Where do you draw the line?

[JessicaKnightly]

Ok, most of my contact in this little corner of the world has been with people of class, manners; truly beautiful people. The women I've met have the highest of standards and the men I've met have been true gentlemen.

I don't get a lot of undesirable types contacting me, so there's not a lot of emails to ignore. I typically won't respond to emails that are poorly written with little to no information. But, I often give people the benefit of the doubt.

So the other day I got an email asking if I was available. He gave references and his employment information and although he didn't say anything rude or inappropriate and was forth coming with his information, I just felt he wasn't right for me. He had a nice professional job which I could verify easily, but something just felt wrong. So, I told him to review my website to make sure he felt we were compatible and also so he understood what I expect from a gentleman caller. He didn't bat an eye and I figured I would take a chance on him (after all, who couldn't use an extra grand or so).

But, after a few back in forth text, he finally suggested we meet at a fast-food restaurant, you know the kind with a drive-thru. Well, I do have standards and integrity and it wasn't so much the fast-food location (I can hang and be casual) but I knew we wouldn't be a good fit and so I had to pass on the appointment.

I hope this doesn't make me sound like a snob, but if we are this far apart on our idea of a first date (even a paid date) then I didn't feel I could take his money and not give him my best. Like I said, it was more the feel of our pre-date communication that had me concerned, not so much the suggestion of venue.

We advertise that we are exclusive and selective (discriminating), which means we don't see just anybody. At the same time, we are trying to make a living and so it's hard to turn down business. That is why I keep my prices high, I let the economic of this sport weed out those that wouldn't be a good fit. But, just because someone is willing to pay my rate, doesn't guaranty we'll click.

And although the money is nice, it is more important for me that we both have an amazing time.

What are your thoughts?

[cafriend]

There is nothing wrong with using your "something is not right sense". If anyone does not feel comfortable then your time together will be affected.

Have you considered that the fast food joint was close to his business and just wanted to meet you to calm his anxiety? Especially if you has arranged a meeting with the $$$$ you indicated?

You have standards that are most likely listed on your webpage, but many guys read profiles/webpages every day that do not match up with reality.

You may have missed out on your ATF client! However, you have the experience to know when something is not right. Since you posted this thread, are you having second thoughts or feeling guilty?

Originally Posted by JessicaKnightly

Ok, most of my contact in this little corner of the world has been with people of class, manners; truly beautiful people. The women I've met have the highest of standards and the men I've met have been true gentlemen.

I don't get a lot of undesirable types contacting me, so there's not a lot of emails to ignore. I typically won't respond to emails that are poorly written with little to no information. But, I often give people the benefit of the doubt.

So the other day I got an email asking if I was available. He gave references and his employment information and although he didn't say anything rude or inappropriate and was forth coming with his information, I just felt he wasn't right for me. He had a nice professional job which I could verify easily, but something just felt wrong. So, I told him to review my website to make sure he felt we were compatible and also so he understood what I expect from a gentleman caller. He didn't bat an eye and I figured I would take a chance on him (after all, who couldn't use an extra grand or so).

But, after a few back in forth text, he finally suggested we meet at a fast-food restaurant, you know the kind with a drive-thru. Well, I do have standards and integrity and it wasn't so much the fast-food location (I can hang and be casual) but I knew we wouldn't be a good fit and so I had to pass on the appointment.

I hope this doesn't make me sound like a snob, but if we are this far apart on our idea of a first date (even a paid date) then I didn't feel I could take his money and not give him my best. Like I said, it was more the feel of our pre-date communication that had me concerned, not so much the suggestion of venue.

We advertise that we are exclusive and selective (discriminating), which means we don't see just anybody. At the same time, we are trying to make a living and so it's hard to turn down business. That is why I keep my prices high, I let the economic of this sport weed out those that wouldn't be a good fit. But, just because someone is willing to pay my rate, doesn't guaranty we'll click.

And although the money is nice, it is more important for me that we both have an amazing time.

What are your thoughts?

[HeatherDAngelo]

I know this is hard to post because we don't want to sound snooty. Anything that alienates business is best left unsaid. I have many personal reasons for not eating fast food. I am not going to start that conversation because I could end up on a very tall soapbox and that's not super attractive.
So, this fellow asks you to meet him at a fast food joint? Did he have a reason? Was this a social meeting or the prelude to time back in the room? Was it just a place to meet so he could slip you the key to his room so you wouldn't be spotted together at his hotel lobby or did he actually think this was the most appropriate place for a first date? I can see a brief meeting at a coffee shop if no meal is intended but an actual date at a fast food place and I would think I was either being "Punked" or set up for a bust.

