Weird shit on Dallas public transportation

[Violador Mi Amor]

So I was a bit early to check into my airbnb. I was in south Dallas in a predominantly black ghetto. I decided to get on the train and explore a bit. I got off at a stop a couple miles south of my airbnb. I noticed how all the houses were run down and there was trash strewn everywhere. So after dining on some fast food, I decided to throw my trash on the ground too. Hey, when in Rome do as the Romans do, right?

I went to a supermarket and took a shit. It was a normal and unremarkable shit. The bathroom, for a ghetto supermarket, was surprisingly clean.

I got back on the train and decided I would check out the area by its final destination, University of North Texas. Then it hit me.... I had to shit again. This happens quite a bit. First I will take a solid shit then 20 minutes later Ill have to shit again, this time diarrhea. The train stopped. I looked around desperately for a fast food restaurant or something. I saw none....just pine trees, a parking lot, and the campus off in the far, far distance.

I began to panic. It is difficult trying to piss or shit around train stops because theres always a cop around. I didnt see any.....but I would have to lug a heavy suitcase and heavy backpack with me across the parking lot to get to a place to shit away from public eye. I seriously began to contemplate shitting on the floor of the train. There was no one in the car I was in. I saw in the next car there was an elderly lady who would be unlikely to notice. One time I had urinated in a city bus, while I was its only passenger. But I had never had to shit on public transportation. I looked around nervously for a camera, like a crackhead looks around before taking a hit of crack. I could see no cameras.

I got off the bus, nervously grimacing as I walked by a couple train employees. I let out a couple farts as I was walking by them. They had to have noticed. I was worried that I had sharted. I lugged my luggage an agonizing distance towards a secluded area of the parking lot. I dropped my bags and ran into the brush.....it was thorny, and the trees were pine. The dry small tree branches picked at me as I tried to secure an area to do my business.

I struggled to pull down my size 34 jeans which are quite tight on me. Finally! They arrived at my ankles. I backed my ass up to a pine tree and defecated. The color and consistency was as if someone had put a pumpkin pie in a blender.

Now what was I to wipe my ass with? I had no spare roll of toilet paper, which I usually carry around because this stuff happens quite a bit. There were pine needles everywhere. Couldnt wipe with those! The bus schedule I had in my pocket might work! I wiped my ass on the glossy paper making sure to avoid the staples. But this could not get the job done. I walked to my suitcase and grabbed some socks. They were made by a brand called Gold Toe which is sold by JC Penney. Well, they would turn into light brown toe now!

I emerged from the dense pine brush after doing my business. I relaxedly made my way back to the train.

[darkwader]

congratulations. people pay good money to travel overseas for that experience.

[dallaswill]

What if you had dropped a loose stool in the train and I had stepped in it, slipped, and injured myself?
Another reason not to ride DART.

[LordHelmet]

made me laugh...but sounds like a load of crap

[corona]

so, thanks?

[Caylus17]

This sounds like bullshit, but if it’s not... wtf is your problem? Thank god everyone isn’t like you or we’d live in a fucking cesspool.

[Violador Mi Amor]

It's not bullshit. If it was bullshit I would've told you that I shat on the trai.

[Caylus17]

Originally Posted by Violador Mi Amor

It's not bullshit. If it was bullshit I would've told you that I shat on the trai.

Then clause two of my comment kicks in...

[Violador Mi Amor]

The problem? Sometimes it's hard to find a bathroom. It must be really bad for the homeless.

[TexTushHog]

Not sure what the purpose of this post is, but since you opted to share, you should see your internist. This degree of urgency this frequently isn't normal and could be caused by a number of conditions, some of which are serious and some of which are reasonably well treated.

[Violador Mi Amor]

Well I like to eat pizza, mexican food, barbecue, and burgers. I like beer and liquor. I have also snorted "Colombian powdered sugar" which is occasionally cut with baby laxative.

[lgbsfu]

I think it's just because he's full of shit.

[Violador Mi Amor]

If you don't believe me go to the UNT parking lot South Dallas location. In the pines you will see tried up liquid turds, 2 discarded dirty socks, and a discarded dirty bus schedule.

[Analeese]

Why did you just have to share such a shitty story..

[Dittychaser]

Didn't think there were any pine forests in the Dallas area.