Tell your best jokes!

[dianaares_x]

Here are 2 I made up:

Q: What do you call a salty church?
A: A TaberNaCl

Q: How do alligators hit on ladies?
A: Hey girl, lemme bayou a drink.

[bobo1cg]

Originally Posted by dianaares_x

Here are 2 I made up:

Q: What do you call a salty church?
A: A TaberNaCl

Q: How do alligators hit on ladies?
A: Hey girl, lemme bayou a drink.

lol

[Dilbertgolf]

One of my faves:

An Irish priest is in a church on Saturday afternoon, hearing confessions...A man walks in and kneels down and begins his confession - Father, it has been two weeks since my last confession. These are my sins: Last night I had sex with Nookie Green.

That is your sin?

Yes, Father.

You are forgiven. Go out and say one "Our Father." The man leaves. Soon, another enters and kneels. Father, it has been one month since my last confession. These are my sins: I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month.

The priest thinks to himself this Nookie Green woman is fairly popular with his male parishioners...

Those are your sins?

Yes, Father.

You are forgiven. Go out and say three "Hail Marys." The man leaves.

Soon, another enters and kneels down. Father, it has been six months since my last confession. These are my sins: I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last six months.

This time, the priest has to ask - Who is this Nookie Green?

Just a woman I know, Father.

Very well - you are forgiven. Go out and say ten "Hail Marys."

The priest closes the church for the evening and leaves wondering who this Nookie Green woman is...

The next morning, the priest is up in front of his congregation saying mass. The doors fly open in the back of the church and in walks this woman, a tall redhead with long gorgeous hair, a green sequin dress, green sequined heels and a green hat with a long green feather coming from it. She walks straight up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest, her knees apart.

The priest cannot help but stop and stare. He finally catches himself and leans over to ask the altar boy - Pssssst. Is that Nookie Green?

The altar boy has a look and says, "No, Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes."

[dianaares_x]

Originally Posted by Dilbertgolf

One of my faves:

An Irish priest is in a church on Saturday afternoon, hearing confessions...A man walks in and kneels down and begins his confession - Father, it has been two weeks since my last confession. These are my sins: Last night I had sex with Nookie Green.

That is your sin?

Yes, Father.

You are forgiven. Go out and say one "Our Father." The man leaves. Soon, another enters and kneels. Father, it has been one month since my last confession. These are my sins: I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month.

The priest thinks to himself this Nookie Green woman is fairly popular with his male parishioners...

Those are your sins?

Yes, Father.

You are forgiven. Go out and say three "Hail Marys." The man leaves.

Soon, another enters and kneels down. Father, it has been six months since my last confession. These are my sins: I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last six months.

This time, the priest has to ask - Who is this Nookie Green?

Just a woman I know, Father.

Very well - you are forgiven. Go out and say ten "Hail Marys."

The priest closes the church for the evening and leaves wondering who this Nookie Green woman is...

The next morning, the priest is up in front of his congregation saying mass. The doors fly open in the back of the church and in walks this woman, a tall redhead with long gorgeous hair, a green sequin dress, green sequined heels and a green hat with a long green feather coming from it. She walks straight up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest, her knees apart.

The priest cannot help but stop and stare. He finally catches himself and leans over to ask the altar boy - Pssssst. Is that Nookie Green?

The altar boy has a look and says, "No, Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes."

HA! Love it!!

[Poppa_Viagra]

LOL it's a classic!

Two salesmen are drinking after a bad day at the car lot.

One says "If I don't sell some more cars this month I'll lose my ass"

A drunk blonde two stools down says "I know, buddy, if I don't sell some more ass this month I'll lose my car".

<rim shot>

A drunk at the far end of the bar hollers "Lawyers are assholes!"

A guy walks up to him, winds up and knocks him cleanly off his stool.

The drunk says "Are you a lawyer?"

The guy says "No, I'm an asshole."

<shepherd's crook removes comic, stage left>

[dianaares_x]

Originally Posted by Poppa_Viagra

LOL it's a classic!

Two salesmen are drinking after a bad day at the car lot.

One says "If I don't sell some more cars this month I'll lose my ass"

A drunk blonde two stools down says "I know, buddy, if I don't sell some more ass this month I'll lose my car".

<rim shot>

A drunk at the far end of the bar hollers "Lawyers are assholes!"

A guy walks up to him, winds up and knocks him cleanly off his stool.

The drunk says "Are you a lawyer?"

The guy says "No, I'm an asshole."

<shepherd's crook removes comic, stage left>

Awww, lawyers get all the love :P

[Lariyah_Cash]

Lol great jokes!

[dbjp101]

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?

Because she was a woman.

[want2c]

[Tina_Fontaine]

lmao

[TexTushHog]

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?" Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job." Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Jesus Christ! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!" The hooker says, "Do you see this ring on my finger with this huge diamond? The guy looked and it was a REALLY big diamond. And, I own it because I give a hand-job that's worth $500." Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try." They retire to a nearby motel.

A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?" The hooker replies, "$3,500." "$3,500? My God! No blow-job could be worth that. A televangelist wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!" The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that Ferrari just across the street? I that car outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $3,500." The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up."

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. In fact, he'd have payed twice as much for a blow job that good. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?" The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?" "Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"

"No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."

[Tina_Fontaine]

Originally Posted by TexTushHog

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?" Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job." Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Jesus Christ! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!" The hooker says, "Do you see this ring on my finger with this huge diamond? The guy looked and it was a REALLY big diamond. And, I own it because I give a hand-job that's worth $500." Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try." They retire to a nearby motel.

A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?" The hooker replies, "$3,500." "$3,500? My God! No blow-job could be worth that. A televangelist wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!" The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that Ferrari just across the street? I that car outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $3,500." The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up."

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. In fact, he'd have payed twice as much for a blow job that good. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?" The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?" "Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"

"No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."

OMG!😂💎😅😅😅😂 funniest joke I've heard in years!!!

[motor]

ok, here we go..................Little Johnny was in the park playing, he see a lady sitting on the bench crying. So, he walks over and says hey lady why you crying? The lady said well, I lost my pet cat yesterday and I am sad.The lady said I sure do miss him, I wish I had another just like him. Little Johnny looked at her and said what would you do with two dead cats?

[L.A.]

Take my wife......please.

[chibbwluvr]

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?


See you next month.