Spank that Monkey! Don't Cry!!!

[txcwby6]

OK, I was in San Diego last week on business and decided to indulge in some local SD cusine. I booked a nice suite at the Hotel Del got online and fed in my search parameters (over 30yo, bare, C or D cup, no tats and no piercings or hardware "down there") and hit "Search." Lo and behold, several beautiful meals appeared on the screen. I selected tonight's entree' and made the call. She was a hot California bunny and looked like she'd just walked off the red carpet. We chatted a bot and I noticed she was a bit quiet but I'v been with women that are that way and can light up once you get them excited so I suggested we move to the bedroom.

I'm slurping and licking and all the while she's got her lower lip stuck out and she looks lik she's ging to cry. I'm pretty good a DATY so I figure (more like praying!) that it's not me so I lift my head up and ask if evrything is OK. BIG mistake!! She covers her face with her hand and starts crying. "It's Aldo" she sobbed "he's not doing well." She throws hersefl on the mattress and is crying into the sheets. I'm thinking crap, boyfriend troubles and I'm now in the midst of it. I reach up and try to comfort her, offering a drink or perhaps to re-schedule. She sniffs a couple of times. "N..no..I'm OK..go ahead with what you were doin..it felt good."

I'm back between her legs and she starts sobbing again. I lift out and get off the bed and ask her if we can call it a night and try again whenever she and Aldo work things out. "Whaddya mean "work things out?" she responds, using her fingers to make quotation marks around the words coming out of her mouth.

"All I wanted was to eat some pussy..maybe fuck some..have you do some sucking...you know....the reason I called you?" She gets a real serious look on her face.

"Look, ASShole....Aldo's my pet monkey and he has cancer!!" Her eyes were all lit up with some kind of monkey-love fury and I'm planning on how to get this wackjob outta my hotel room without tomorrow's headline reading "Distraught Hooker Assaults Monkey-Hater at The Del!" I felt like I had no choice but to open up negotiations with her, telling her how sorry I was that her monkey was sick and telling her she can keep half the fee since I've already gone down on her IF she can compose herself and leave quietly. "Finnnnnnne!" she says in some sort of 'you have no idea what you've just missed out on' demeanor and pulls her dress back on. I was just standing there, butt naked, a look of shock and awe on my face with my dick pulled in so tight that it looked like a frightened turtle as this lover-of-the-knuckle-dragging-sapiens storms out of the room and slams the door.

I don't know how many of you fellow Hobbyists have had similar bad encounters but this was my 4th! It's enough to give the Hobbyist pause to re-consider what I call off-site playing; namely hobbying in a region of the country where you have little, if any, resources to verify the Provider's sanity.

[hotlips_houlihan]

LMAO damn. Over a monkey, seriously? She has that routine down. It worked like a charm. So I only have one question. Did your dick come back?

[roadrep]

You sure this wasn't an episode from "Seinfeld" or something?
Does this shit really happen?
I guess I've been lucky.

[Dasani]

*shaking my head*
Pour you ... lol better luck next time.

[Playful Jade]

Dam baby. Sorry you had a bad time..or times.. Maybe you should stick with Dallas girls!

Well do you right

[txcwby6]

Honestly, I swear that I attract the wackos like blood pulls in mosquitoes! I can chuckle now but all I could think of at the time was this woman going completely NUTS!! and attracting a crowd of monied guests that wouldn't understand the mix of "he was eating my pussy" and "monkey with cancer" while I scrambled into my clothes and rushed the front door.

Also, Ms. Hotlips, I've been around the block enough times to sense when I'm getting my chain yanked. The little CA hottie was a pickle short of a Happy Meal!

And yes, Playful Jade, I'm gonna focus on all the tasty Dallas pussy and leave that "Made in California" crap to the cheese cow ads.

[MaxiMilyen]

Just sad AND Hilarious! At least you got a funny story out of the deal. Thanks for sharing!

Damn Nina....you're gonna shake that head right off your neck! U always be shaking it! LOL

[hotlips_houlihan]

Originally Posted by txcwby6

The little CA hottie was a pickle short of a Happy Meal!

[vnurse]

txcwby6, WHAT a STORY! Wow, I would have been scared too! Glad you got rid of her! I think you DEFINITELY need to stick to the Metroplex area!

[TinMan]

Originally Posted by txcwby6

I don't know how many of you fellow Hobbyists have had similar bad encounters....

You mean, this month?

[Playful Jade]

Txcwby.. That doesnt include me huh? You know Im Cali Made!

[fortwortholdguy]

What did you do after you finally got rid of her? Buy some porn and spank that monkey?

[pyramider]

At least she did not mention choking a chicken.