[atlcomedy]

Two comments, somewhat unrelated:

1) Obviously I don't have the context on how he framed it but...I can see a number of plausible reasons for meeting at a fast food restaurant. I meet dates at coffee shops/Starbucks all the time. Particularly in a confusing area, a McDonald's (just to pick on the biggest one) might be an easy to locate/park/meet/not get lost spot. Granted it doesn't sound sexy, but there may have been a practical reason for him suggesting it.

2) Great to see people turning down business that isn't right for them. Nothing says you have an obligation to serve everyone. Focusing on your core market can be better for your business long term. IRL I turn down business from assholes all the time. It is good for my sanity & I think long term my bottom line.

[JessicaKnightly]

First, to address Cafriend, I don't feel guilty, more relieved that I passed. Although, I also feel concerned with myself. See, he was the third one in 3 days that I turned down after I almost went against my gut. Here's the situation, I just discovered I will have to pay 5 times more taxes this year than in the past. Yep, I owe Uncle Sam a bucket of money for income tax and social security this year. Not a bad problem, just means I made and spent a lot of income that I have to claim. (Bought a house).

So, I have a need for a lot of cash and fast. But, when I started in this business I promised myself I wouldn't do anything or anyone that I didn't feel right about doing. So, when these recent three emailed me with the writing of a 4 year old child - misspelling the simplest of words and not able to finish just one sentence, normally I would ignore these. But, I started inventing in my mind excuses for them. Maybe English isn't their native tongue, maybe the one guy on the "don't see list" was just wrongly put there by a pissed off provider, maybe...

Whatever excuse I made up for them just didn't ring true. So when the last one made me feel there might be an issue, I stuck to my guns and told him I must meet him in public, have dinner, and the envelope at dinner (which I would deposit into the bank on the way to the hotel) and then text him the room number. Thinking these hoops might scare off a possible con-artist looking to rip me off. His response was, "OK, let's meet at What-a-Burger"

Uuggg! I just can't. I have too much respect for myself to let money influence who I see. So, this really isn't about meeting at a fast-food restaurant, but about seeing someone questionable out of financial desperation. And I'm just not that desperate.

[JohnnyYanks]

Sounds like it's time to raise your rates again.

[atlcomedy]

Originally Posted by JessicaKnightly

So when the last one made me feel there might be an issue, I stuck to my guns and told him I must meet him in public, have dinner, and the envelope at dinner (which I would deposit into the bank on the way to the hotel) and then text him the room number. Thinking these hoops might scare off a possible con-artist looking to rip me off. His response was, "OK, let's meet at What-a-Burger"

Okay that context was very helpful.

He was not asking you to dinner. It was his way of telling you to go fuck yourself (after you told him the only way you would see him was to first dine together in public, pay for the date and then get a text with a room number). Had absolutely nothing to do with his restaurant choice. You really didn't have anything to think about...

I probably would have just said, "I'll pass" (given those exceptional requirements)

[JessicaKnightly]

After I wrote him that, he sent the following 3 messages:


What part of towm r u staying?

R u Outside of beltway eight or insde of beltway eigjt? I can give u a closer location if u help me w that place.

Thank you. May we meet at what a burger on xxxxxxx and xxxxxxx exit?

Those three were cut and pasted and exactly how presented, except the streets are xxx out for privacy reasons. All communications were similar.


Then I had another who wanted me to meet him tonight in Dallas (4hour drive) and book the room after I told him I needed more notice. When I declined, he replied with the following:

But I take care of you good

[JessicaKnightly]

Originally Posted by atlcomedy

Okay that context was very helpful.

He was not asking you to dinner. It was his way of telling you to go fuck yourself (after you told him the only way you would see him was to first dine together in public, pay for the date and then get a text with a room number). Had absolutely nothing to do with his restaurant choice. You really didn't have anything to think about...

