Powerful Women

[NinaBrooke]

I loved to read Veronica`s new article today.
Raw and simple and thought triggering.... Will contemplate later on this, now gotta run. I am looking forward to fruitful discussions on this topic

http://veronicamonet.wordpress.com/2...owerful-women/

Powerful Women
By Veronica Monet
I have found it to be quite true, that men of a certain type of power and success, can be easily intimidated by female power. For instance, they often marry vapid women who are more interested in their money than them. So many of my clients expressed a sense of entitlement regarding their wives – they were providing for them so they didn’t feel incongruent about “cheating” on them. I often asked individual men if they thought their wife was also stepping outside the marriage. The very idea would often elicit a scoff as almost every man had convinced himself that only he would engage in such behavior.

What I found particularly intriguing was how many of these same men hungered for a sexual companion who was anything but malleable. It led me to begin referring to this phenomena in this way:

Our culture prefers that Wives are Dumb and Docile but that does nothing for the Libido. Men may want wives and girlfriends who are easily controlled but in bed they prefer a companion who is powerful and challenging. It is the electricity of some level of intellectual and emotional challenge which drives desire. This is why the Patriarchy requires the Whore/Madonna Complex: a splitting of femininity into two camps so that women feel compelled to pick a side and thereby deny half of their reality as a whole human.

There is a beautiful movie entitled Dangerous Beauty. It is about the life of a Renaissance courtesan from Venice, named Veronica Franco. The movie illustrates perfectly the choice women faced of that time between being accepted as a person worthy of marriage (wives were not allowed to read, write or pursue an education) and being a free woman fully empowered to delve into domains normally reserved for men. Veronica Franco was simply too independent and intelligent to be a wife and her mother despaired for her future, so she instructed her in the ways of a courtesan. As a courtesan, Veronica Franco, learned to read and debate men in conversation. She took up fencing and she wrote her memoirs. This was a life of power reserved for courtesans. The price for admission was living outside the protection and approval of society.

Today, we speak of prostitutes as if they all live and work in the squalor of the streets. The fact is that the majority of modern prostitutes operate from their homes discreetly supplementing their incomes and/or financing their dreams, whether that is an education, a sole proprietorship or perhaps their art. They too, are women who are not satisfied with the “good girl” role. They probably feel stifled and silenced and confined by popular feminine behavior. And breaking free of that provides a sense of power they have rarely experienced in other contexts.

It isn’t all sunshine and roses. There are possible arrests and evictions and serial rapists who love to prey upon sex workers because the law affords almost no protection for a “fallen woman.” But for some, the risks are worth it. Anyone who thinks it is just about sex doesn’t understand this fatal split in the feminine. Anyone who thinks is it just about money, doesn’t understand how deeply many humans crave freedom of expression. Sex work is about sex and it is about work, but more importantly it is about breaking free of the rules which dictate women are either “good” or “bad” – either worthy of protection or worthy of persecution.

Few sex workers relate to this on a conscious level, unless they are sex worker rights activists or sacred prostitutes. But I have seen the light in the eyes of women just contemplating sex for money and they look positively excited and energized with the anticipation of what that might feel like and look like for them. I always caution them about the down side – the risk and the illegality and the very real prices I have paid for my choice. I don’t choose to encourage anyone to do something with such a high price tag. But once a woman has crossed that line and experienced her power to reject the shame bestowed upon the “whore” she will likely never be able to return to ways of being in this world which require her to repress her true feelings.

That doesn’t mean she won’t move on to another profession at some point. It does mean that she will be very unlikely to work for an employer once she has tasted her independence. It can also translate to putting up with less domination or abuse from men in general. The woman who has been paid for her companionship is much less likely to put up with anything she doesn’t enjoy or appreciate in a personal relationship. Of course this generalization does not apply to street prostitutes who enter the business under the tutelage of an abusive pimp. Nor does it necessarily apply to prostitutes who work in legal brothels because by definition they have abusive employers. But for your average middle-class, college educated escort, independence of thought and action becomes a privilege few are willing to sacrifice for the approving nods of the masses.

