When you wont accept a guys ref.

[Kayleehotchick]

Okay guys..... I need some feed back.

If a guy only has 2 ref's and one of them is a known flake and a drama queen and you don't TRUST her at all, how to you tell the guy you wont accept his ref without sounding like a bitch or a drama queen yourself?

Just like not all money is good money.
Not all provider ref's are reliable and good either.

Oh, and HAPPY 4th!!!!

[Luke Skywalker]

Just be honest. Tell him that you don t trust one of his references. Be nice and objective.

You don't have to tell him why you don't trust her. Its your body. Your rules. If he insists, he is not a good hobbyst for you anyways.

[Kayleehotchick]

Great advice. Thanks.

[Tara Evans]

Good question girl. I had a regular of mine tell me that he wanted to see this girl messaged her through p411 and set everything up. Then she told him that she didn't like the girls that he had seen. I was like wow.

[Kayleehotchick]

Well....I really don't care if I like the girls or not. All I care about is if I feel a ref would be a trust worthy ref or not.

Some chicks cause so much drama on this board that I wouldn't trust their word at all but at the same token I don't want to be a drama queen myself by telling him that his ref's is crazy.

LOL.

When in doubt...chicken out. That is what kept me safe so far. :-)

[Guest112916]

I've had a few do that. Tell me they wont use a reference because the girl is a drama queen or crazy. It was mentioned that the last time she contacted her for a reference, the girl went off on her and then called me to bitch me out for not seeing her.

I had a gal from the previous board tell me that she would not see me because I had used a girl as a reference who she hated and had been having a feud with for the past few years. She wouldn't see anyone who had seen her because of a fight on the board 4 yrs back.

There are almost 700 providers for this area on ECCIE and if someone does not want to see me because a reference causes problems or is known as a drama reference provider, I just move on. There is no reason to get my feelings hurt. It's just business and a possible loss for all 3 parties, me, you, and of course the problem child provider who i'll never see again.

[Kayleehotchick]

I think providers unknowingly cause more drama by how they HANDLE a situation like this.

There are times a hobbyist insight on tact can be invaluable.

[Eva Damita]

Do you only rely on references for your screening? Its not fair a reference makes or breaks fun, try using other means of screening. Good luck.

[Kayleehotchick]

It's a HUGE part of it, yes.

What works for me, might not work for everyone.

To each his own.

[Guest110416]

When you dislike another provider for your reasons, it would be difficult to trust them for a reference, especially if the feelings are the same. Ask for another reference or two. If that is his only two references he has or wants to give you, and that is not good enough for you, then tell him that at the time, he does not pass your screening requirements for you to possibly sacrifice your safety or whatever else.



While you are right that all money is not good money, it is also true that a guy should not put all his hobby eggs in one or two baskets and since there are so many providers here in this area that a mature guy will move on, while a guy that you do not want to spend time with anyway would pout or plead with you.

[oldbutstillgoing]

Contact both references. If both respond with basically the same thing, then crazy drama queen or not, odds are she is being truthful. If one reference is very different from the other, ask the guy for another reference. Explain you were not able to obtain enough information.

[Eva Damita]

Heehhehe... I wasn't knocking you or wagging my finger...was just trying to help - being that not all provider references are reliable and good either - as acknowledged in your original post

Ive ran into a few turds from providers who vouched for gents that A) didn't recall accurately B) Just evil and knew they never seen him or perhaps truly cannot recall C) Their definition of a "good" "client" is different than my definition of a "good" "client". No matter how "holier than thou" and reputable a provider is, they are human and can mess up. So I employ other means to help determine my decision along with references. Again, good luck!

[bored@home]

Originally Posted by Kayleehotchick

It's a HUGE part of it, yes.
What works for me, might not work for everyone.
To each his own.

You covered not all money is good money and if set with that approach then an honest answer back to said gent asking for another reference should be all she wrote.
I can say that from this side of the game it can suck and be a bit of a disappointment, like being caught in a bureaucratic catch 22.

I have no idea all the ins and outs that go on from your side but speaking as someone who was caught in that limbo before; I appreciated those who had a bit more flexibility in finding a solution to the problem rather than a firm no. The ones who offered up advice and suggestions were the ones I visited. The others that seemed terse with the "more experience needed" response lost something mentally to me and I never tried again even when refs were not a issue.

[randall flagg]

Any provider has every right to see whoever they want and use whatever screening methods they want. I wouldnt have believed the following had I not seen it myself. Below is from a p411 ad.

" i do not cater to clients that have oks from aa providers sorry .."

[MobyDick100]

Originally Posted by Luke Skywalker

Just be honest. Tell him that you don t trust one of his references. Be nice and objective.

You don't have to tell him why you don't trust her. Its your body. Your rules. If he insists, he is not a good hobbyst for you anyways.

Luke gave you good advice. One way to be nice and objective is to tell him (if you feel this way) that you remain open to seeing him if he can give you additional references that are acceptable. Edit - I thought this thread had just been started. It looks like my suggestion was already given. Oh well.