BP whores, listen up...

[Wakeup]

...we get it. The arrest of the CEO of Backpage last month has all of your pimps running scared, worried about sex trafficking charges, and you're looking for new places to advertise. We get that you're desperate for a new source of income, and you're looking for other avenues that set your pimp minds at ease. The differences between Backpage and here are pretty minor.

The tricks here are just as fucking dumb, they're just as cheap, and they're just as easy to fleece, the only difference is that they call themselves "hobbyists" instead of johns. Their mistake. The cops are here, just as they are on Backpage, watching what is happening. The only difference is that people here think they aren't. Their mistake. The whores here are just as jealous as the streetwalkers you're familiar with. In some ways, even more so, because here they're hiding behind a keyboard and your pimp doesn't get the opportunity to cut the bitch that disrespects his whores.

The biggest difference between here and Backpage is that here...people respond to your dumbass comments, rates, ads, and threADs, and they don't do that on Backpage. That being said, there are some guidelines you may want to polish up on when you decide to get involved here, to help minimize the backlash you get for looking like a fucking moron when your pimps post for you.


1. Tell your pimps to learn to speak English. There's more than a couple idiots here who use the word "bruh" in their posts, but they're the minority...in posting, and in life. Don't cater to them if you want to earn any money.

2. Learn to give up the free pussy to the moderators, and the free anal to the admins. That'll help grease the wheels as far as getting you verified, as a whore, and as being of age. Unless you're butt fucking ugly, fat, or too much of a hoodrat...then you might have some trouble...or maybe not...there's always Pistolero and The2Dogs...

3. Ignore the massive amount of Mexican whores here. They'll advertise themselves as Cuban, Honduran, Spanish, and anything else, but they're all Mexicans who just got trafficked across the border and are in the same shit as you are. You'll learn nothing from them.

4. Don't see a guy by the name of "the cute papi" when he contacts you in your welcome post. On second thought, you can give him the bareback, tape recorded session he wants, as long as you pass along a long lasting present when you do. So, skip that weekly trip to the clinic and dive right in girls.

5. If you've been walking the track for any length of time, then you're probably somewhat thin. On second thought, your pimps can only afford the value listings at Jack In The Box, so maybe you are fat as fuck. If you are fat, you're shit out of luck here. The majority of the hookers here are already fat, and since they've been here longer than you, they've already found all of the fat, insecure hobbyists on the board that want to fuck them. That leaves none for you. Sorry.

6a. If you're black, be sure to have your pimp list you as "Mixed" on the race tab. There's almost as many ghetto hoodrat whores here as there are in the Palace Inns you frequent. I say almost, because the ones that are, list themselves as Mixed, to try and convince us white guys to fuck them, instead of the "bruhs" around here. We all know that your pimps don't like other black guys hanging around, because all black guys are just pimp wannabes. That's still as true here as it is on the track, so stick to listing as Mixed, and trying to fuck the white guys. Not me, of course.

6b. Since you're black, please tell your pimp to list "No AA allowed" or "I have an NBA policy" in your ad. I love seeing the black guys lose their damn minds over it. Since I'm doing all this work to help educate you and your pimps, please help me out by giving me some entertainment.

7. Stop using the whole "���� Brand NEW to ECCIE & Excited to Join ��Im a Breathtaking Gorgeous Whore Fantasy ������" emoji laden, super secret code word "seven13 two6five 1onetwo5" bullshit posts, and the "nothing in this post is to be taken as an offer of prostitution, and any contact with me enters you into a contract that confirms you are not law enforcement" bullshit. First, none of that shit works. Second, the goal here is to not look like all the other fat, black, Mexican, or illiterate whores that we already have here, so get rid of that shit. Three, none of that shit works.

8. Your starting rate should be a minimum of $250 per hour. That's mainly because it'll eliminate all the undesirable Mexican and black guys, and leave you with the Caucasians and Asians. Everyone knows the white guys are where the money is at, and everyone else knows that the Asians are the easiest ones to fleece because of their tiny dicks and premature ejaculations. Tell the Korean ones to lay off the kimchi for a few days before seeing you, and you'll be golden.

9. DON'T TAKE A SELFIE WITH A TOILET IN THE BACKGROUND, when you post your ad. On Backpage it's a sign of prosperity, that your pimp can afford a place with running water that hasn't been turned off this month, but here, no one is interested in your floating turds. There's enough Brown, Champagne induced turds floating around here for us all. Trust us.

10. Have a nice day.


This has been a public service announcement from your friendly neighborhood welcoming committee...and none of it applies to me, of course.

[Guest021817-2]

Wrong fourm.... Should be a stinky IN THE WELCOME WAGON

[maineblame]

6b. Since you're black, please tell your pimp to list "No AA allowed" or "I have an NBA policy" in your ad. I love seeing the black guys lose their damn minds over it. Since I'm doing all this work to help educate you and your pimps, please help me out by giving me some entertainment.


i admit that ur post is somewhat entertaining but at what cost from ur expression of disdain of AA Bruh?

BP women are all here in eccie but evovled into a more bidness savy provider.

[Guest021817-2]

Brack rash.... It's all about brack rash.

[Fancyinheels]

Sure, sticky it. Noooo, not like THAT! Awww, yuk, now the keyboard is gooey.

Love those bathroom pics, especially when the mirror hasn't been cleaned in a year and the vanity has more uncapped bottles and ratty hair tools cluttering it than a beauty supply after a fracking earthquake. Denotes such a welcoming, organized, healthy, hygienic hostess and hostel -- NOT.

[Alyssa XOXO]

And there it is.

[Grace Preston]

This is possibly the most educational thread you've started since the "You're not a BBW-- You're just fat" classic.

[DallasRain]

Originally Posted by GracePreston

This is possibly the most educational thread you've started since the "You're not a BBW-- You're just fat" classic.

Ditto..GREAT post WU!!

[Slitlikr]

You've wrongly assumed your target audience is literate.

[Hot to Trot Daphne]

Damn, this is what y'all have been reduced to. Please tell me what I have missed since I've been gone. I want to hear the story. * lies on stomach and crosses ankles*

[cabletex7]

^^^It's either this or watching Wolfie pissing into the wind. So, you haven't missed much. Same shit, different fucktard. Even DM appears to have said fuck this shit and significantly cut back on her throat punches. When you're surrounded by an unlimited number of zombies, you can only stab so many in the head before your go ah, Fuck It! Just bite me and get it over with, you motherfuckers.

[TheAntichrist666]

Lol

[cr76]

This made for an interesting read during my "morning glory"

[bbkid]

OP, you left out:

9a) Make sure you give out the EXACT address and hood apartment number BEFORE your john drives over. Just giving out the nearest intersection IS NOT an appointment.

9b) If your john is running a little late and you decide to bail, DO NOT admit you were hungry and you left to go to Subway.

[WolfWhistle]

You forgot to mention point 11.

11. If things don't work out for you in Eccie and with your pimp, you could always work at AMPs and get to meet WolfWhistle, the myth and the legend.