[Iaintliein]

Aw yes, the perceptions perpetrated by the propaganda machine.

I remember watching an interview with a detective who had just heroically rescued the community from blow jobs. "We are really doing these young ladies a service. I doubt any of them grew up dreaming of being prostitutes," he said, as I thought, "Gee, I wonder how many night clerks at convenience stores grew up dreaming of being night clerks in convenience stores?".

[Jasleen Sejour]

Nina,

Empowering and insightful article by Veronica Monet. I especially liked the part where she states

"once a woman has crossed that line and experienced her power to reject the shame bestowed upon the “whore” she will likely never be able to return to ways of being in this world which require her to repress her true feelings".

This is true, at least for me. Having chosen to enter into this line of work has been one of the most liberating moments in my life thus far. To make the "choice" to do what I do without having to answer to a manager (pimp) in the 9-5 world has enabled me to structure a life that is negotiated on my terms only, know one else.

The label of whore often used as a pejorative has interestingly been reclaimed or turned around by many women in the industry and feminist alike thus having a different connotation, one that represents an independent woman who chooses to live by her rules, apart from the traditional roles women in general have been assigned to over the years.

There is another article debating the usage of (whore) entitled
"Whore" is an acceptable, sexist, term except when it's not,”

An interesting read on the politics of being a whore outside of the bedroom.

Yazzy.

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by yazminaariel

The label of whore often used as a pejorative has interestingly been reclaimed or turned around by many women in the industry and feminist alike thus having a different connotation, one that represents an independent woman who chooses to live by her rules, apart from the traditional roles women in general have been assigned to over the years.

There is another article debating the usage of (whore) entitled
"Whore" is an acceptable, sexist, term except when it's not,”

An interesting read on the politics of being a whore outside of the bedroom.

Yazzy.

Thanks Yazzy for your story and thanks for pointing out the use of words like "whore" in a subculture. I do that quite often and it seems to me that some people don`t understand the cynical notion when they tell me its derogatory :-) (lol). Its only derogatory because its coined that way in heteronormativity and its reaches into the sexual sphere, where only plain vanilla romantic sexual happenings between a hetero couple (best married and mono) is condoned.

There are words like "the ethical slut" also for that reasons. Meg Barker has done extensive research into the recoining the meaning of once derogatory words within subcultures as a means of empowerment for these people.

[Tiffani Jameson]

Great finds, Nina and Yazzy!

The reason why so few ladies relate to this concept is because of the traditionalist (or heteronormative) thought that a lady must let the man lead in order to have a successful relationship, business, and overall life. Words like whore were meant to strike shame in a woman, of what not to be.

Like the character in Dangerous Beauty, my mother told me verbatum, that I am not vulnerable enough to be an acceptable catch for a man, and that I should 'hold back' on the intelligence module and be quiet and agree. I have yet to be married or silenced. I have only had one man in my civilian life to not view me as a threat to his manhood. He was brilliant, but he still asked for my opinion basically because he recognized the differences in our thought processes. The others spent their time trying to prove me wrong.

With our submissive mothers whispering in our ears and the lack of sex-positive female role models and minimal involvement of fathers in a lady's life, some turn to male managers. Our young women are so confused about themselves and what is supposed to be. But women are so smart, and I am positive with time that women will rediscover their power.

[whitechocolate]

Prostitution throughout all of history and into biblical times has always been viewed in a "schizophrenic" manner. Well educated "classy" prostitutes have often gained respect, power and wealth while lower class uneducated prostitutes (strreet whores or those in brothels) were viewed negatively. Sex in general and as seen in our advertising etc is promoted on one hand and then attacked on the other. It is not surprising then that many very sexual women are totally confused. Women who can get beyond this "schizophrenic" societal approach to sex and find a comfortable and successful niche as an escort should be applauded.

