Welcome to ECCIE - Sign up today!

PhillyChik · 12-12-2014, 01:03 AM

i recently read an article about this. I've always thought that it could. Men get physical needs taken care of, without developing an emotional connection as hard-core as a traditional affair might offer...

I've always said if cheating were on my SO mind, that she better be gorgeous, and he better pay big, lol.

Thoughts?

Ed Highlight · 12-12-2014, 05:34 AM

Now bring that sweet ass of yours to Connecticut and help save my marriage!!!

Gotyour6 · 12-12-2014, 05:57 AM

Saved mine.

My wife had a hysterectomy years ago and it stopped her sexual desire.
She just didn't want it and it was painful when she did.

We talked about it and one day when I was on a business trip I saw a provider.

Went home and told her that I couldn't go without sex and what had happened.

She was ok with it and now I have a 21 year old GF that I see every weekend.

My wife and I are still together and I have been with my girl friend for three years.

It works for us. My wife knows and has met my GF and is good with it.

Guest043022 · 12-12-2014, 07:31 AM

I have been married for a long time, and some time ago due to her change in life and then sickness, she lost all desire for sex and gave permission for me to get it elsewhere.I just did without for a loooong time, then I learned how to hobby.Don't know if it saved mine since there was no way I was going to leave a sick woman over lack of sex, but it certainly made it easier for me to deal with our situation.

TGBeldin · 12-12-2014, 01:43 PM

All depends on the marriage situation and what the guy is actually seeking. I fit the same basic situation as some who've already posted. Wife has medical issues. I would never leave her with or without sex, but providers provide a solution to the sex while not threatening the marriage. In fact the wife has met a couple and has become friends with one.

But I understand in different situations to could work out much worse.

Fast car · 12-13-2014, 10:59 AM

so we are really talking about communication within a relationship. This topic can help, or can hurt. It just depends on if you are communicating openly with your spouse
or if you are hiding things that will build resentment and mistrust.

Old-T · 12-13-2014, 11:53 AM

This topic comes up periodically, and from watching people I have to say it can help or it can hurt. I agree with Fast Car that open communication with the spouse is a part of the equation, but I don't think it is the only factor. I know guys who had the conversation with the SO, but the reality was not that same as the hypothetical conversation. I know others who did not tell the SO and it absolutely kept the marriage together. It is a very personal situation that does not lend itself to broad generalities.

There was a long thread on here about telling the SO or not. Not exactly the same question, but some good related thoughts--and very different opinions--in that thread.

Pilot Pete · 12-14-2014, 10:19 PM

I have a situation very similar to another poster, where medical issues prevent sex. But it does not prevent intimacy and, for us, that is critical. I know, when her condition worsened, she feared I would find another woman and leave her. I would never do that but do have needs.

My wife nudged me toward massage and I have heard her tell others that a HJ is not sex. We don't discuss it or bring up the subject and most of my needs are met within massage sessions.

sketchball82 · 12-14-2014, 11:58 PM

Absolutely.

I'm on the other side. I have severe trust issues since my first ex-wife left me, and I do not like bland sex. My SO is a physician with her own practice, is beautiful, amazing with a great house, car, dog, and job. On paper she's like the most ideal partner ever. She's sweet, beautiful, talented, and overall amazing. But she's just not good in bed and isn't interested in learning.

So the sex is bland. Am I going to leave her over that? Fuck no. I can confidently say that my SB (previously hobbying) is what keeps my relationship intact. I would have walked away from the girl of my dreams (ie., my SO) because she's not as adventurous in bed as I want without hobbying/my SBs.

Jewish Lawyer · 12-15-2014, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhillyChik

i recently read an article about this. I've always thought that it could. Men get physical needs taken care of, without developing an emotional connection as hard-core as a traditional affair might offer...

I've always said if cheating were on my SO mind, that she better be gorgeous, and he better pay big, lol.

Thoughts?

I believe for some people that it definitely does preserve a marriage. It really bridges the gap for those that love their wives and wouldn't want to hurt her or embarrass her, or lose the good relationship with all the family members.
I would rather die than harm my wife in any way.
I would die without the occasional fun on the side.

joesmo888 · 12-16-2014, 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sketchball82

Absolutely.

I'm on the other side. I have severe trust issues since my first ex-wife left me, and I do not like bland sex. My SO is a physician with her own practice, is beautiful, amazing with a great house, car, dog, and job. On paper she's like the most ideal partner ever. She's sweet, beautiful, talented, and overall amazing. But she's just not good in bed and isn't interested in learning.

So the sex is bland. Am I going to leave her over that? Fuck no. I can confidently say that my SB (previously hobbying) is what keeps my relationship intact. I would have walked away from the girl of my dreams (ie., my SO) because she's not as adventurous in bed as I want without hobbying/my SBs.

yeah everything is perfect except the sex so you get the sex somewhere else to compensate. been there too

Jez UaBriain · 12-16-2014, 10:57 PM

Sex is NOT the only component to a marriage. And these gentlemen do love their SO's. However they desire intimacy still, while the other partner does not. This is why they visit women like myself. No worries from me that I would ever try to sabatoge their marital life, but at the same time they get to visit a lady who is hot, friendly and gives them that intimacy they desire.

Friendship with boundaries intact.

So do I think that this venue saves marriages? Hell yes. Always see a professional woman.The risk of causing marital distress is not near as likely to happen to you then if you were to just go and have an affair with a civilian woman.

albundy · 12-17-2014, 01:34 AM

Definitely "saved" mine. My wife is extremely gorgeous, no bullshit. Way out of my league. I have a great family, wonderful young children. But because of things earlier in her life, sex with my wife was infrequent, now non-existent. Used to be once a month, then every 2 months, now once a year if I'm "lucky". She definitely doesn't know I hobby. I WISH I could be faithful to her, but damn, after a while I can't take it anymore.

I have 3 options as I see it: 1). Jerking off constantly, 2.) divorce, or 3.) cheat.

1.) Just jerking off gets really old, really fast.
2.) Divorce isn't the answer because of rarely seeing my kids, child support X3, and I actually do love my wife.
3.) Cheating. The option I chose. A girl on the side sucks because of huge chance of getting caught and possible emotional ties. Hobbying is the way to go. Meet some wonderful ladies on here and keep the family intact. Can't hobby as much as I'd like because of wife seeing money coming in and out. But I get to hobby occasionally and stay with my wife.

Camille Fox · 12-17-2014, 01:39 AM

A man has many things to worry about, one of them, OFTEN, is to support a family. If sex is an issue for whatever reason, it physically gets in the way of the things that a man has to worry about. This is obviously an oversimplified generalization, but it holds true for MANY married men. I also believe that, if you choose to hobby because you are caught in a sexually depleted marriage, be honest with yourself and don't take a martyr role. You are enjoying your life and SO SHOULD YOU, IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO, but realize that you are not a victim, you are simply taking charge of the pleasure that was taken away from you. Hobbying is just one alternative.

I am way past judging anyone who walks through my doors. I see men whom society would validate their visit, and men who would be looked down upon. As long as one understands the full implications of one's behaviors and possible consequences, more power to you.

Kindly,

Camille

SA Angel · 12-17-2014, 01:54 AM

I'm sure it does.

Hobbying....as long as discretion is kept....will not disrupt a marriage.

An affair absolutely is the riskiest way of getting your rocks off. I've had to "protect" a few of my RW friends from their own stupidity. I wouldn't have had to save them if they had to decency to contact a provider instead of looking around the office or the bars they frequent.