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JHurt1968 · 01-18-2012, 10:14 PM

I'm posting this here because I would like opinions/suggestions from both sides of the fence. Not totally sure that I'm behaving in an honorable manner.

There is a provider that I've been seeing on a fairly regular basis over the last 2 months. I've never written a review on her because she is very much UTR. I met her through a retired provider that I still keep in touch with. I've seen her 6 times total and every one of them has been great.

Last week after recovering from our visit we were lying in bed talking and our mutual love of the deserts at a local restaurant came up. We ended up going there and spent 3 hours talking. She has texted or called me every day since. I didn't mind because I really enjoy her company. I called her yesterday to set up a visit because I still had a bad taste in my mouth over a lousy session I had with another provider the previous night. We agreed to meet up in the early evening. An hour before I called to find out where she had her incall. She asked me if I had dinner plans and I told her I didn't. She had me come over to her house for dinner before our activities.

At first I was a little reluctant to agree to it but then I figured why not, it was a nice gesture. I get there and she had the mood set-dim lights, candles, Coltrane and Miles playing on the stereo. We had a great time talking and laughing. Wonderful cook on top of it all. Between dinner, hanging out, and BCD I was there for 5 hours. When we had our session she did a couple of things that she hadn't done before. She is GFE with certain restrictions. Last night most of the restrictions were lifted. She let me do FUHA and we finished with CIM. Usually the backdoor is off limits and I either finish up with COB or HJ (In case anyone is wondering FS was still covered and she didn't offer otherwise). She also did MSOG; usually it's only one pop. At first I thought she was just giving me a special session to make up for the shitty one I had the night before. She then strongly hinted that I was free to stay the night if I wanted to. I had stuff to do this morning so I politely passed.

Today she has called or texted me a few times. I didn't mind but I was a little concerned. She then asked me to come over again tonight so she could cook for me. I passed because I had plans. She then said that I should go over later for "desert". I told her no that I was tapped out financially after 3 appointments in a weeks time (usually I only hobby once a week). She said something to the effect of, "We can figure out payment later." I declined and she sounded disappointed. Just got a text from her asking me to go over and take a bubble bath with her followed by a picture of her in the tub. I called back and asked what was on her mind. She didn't flat out say it but I got the impression that she likes me.

Now I don't know what to do. I like her and enjoy her company but the big reason I hobby is because of the crazy hours I tend to work. I don't have time for any romantic hassles. I also don't think I could date a provider. No judgement call on any of the ladies its just when I have had a SO in the past all my hobbying ceased. I like monogamy and can't imagine juggling 2-3 girlfriends at once. How do I let her know that I'm not interested in anything romantic and would like to keep the relationship friendly and professional without hurting her? I would hate to lose her as one of my regular girls because I do enjoy spending time with her. I guess I want my cake and be able to eat it too but I suspect it's not going to be possible.

shorty · 01-18-2012, 10:34 PM

First thing to do, is see how serious she is. One way to do this is to see if she would like to do something but mention your tapped out for the month. If she offers it for free and continues to offer it, then she's interested in you. If she says, Why don't we set-up a monthly or weekly deal, then she's not real serious about a relationship. Once a lady decides not to charge you, then it becomes personal. Anything other than that, its strictly business.

CummingsLane · 01-18-2012, 10:46 PM

Go ahead and enjoy yourself. You never know what happens unless you take the plunge (pun intended lol) . Hope it works out for the best sounds like she really likes you .

Quote:

Originally Posted by JHurt1968

I'm posting this here because I would like opinions/suggestions from both sides of the fence. Not totally sure that I'm behaving in an honorable manner.

There is a provider that I've been seeing on a fairly regular basis over the last 2 months. I've never written a review on her because she is very much UTR. I met her through a retired provider that I still keep in touch with. I've seen her 6 times total and every one of them has been great.

Last week after recovering from our visit we were lying in bed talking and our mutual love of the deserts at a local restaurant came up. We ended up going there and spent 3 hours talking. She has texted or called me every day since. I didn't mind because I really enjoy her company. I called her yesterday to set up a visit because I still had a bad taste in my mouth over a lousy session I had with another provider the previous night. We agreed to meet up in the early evening. An hour before I called to find out where she had her incall. She asked me if I had dinner plans and I told her I didn't. She had me come over to her house for dinner before our activities.

