Help settle a debate - I need you thoughts ...

[Brooke Wilde]

My friend got married about 6 months ago. She works FT & her husband works FT. Both outside of the house & they do not have kids.

She cooks dinner every night & pretty much takes care of everything in the house (cleaning/laundry/shopping).

He takes care of the outside of the house which is considerably less. She says most weekends he just tinkers around on small projects outside & works on his car & shines his bike.

Now to the question:

He recently mentioned to her that her car is filthy & she needs to wash it & clean it out. She said that he should do it since he does everything outside & it's "outside".

He argues that it's "her" car, while she argues she takes care of plenty of "his" stuff.

I agree with her, but it's not because she is my friend ... growing up my parents were exactly as she thinks things should be ... My mom did everything inside & my dad did everything outside.

When it was time to wash the cars, he pulled them both out of the garage & washed them both at once ... so what do you guys (and ladies) think should be done?

[arañanegra]

She could stop by a full service car wash and have them wash her vehicle , get it spick and span inside and out. He’ll probably freak over the cost then start maintaining it himself from this point.

[majorjones]

If he helps some with cooking, cleaning, etc she should help him wash it and help him wash his. She can have the easy part by just spraying and rinsing which actually saves a lot of time. Just like making a bed, it's a synergistic job, meaning two people can wash a car in less than half the time it takes one person to wash a car. If he doesn't help any with the inside jobs and she doesn't want to help him wash it then he should wash it by himself. Otherwise he's going to be doing something else by himself that night if she has to wash it.

[pxmcc]

it should wash her car. definitely..

[NordicJag]

I have serious doubts about the length of this marriage if things continue in this manner. She obviously thinks that he is not doing his fair share and resents it. Some of the things that hef is doing, such working on his bike and possibly some of the car work and projects are actually hobbies. Hobbies do not count as work. If the car bothered him so much, he should have just washed it. What if she said that yeah laundry is inside work, but they arre your clothes, so you wash them. It's the same argument that he made. I know that we are hearing only one side, but from the information that we have it does seem that the workload is heavier on the wife.

[arañanegra]

What I really wanted to say is, she, your friend, should obey her husband, what’s wrong with her thinking she running something. Lol.
Herein is the bigger issue, when the question becomes “who should do it” , should ain’t got nothing to do with it, how can two walk together unless they agree?

[Unique_Carpenter]

I wash ECG's car. Otherwise she won't let me drive it.

Their relationship is toast if they can't meet each others expectations.
It is more than BCD.

[ScroogeMcduck]

Marriage is absolutely beautiful. But it takes two mature individuals to make it work. Marriage works best when two people love each other so much they no longer bicker about your job/their job; they are a unit. So a unit works seamlessly together for the benefit of one. When you are married you are one unit. That's how Marriage works. . It's no assigned duties, yes men are physically designed to be more apt to do certain duties, but the main thing is everyone does whatever it takes to make this thing go.

When I was married, I washed dishes, clothes etc. The only separation came when it was things she couldn't physically handle but I believe once you start talking about your job/my job. Your money/my money in a marriage it's over. Marriage is a equal partnership where everything is shared down to the money. If not it won't work long term

[ScroogeMcduck]

They are bickering over bullshit
Yes theoretically its his "job" to do all the things "outside" which includes I guess both cars or whatever. Like I said above marriage shouldn't be a chore. It's two folks who love each other so much they decide to become one. One unit. Meaning if I hurt her I hurt myself. Vice versa. So you figure it out where it's fair for the unit.

But that comes with other issues like choosing the right mate etc. Washing a car shouldn't be an argument. Take the car to a 20 car wash. There are underlying issues they probably should address and you Brooke as a friend of her would be her best friend to help mediate fairly or say absolutely nothing.

[arañanegra]

A married woman should get advice/insight from another married woman.

[ScroogeMcduck]

It's really no hope here to have a real conversation. This ain't no joke aranegra. It's not a casual nut. It's a real relationship with real things involved. Jesus. There are real implications involved in this. A married woman is married to a man right. So as a man I'm more than entitled to give some advice because this is important. What we do here isn't. It will fade away. Their marriage is important so any advice is beautiful that helps save their marriage

[Bowser98]

I’m curious to know, what if it wasn’t the dirty car situation, but something else, say like her collection of footwear needed to be shined, would opinions on the matter be different?

[michaelrayab]

This “ discussion “ between them is about control. He is telling her to do something that is her possession and it has nothing to do with outside or inside. In a regular playful marriage she would say, “ well if you want it cleaned so badly…you do it and maybe mommy will give daddy’s pipes a cleaning after”.
But they are already passed that point ( after only 9 months) so she just needs to say, nope not cleaning it but if it’s important to you feel free. And then ( this is key) go silent say no more because the control freak will then want to elevate into an argument.

[Michael8219]

Originally Posted by Bowser98

I’m curious to know, what if it wasn’t the dirty car situation, but something else, say like her collection of footwear needed to be shined, would opinions on the matter be different?

I would subcontract this task to a shine pro

[Michael8219]

The husband should wash the car or take it to a shine pro like Mr Car Wash once a month until she’s 45.