[Leah Ireland]

Originally Posted by ninasastri

I loved to read Veronica`s new article today.
Raw and simple and thought triggering.... Will contemplate later on this, now gotta run. I am looking forward to fruitful discussions on this topic

http://veronicamonet.wordpress.com/2...owerful-women/

Powerful Women
By Veronica Monet
I have found it to be quite true, that men of a certain type of power and success, can be easily intimidated by female power. For instance, they often marry vapid women who are more interested in their money than them. So many of my clients expressed a sense of entitlement regarding their wives – they were providing for them so they didn’t feel incongruent about “cheating” on them. I often asked individual men if they thought their wife was also stepping outside the marriage. The very idea would often elicit a scoff as almost every man had convinced himself that only he would engage in such behavior.

What I found particularly intriguing was how many of these same men hungered for a sexual companion who was anything but malleable. It led me to begin referring to this phenomena in this way:

Our culture prefers that Wives are Dumb and Docile but that does nothing for the Libido. Men may want wives and girlfriends who are easily controlled but in bed they prefer a companion who is powerful and challenging. It is the electricity of some level of intellectual and emotional challenge which drives desire. This is why the Patriarchy requires the Whore/Madonna Complex: a splitting of femininity into two camps so that women feel compelled to pick a side and thereby deny half of their reality as a whole human.

There is a beautiful movie entitled Dangerous Beauty. It is about the life of a Renaissance courtesan from Venice, named Veronica Franco. The movie illustrates perfectly the choice women faced of that time between being accepted as a person worthy of marriage (wives were not allowed to read, write or pursue an education) and being a free woman fully empowered to delve into domains normally reserved for men. Veronica Franco was simply too independent and intelligent to be a wife and her mother despaired for her future, so she instructed her in the ways of a courtesan. As a courtesan, Veronica Franco, learned to read and debate men in conversation. She took up fencing and she wrote her memoirs. This was a life of power reserved for courtesans. The price for admission was living outside the protection and approval of society.

Today, we speak of prostitutes as if they all live and work in the squalor of the streets. The fact is that the majority of modern prostitutes operate from their homes discreetly supplementing their incomes and/or financing their dreams, whether that is an education, a sole proprietorship or perhaps their art. They too, are women who are not satisfied with the “good girl” role. They probably feel stifled and silenced and confined by popular feminine behavior. And breaking free of that provides a sense of power they have rarely experienced in other contexts.

It isn’t all sunshine and roses. There are possible arrests and evictions and serial rapists who love to prey upon sex workers because the law affords almost no protection for a “fallen woman.” But for some, the risks are worth it. Anyone who thinks it is just about sex doesn’t understand this fatal split in the feminine. Anyone who thinks is it just about money, doesn’t understand how deeply many humans crave freedom of expression. Sex work is about sex and it is about work, but more importantly it is about breaking free of the rules which dictate women are either “good” or “bad” – either worthy of protection or worthy of persecution.

Few sex workers relate to this on a conscious level, unless they are sex worker rights activists or sacred prostitutes. But I have seen the light in the eyes of women just contemplating sex for money and they look positively excited and energized with the anticipation of what that might feel like and look like for them. I always caution them about the down side – the risk and the illegality and the very real prices I have paid for my choice. I don’t choose to encourage anyone to do something with such a high price tag. But once a woman has crossed that line and experienced her power to reject the shame bestowed upon the “whore” she will likely never be able to return to ways of being in this world which require her to repress her true feelings.

That doesn’t mean she won’t move on to another profession at some point. It does mean that she will be very unlikely to work for an employer once she has tasted her independence. It can also translate to putting up with less domination or abuse from men in general. The woman who has been paid for her companionship is much less likely to put up with anything she doesn’t enjoy or appreciate in a personal relationship. Of course this generalization does not apply to street prostitutes who enter the business under the tutelage of an abusive pimp. Nor does it necessarily apply to prostitutes who work in legal brothels because by definition they have abusive employers. But for your average middle-class, college educated escort, independence of thought and action becomes a privilege few are willing to sacrifice for the approving nods of the masses.

Si.

Freedome is expensive.

[WTF]

There are powerful women in all fields....I do not think the whole article a crock of chit but let's be real, it is slanted for sure.

Why not say that people in powerful positions take advantage of that fact. Not just men but women. Articles like this pit women vs. men when in fact it should be iniquity as a whole.