At first I was a little reluctant to agree to it but then I figured why not, it was a nice gesture. I get there and she had the mood set-dim lights, candles, Coltrane and Miles playing on the stereo. We had a great time talking and laughing. Wonderful cook on top of it all. Between dinner, hanging out, and BCD I was there for 5 hours. When we had our session she did a couple of things that she hadn't done before. She is GFE with certain restrictions. Last night most of the restrictions were lifted. She let me do FUHA and we finished with CIM. Usually the backdoor is off limits and I either finish up with COB or HJ (In case anyone is wondering FS was still covered and she didn't offer otherwise). She also did MSOG; usually it's only one pop. At first I thought she was just giving me a special session to make up for the shitty one I had the night before. She then strongly hinted that I was free to stay the night if I wanted to. I had stuff to do this morning so I politely passed.

Today she has called or texted me a few times. I didn't mind but I was a little concerned. She then asked me to come over again tonight so she could cook for me. I passed because I had plans. She then said that I should go over later for "desert". I told her no that I was tapped out financially after 3 appointments in a weeks time (usually I only hobby once a week). She said something to the effect of, "We can figure out payment later." I declined and she sounded disappointed. Just got a text from her asking me to go over and take a bubble bath with her followed by a picture of her in the tub. I called back and asked what was on her mind. She didn't flat out say it but I got the impression that she likes me.

Now I don't know what to do. I like her and enjoy her company but the big reason I hobby is because of the crazy hours I tend to work. I don't have time for any romantic hassles. I also don't think I could date a provider. No judgement call on any of the ladies its just when I have had a SO in the past all my hobbying ceased. I like monogamy and can't imagine juggling 2-3 girlfriends at once. How do I let her know that I'm not interested in anything romantic and would like to keep the relationship friendly and professional without hurting her? I would hate to lose her as one of my regular girls because I do enjoy spending time with her. I guess I want my cake and be able to eat it too but I suspect it's not going to be possible.

Shayla · 01-18-2012, 11:17 PM

Don't beat around the bush. Just be honest otherwise it's going to be nothing but head aches.

samantha thom · 01-18-2012, 11:33 PM

I don't know about you...but clinginess is a big turn-off for me.

JHurt1968 · 01-18-2012, 11:52 PM

Just got off the phone with her again and she flat out told me she would like to see if we could make a relationship work. I didn't know what to say so I just told her I didn't know just yet.

Shayla, you're absolutely right about not beating around the bush. My problem is this-whenever I try to tell someone something they don't want to hear or aren't going to like, I come off a bit harsh. I think I'm saying it nicely but somewhere between my brain and my mouth whatever I'm going to say comes out mean. I don't know why it just does. Any provider I have a good relationship with I try to treat with the utmost respect. I do not want to hurt this woman's feelings anymore than I have to.

anaximander · 01-19-2012, 12:22 AM

You aren't married so why not?

Your work has odd hours.
What a coincy so does she.

She is probably starved for genuine
reciprocal affection from someone
she wants it from.

Most normal girls in the RW know
who you want rarely wants you in
the same depth of manner.

These girls on the otherhand are used
to getting what they want. Once the
money issue is not an issue they get
pretty goofy. The prettier the goofier.

I'd go with it but oddly as shayla pointed out
you got to be honest; in this adultery scene
it is the only trust there is.

Guest120615-3 · 01-19-2012, 12:36 AM

If you are not interested in any type of relationship, there is no way you can continue to see her. She has admittedly moved beyond the bonds of a professional relationship and seeks more than you're willing to give. The emotions of your situation can only get dangerous.

If you do feel likewise, then go for it. People are people so don't hold yourself back because she's a provider. If you enjoy her company, take the relationship at a pace you're comfortable and be honest with her.

Remember, that it just can't go back to being a transaction.

Shayla · 01-19-2012, 12:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JHurt1968

Shayla, you're absolutely right about not beating around the bush. My problem is this-whenever I try to tell someone something they don't want to hear or aren't going to like, I come off a bit harsh. I think I'm saying it nicely but somewhere between my brain and my mouth whatever I'm going to say comes out mean. I don't know why it just does. Any provider I have a good relationship with I try to treat with the utmost respect. I do not want to hurt this woman's feelings anymore than I have to.

