in a little stack and shoves them in her mouth.) "Mmmmm. Mouthgasm!" (Piles pieces of artisan cheese, candied pecans, prosciutto and honey in a little stack and shoves them in Damon Bradley's mouth.) "SEE! Mouthgasm!!!" (Realizes she's out of everything but honey, and proceeds to dip her finger in honey and shove that in Britney's mouth. Then Kelli's mouth. Motorboating is laughing to hard to accept forced honey tastings.)
Natalie: (In women's restroom, attempting to wash her hands. Holds hands under the sink for a few moments, waiting for the water to come on automatically. It doesn't. Realizes there is a handle to turn on the faucet. Washes hands. Holds hands in front of paper towel dispenser labeled "Matic" and waits for the damn thing to dispense paper towels "matically." It doesn't. Gives up and and turns to leave, only to find a complete stranger laughing so hard at her that she can't even open the bathroom door.)
Kelli: "You don't even KNOW about my ballet!!" (Grabs one foot in her right hand and slowly stretches it above her head in a semi-graceful pose. Stumbles, spills Natalie's wine. Straightens her top.) "See? Fucking graceful as shit."
Natalie: (Repeatedly @ Motorboating) "You MOTORBOATIN' SONOFABITCH!"
Natalie & Kelli: Singing "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey in its entirety. (In case you're curious, we won't be winning any Grammy awards any time soon. Unless they come up with a "Most Similar to a Pair of Cats in a Blender" category. But DAMN if we didn't rock the 80s dream hands.)
Motorboating: "THIS IS BULLSHIT!!"
Natalie: "What the hell? It's 2:00 a.m., and I just got a text that says, "Are u avail?"
Kelli: "Who the fuck is that? We need eggs. Is he going to bring us some eggs?"
Kelli: (To unknown pair of women at restaurant.) "Hi! Why are y'all all alone? You can come hang out with us. We're fun!"
Snotty-Ass Strange Woman #1: "There's nothing wrong with being alone. We're fine."
Natalie: "Kelli, come back over here, honey. They're obviously lesbians or virgins with no sense of humor." (To strange women.) "Umm... cute boots."
Britney: (To Natalie's foreign friends seated at another table.) "Natalie says you like boobs. I have boobs. So go home and think about boobs, instead of watching Married with Children. Yeah, Natalie told me that's what you like to do when you go home at night. Boobs."
YOU RUIN IT FOR ENTIRE LOG!!!
Damon Bradley: (On the phone with Kelli after dropping her & Motorboating off, with Britney and Natalie still in the car.) "Okay... no, no... Kelli... everyone has to get up early. We can't all come back and hang out. Natalie says she'll come over when she has time to give you proper attention. Wait? You have Guinness? Well, maybe I'll come up and have a Guinness with you. And cuddle."
Kelli: "OKAY!!"
Damon Bradley: (Aside to Natalie.) "But I promise not to fuck her."
Natalie: "Why not?!"
Kelli: What?!!"
It's 4:49 a.m. and I have to be up early... but I couldn't let the evening pass without memorializing a few of our more memorable moments tonight.
Secret Diary of a Bunch of Call Girls
