Anyone got any new jokes ???

[Guest092616]

Anyone got any new jokes ? Especially political, Trump or Hillary - I don't care ...or new blonde jokes or sex jokes or stories ? Come on, I know we have some VERY funny guys in our area. Thanks guys and..gals. Your friend. J.

[TexasFriendly]

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?

[knotty man]

Two cannibals are earing a clown.
One looks at the other and says.
Does this taste funny to you?

[Groovy Johnson]

When attacked by a gang of clowns...
go for the juggler.

[Groovy Johnson]

Dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

[Sexy Texan]

[LIST]Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?
Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!

If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?
The Trump Card[LIST]

[MuffinThumper]

The ambitious coach of a girl's track team gives the squad steroids. The team's performance soars. They win the county, state and eventually national championship. A few days before the Olympics Games, Penelope, a 16-year-old hurdler visits her coach and says "Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest". "What?" the coach says in a panic "How far down does it go?" Penelope replies "Down to my testicles. That's something else I want to talk to you about..."

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling" sobbed the wife "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What are we going to do?" "Well" replied the man "I guess a spanking is out of the question?"

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.

A bride tells her husband "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison". And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped". Turning on his side, he smiles and says "Then we will have to re-imprison him". After the second time, the bride says "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says "Honey, the prisoner escaped again" to which the husband yelled "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"

[TemptationTammie]

Originally Posted by knotty man

Two cannibals are earing a clown.
One looks at the other and says.
Does this taste funny to you?

Hmmmmmm. Not sure about "earing" a clown.
But.....
If I dress up like a clown, would you like to eat me?

[Guest092216]

Why don't Southern women like to have orgys?

Because they don't like having to write all those 'Thank You' cards.

[Guest092616]

Knotty man and Thn- yours are my favorite recent ones but good job on all of them ! I love to laugh!!!

[TexasFriendly]

OK. Barb and Judy catch the same elevator to their offices one day. They work in the same building but on different floors. Barb says to Judy, "It's been awhile since I've seen you, how have you been?"

Judy replies, "It's been a little rough lately. I had to sue my boss for sexual harassment."

"How terrible!" replied Barb. What happened?"

Judy said, "He said he liked the way my hair smelled."

Barb thought about for a second and said, "Well, that doesn't sound so bad. Why is that sexual harassment?"

Judy said, "He's a midget."

[TemptationTammie]

I like the Virginia bride one. Lol

[MuffinThumper]

After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies "I had sex with my teacher". She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him "I had sex with my teacher". The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds "No thanks, Dad. My butt still hurts".
--
A group of fathers are sitting around talking about their teenage daughters. One dad says "I think my 16 year old is smoking. I found an empty cigarette pack under her bed". All the other fathers say in unison "Oh no!" Then a second dad says "That's nothing. I found an empty liquor bottle under my 16 year old's bed". All the other fathers say in unison "Oh dear!" Then a third dad says "Mine's worse than both of those combined. I went into my 16 year old daughter's room and found a used condom". All the other fathers say in unison "Jesus Christ!" The third father replies "Yeah, I didn't know she had a dick!"
--
A representative for a condom company is on her way to a convention. While rushing through the airport, she drops the briefcase carrying her samples of condoms all over the floor. As she is stuffing all the condoms back into her briefcase, she notices tourists giving her crazy looks. "It's ok, she says "I'm doing a huge convention".

[MuffinThumper]

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable.

"Jane, do you know any multi-syllable words?" After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday. "Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon-day. Does anyone know another word?"

Johnny from the back of the room yells "I do! I do!" Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. "OK Mike, what is your word". "Saturday" says Mike. "Great. Sat-ur-day. That has three syllables..."

Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!" Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says "OK Johnny what is your four syllable word?"

Johnny proudly says "Mast-ur-ba-tion". Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful". "No Ma'am, you're thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables".

[Guest092616]

Muffin Thumper. You are a bad boy ! You need a spanking or 2... or 50 !
Really !!!