Dirty Limericks. Someone has to lighten the mood and be politically incorrect!

[ElisabethWhispers]

I have been reading this section and getting bogged down with political discussions and the sort. While that's fine, occasionally it's good to laugh and be ... bawdy. Do you agree?

A remarkable race are the Persians,
They have such peculiar diversions.
They screw the whole day
In the regular way,
And save up the nights for perversions.

There was a young sailor from Brighton
Who remarked to his girl, "you're a tight one'"
She replied, "Pon my soul,
You're in the wrong hole;
There's plenty of room in the right one."
1870 (folks must have been naughty then as well!)

A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she'd 'just take a chance.'
She let herself go, For an hour or so,
And now all her sisters are aunts.

There was a young man from Iraq.
Who played the bass viol with his cock.
With tremendous erections,
He could perform selections
From Johann Sebastian Bach.

There was a young lady whose mind
Was never especially refined.
She got on her knees,
Her lover to please,
Who stuck in his prick from behind.

There was a young warrior of Parma
Who got into bed with a charmer.
She - naturally - nude,
Said, "Don't think of me rude,
But I DO wish you'd take off your armor."

There was another young fellow from China
Whose sense of verse was much finer.
He thought it divine
To end the last line
Quite suddenly.

Hugs,
Elisabeth

P.S. Resources: Internet, Big Little Book of Playboy Limericks, and The Limerick Book by Graeme Johnstone and Elsie Agnes Allen.

[pjorourke]

[discreetgent]

The classic:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
Wiping sperm from his chin
If my ear was a cunt I could Fuck it!

[Clerkenwell]

The Texas School Book Depository
- a sort of Dallas suppository -
in your national arse
this continuing farce
a shit-storm to smell so conspiratory

[offshoredrilling]

http://www.lala.com/#artist/John_Valby

But it sure is great when your favorite date calls you up tells ya her period ant late.

As the end of the month rolls around.





Father singing to the boyfriend:



Was it you that did the pushin
left the stains upon the cushion

foot prints on the dashboard upside down...



Was it you you sly woodpecker

that got into my daughter Rebecca

if it was you you better leave this town...



The Reply:



Yes was I that did the pushin

left the stains upon the cushion

foot prints on the dashboard upside down...



But since I got into you're daughter

I've had trouble passin water

so I guess we're even all around...

ps that link dos not work all the time. and will close may 31 2010. google john valby.


Well i thought a crotch is kinda laid back,
watchin them peckers tryin to get in her crack,
im gettin messy when there slippin off the track.
thank god im a pubic hair
So she fluffs me upwhen shes goin on a date.
washes the inside when shes guna masterbate.
scratches me to death cause her periods late.
thank god im a pubic hair.
When shes not really horny, she uses vaseline.
Takes a little shower and rubs me clean.
I appreciate it when im coverd with cream.
Thank god im a pubic hair.
well i like it when they eat but i dont like when they diddle.
i get crushed when there pounding on her middle.
curl right up when she takes a little piddle,
thank god im a pubic hair!

[ElisabethWhispers]

Catriona, a pretty young lass
Had a truly magnificent ass.
Not rounded and pink
As you possibly think
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

[offshoredrilling]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFnv4...eature=related

found a better link. This takes you to many songs. This one is realy bad. As I have seen him live. Half of the girls leave as he sing this song. And at the end he would say look around guys. The girls still here are the ones you want to date.

ps: forgot before he dos this song he will give a warning that it will pissoff many girls

[ElisabethWhispers]

Originally Posted by offshoredrilling

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFnv4...eature=related

found a better link. This takes you to many songs. This one is realy bad. As I have seen him live. Half of the girls leave as he sing this song. And at the end he would say look around guys. The girls still here are the ones you want to date.

ps: forgot before he dos this song he will give a warning that it will pissoff many girls

Sometimes this crude stuff IS kindof funny. But it's not a limerick. A limerick has five lines and a certain "beat" to it. Generally, they can be pretty naughty.

Here's another one to illustrate:

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
In space that is quite economical,
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

Thanks for the link, though. I can understand two things, honestly. One, I can understand women leaving his show because the lyrics and intent are quite debasing. But two, people need to lighten up some because there is some fun in being gross in that fashion.

Reminds me a little of Dallas's Bowley and Wilson who had a comedy club for years on Greenville Avenue. One of the best songs was "baby shit" and another one ... I don't remember the name but the main chorus was, "Lucy had a pussy like a havelina hog". I guess that you had to be there. It was gut wrenching funny at the time.

Hope you enjoyed the above limerick.

Hugs,
Elisabeth

[offshoredrilling]

most of his other songs are not as bad. Some of his songs are singing one limerick after another. In discreetgent post #2. That limerick is use in one of his songs. So in my #5 "was it you" is a poem. And the next one song to john denver "thank god I'm a country boy" is almost a limerick? ok I need to find one of the songs that is a one limerick after another.

edit: found it JOHN VALBY - DR DIRTY - LIMERICKS
Hope this is what you are looking for. It also has some funny knock-knock jokes. And again some just bad and wrong.