Sorry ladies , I'm not on board.

[NinaBrooke]

I agree WTF to a certain extent and what strikes me as interesting is - if a marriage makes people the way they are because you submit to a certain role in society and therefor adapt socially to standards (often unconsciousnessly) because being a wive or a husband means different things than being a whore or a lover.

This is where the article is biased in my opinion. It might well be, and has been at least my experience , that men who like vapid women also "make " them this way or influence them this way. I don`t think all wives are vapid women, and i don`t think all lvoers are women in control. I have seen dumb lovers as well and extremely intelligent wives.

I am also aware of the fact (here comes queer theory again) that women do not only participate in two roles that patriarchy has given them, there are many more. Some for example decide not to cater to male`s fantasies at all. Neither as in the role of the wive or the lover(whore).
I think the whole distinction between lovers and wives is made by men for men, and if women cater to that, its their lack. I don`t agree with the notion that women have to learn to identify themselves with two sides of that story, but rather don`t care so much in general what men want and think, and what kind of women they want in the bedroom. The most successful relationships i have seen is where the women are independent (not only financially or not necessarily financially) but they are also independent from defining their self worth via the appreciation of men.

Also it underestimates the fact that many people participating in sexwork also cater to heteronormative ideals . Not every escort likes to be out in the open or has the guts to be out in the open.
I do think that the article is right on historical facts, Escorts were the first women that were "free" and often with the risk of being social outcasts .

I disagree with the notion that women in brothels are exploited by nature. Not necessarily the case. Its a matter of how a system works. When something is legal, the providing of resources is different. That is all.

I also don`t see the reverse notion as free from flaws that independent escorts translate their independence into the main areas of their life and it means being free from abusive men and abusive relationships. Not the case. Often i have seen exactly the other way around. Being an escort does not aoutomatically transfer into normal life. It can make relationships more complicated. Not every man accepts what you are doing. Some of them are clients turned lovers, which makes them a freebie ride not necessarily supporting you.That is the worst case scenarios.

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by Tiffani Jameson

Great finds, Nina and Yazzy!

The reason why so few ladies relate to this concept is because of the traditionalist (or heteronormative) thought that a lady must let the man lead in order to have a successful relationship, business, and overall life. Words like whore were meant to strike shame in a woman, of what not to be.

Like the character in Dangerous Beauty, my mother told me verbatum, that I am not vulnerable enough to be an acceptable catch for a man, and that I should 'hold back' on the intelligence module and be quiet and agree. I have yet to be married or silenced. I have only had one man in my civilian life to not view me as a threat to his manhood. He was brilliant, but he still asked for my opinion basically because he recognized the differences in our thought processes. The others spent their time trying to prove me wrong.

With our submissive mothers whispering in our ears and the lack of sex-positive female role models and minimal involvement of fathers in a lady's life, some turn to male managers. Our young women are so confused about themselves and what is supposed to be. But women are so smart, and I am positive with time that women will rediscover their power.

Hi,
I can relate to what you say here , you make great points. Sometimes men have also the age gap between women which makes women more submissive. I can relate to that also because i frequently dated very much older men and have just recently started dating two men about my age which is a totally different experience. Of course when young you think about a relationship to an older man much different, but when you are older you see that he did not date you because you are so much "mature" or "wise" but because young women are more flexible with their time and habits. I used to adapt easier.
Now i am more rigid in my habits, i won`t bend over twice for a man anymore, i`d rather let them go.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by ninasastri

Hi,
i won`t bend over twice for a man anymore,.

Though I'd prefer twice, once'll do!

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by WTF

Though I'd prefer twice, once'll do!

Oh you`re so sweet....Shall i ride with the chandeliers for you too?

[WTF]

Originally Posted by ninasastri

Oh you`re so sweet....Shall i ride with the chandeliers for you too?

Chandeliers riding is overrated

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by WTF

Chandeliers riding is overrated

I am glad.....my walls will thank it :-)

[WTF]

Originally Posted by ninasastri

I am glad.....my walls will thank it :-)

Which walls?