I probably would have just said, "I'll pass" (given those exceptional requirements)

Actually Atl.,
I've been doing this for 10 years and back in the mid 2,000's (2004-2007) that is how I always did business. I would meet him at the bar of a 4 or 5 star restaurant where he would have made reservations. He would hand me a small gift bag or greeting card with my donation inside. After a very nice, relaxed dinner with great conversation, if I was getting the room I would leave him at the table and check in to the hotel. He would stay and pay the bill and then head over. I would let him know the room number and he would come knocking on my door.

I still do this, but only about 40% of the time. The other 60% are when we are only staying in the room or I'm staying in his room. But, even when I stay in his room, he always buys me dinner.

If it's an overnight or multi-day visit, we also do things like museums, theatre, and sightseeing - not just dinner.

So, they weren't "exceptional requirements" just how some of us do things.

[JohnnyYanks]

Originally Posted by JessicaKnightly

... just how some of us do things.

[atlcomedy]

Originally Posted by JessicaKnightly

Actually Atl.,
I've been doing this for 10 years and back in the mid 2,000's (2004-2007) that is how I always did business. I would meet him at the bar of a 4 or 5 star restaurant where he would have made reservations. He would hand me a small gift bag or greeting card with my donation inside. After a very nice, relaxed dinner with great conversation, if I was getting the room I would leave him at the table and check in to the hotel. He would stay and pay the bill and then head over. I would let him know the room number and he would come knocking on my door.

I still do this, but only about 40% of the time. The other 60% are when we are only staying in the room or I'm staying in his room. But, even when I stay in his room, he always buys me dinner.

If it's an overnight or multi-day visit, we also do things like museums, theatre, and sightseeing - not just dinner.

So, they weren't "exceptional requirements" just how some of us do things.

I don't want to get into a pissing contest....if it works for you great.

But it isn't 2007 it is 2015. If someone told me to give them an envelope then wait for a text message I'd look for someone else

[Guest101016]

The feelings come and what can we do but listen? I personally think it's important too go off of the vibes you get from the hobbyist, and yes we all need to make a living but this profession isn't fading and neither are the hobbyist so be selective of who you choose to see, Good luck and be safe always! !

[JessicaKnightly]

I know better than to air my dirty laundry and/or complain in a public forum. It is in bad taste and like cream I should rise above it. Unfortunately, I am human and I faultier at times. I've just been frustrated and not sure how to let people know to show a little respect when asking a girl out and put some time into spelling and complete sentences at the very least.

So to change the topic from "where do we draw the line on who we see" to what is expected in an initial contact email, might be a better course for this thread.

I prefer the longer well thought out emails, but at the very least can you gentlemen please let us know when, where, how long, and incall or outcall, etc when asking if we are available?

[atlcomedy]

Although we disagree on what I would choose to do on a first date and what you would ask of a potential date I think this (the original topic) is helpful in the sense that it gets at real interactions and expectations; valuable for all to read.

As for your revised topic. I agree the one line casual texts are too little. Your minimums (where, when, how long) are about what I would normally provide. I'd usually add a "why" -- something about you that struck me or motivated me to see you (your eyes, smile, enjoyable posts on a forum, witty ad, etc....even if it is also your boobs or booty I have the good sense not to say that). Sure often it is flattery but usually it goes a long way. The "who" should be self explanatory in most cases but I guess in the event I was looking for a double or wanted to bring my GF I'd include that. The graphic "what" is not appropriate in an initial inquiry.

This is all still a brief email. Fewer words than this post has.

[cinderbella]

Hey there, I understand the feeling. ( My self employment taxes are in the stratosphere too! I'm not taking as many deductions because I am hoping to buy a home in June, so I had show a steady increase for when they average out my income).

I had a guy contact me a couple of months ago and I just felt horrible vibes. BUT he was never, ever rude. He was nice every time I refused him. I screened him and I knew all his info and could not figure out why I was so reluctant. He finally caught me on a good day and we met. He was amazing! I saw him 3 times total and he is the perfect gentleman. I had been completely wrong. I will say, the fact that he remained polite really did influence my agreement after his gentle persistence.

Today I met another surprise, another guy I have been corresponding with who I assumed I would not like to meet at all. I was such a bitch to him in pm's and he would always politely respond back to me! I finally had a long talk with him over the phone and we decided to meet and he was a perfect gentleman and I was so glad I had the chance after almost turning him down for good.

So, moral of the story is if he remains polite and keeps his cool.... then maybe he is worth a shot after all. A phone conversation in my opinion is the best means of communication prior to meeting.