You met her under circumstances where you paying for a service and that was it. It's not like you met her through a dating site. She is the one that over-stepped boundaries by even suggesting a relationship. That is not why men see escorts...
If you want to be "nice" say that you want to continue seeing her as a provider because you like her services and spending time with her. Explain you don't have the time for a relationship and that is why you won't pursue one.
If you did, I assume you would feel that you're taking advantage of her by coming and going as you please and getting "free" benefits.
Don't feel guilty, you're not doing anything wrong by telling her the truth. If anything, you're doing her a favour.

*GoddessDallas* · 01-19-2012, 05:43 AM

You are an adult.
Sit down with her, look her in the face, and tell her like you have told an entire forum that you don't want a romantic relationship with her.
Quit giving her false hopes.
Print off this article you have in the forum here and just give it to HER.
If you like her, give her that much respect to tell her.

Old-T · 01-19-2012, 05:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shayla

You met her under circumstances where you paying for a service and that was it. It's not like you met her through a dating site. She is the one that over-stepped boundaries by even suggesting a relationship. That is not why men see escorts...
If you want to be "nice" say that you want to continue seeing her as a provider because you like her services and spending time with her. Explain you don't have the time for a relationship and that is why you won't pursue one.
If you did, I assume you would feel that you're taking advantage of her by coming and going as you please and getting "free" benefits.
Don't feel guilty, you're not doing anything wrong by telling her the truth. If anything, you're doing her a favour.

Quote:

Originally Posted by *GoddessDallas*

You are an adult.
Sit down with her, look her in the face, and tell her like you have told an entire forum that you don't want a romantic relationship with her.
Quit giving her false hopes.
Print off this article you have in the forum here and just give it to HER.
If you like her, give her that much respect to tell her.

Be honest with yourself, be honest with her. She didn't do this to hurt you, you obviously don't want to hurt her. The longer you delay the more it will hurt both of you. Reading your OP, you know the right things to say. Do it sincerely, do it talking to a friend. It may or may not end all contact between you, but extending a situation where the two people have different goals/expectations is not a good thing to continue.

You may be very surprised where it goes, each situation is different. I've had that discussion twice, once from each side. Please feel free to PM if you wish.

Outdoorsman · 01-19-2012, 06:37 AM

It is not worth the cost to continue to see her, even professionally. If you continue BCD activities, even paid for, you are misleading her and giving her false hope of a relationship that will never transpire. It appears very clear to me you do not love her and you are not interested in pursuing her. Thus, do yourself and her a favor by letting her go. If you are a friend of hers you will understand her emotions and do the right thing by letting her go. When we as humans stop thinking of our own selfish wants and we do the right thing by those we care for, even like only as a friend, we end up happier in the long run, so look and see if you are just being selfish with someone you like but do not love.

While it may be flattering to you that this lady is enamered with you and it may help you feel good about yourself when you see her, you are only setting yourself up for immense future pain for the both of you. Beleive it or not you will feel guilt and remorse when the day finally comes that you tell her to go away and that day will come if you do not love her.

The best way to let her go, and it will hurt her, is to be honest and explain to her you have to distance yourself, meaning, no more texts, no more phone calls, no more dinners, and no more BCD. You stated it, you want your cake and eat it too. Hell, who doesn't? But in this life that rarely is available to us. This is just my .02, sometimes I do not even follow my own advise even though I know it will be the most prudent path, lol. And you know what? I end up hurt in the long run and I end up hurting others I care for, just my experiences. Good luck

sixxbach · 01-19-2012, 06:49 AM

Run to the hills dude...

sixx

Gucci · 01-19-2012, 07:39 AM

If she's understanding about your job and still wants a relationship can you be "just as " understanding about her job ?

Still Looking · 01-19-2012, 07:53 AM

JHurt, the answer is very simple! Your getting OTC time that is normally never or seldom offered. It happens to me as well. But I ALWAYS pay for the pussy! Business is Business! That way there is always an understanding what the relationship is all about! If you getting free pussy, well it’s not free. It’s great to have friends, but if your friend is giving you free pussy that’s no longer a friend, that’s a relationship! Let the games begin!