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charlestudor2005 · 02-23-2010, 11:52 AM

OK, subs, EW wanted more topics here. So I thought I'd start this one.

As a sub, some of the things I find difficult are:

Finding a "mistress" geographically located to me and easily accessible. So, if anyone can figure out how to spread the word in this thread as to which "mistress" is where, please do so.
Finding a provider willing to do engage in the kind of play I enjoy. I find most are hesitant to do so. What devices have you used to overcome this problem? Share your secrets here. Most of what I enjoy hurts so good!
If you have had a particularly good experience, share it here. Not necessarily asking you to name names, but be willing to PM those who want to know.
Please chip in on any other tips and tricks (puns intended) you have found in this Other Realm.

Although the above was written with male subs in mind, if you are a female sub, plz feel free to give your input.

RickO'shayRabbitt · 02-24-2010, 11:20 PM

I, too, would like to find a domme conveniently located to me. But I don't want a domme who wants to beat me, or tie me up and abuse me like many of the stories I read. I seek more of a sensualist, with potential for almost FS, who likes the roleplay aspect of it and realizes it is all in fun. I might wanna be submissive in some sexual play, but I ain't no pushover. Seems like every woman I have spoken to about domming me grabs onto the whips and chains, S&M aspect. That isn;t what I want. Maybe what I want doesn't exist. Guess I'm weird......or something.

So as you can see, Charles, I am experiencing the same frustrations you are. And I am a generous, clean, polite gentleman who just happens to crave little kink.

youngatheart · 02-24-2010, 11:30 PM

Add me to the list Barney..... I found a provider who enjoyed just the kind of experince being discussed here. Unfortunately, she semi-retired and her availability is very limited.

Euphemia · 02-25-2010, 08:24 AM

Gentlemen, first of all best of luck in your search for your special mistress..

You are all correct in that many providers and even some "mistress"/"master" do not know... what this lifestyle is about. It is not always about pain with whips and chains..

Everyone is different and everyone fantasy structure is different. Thre are Domme who wont engage in sex and those that do.

The search for that person who will understand your need involves communication with that potential person. As a sub you are gving us permission to take you to that place in your fantasy, if we never ask you...how can we take you there...

This is more than pain, whips and chains...for some it is, but for most it is not. And somebady who knows their shit, will know the difference...

Guest050911 · 02-25-2010, 08:59 AM

One word - Communication.... Without that, it will not be a session you desire.

If there is not communication beforehand or an interest in what you desire.... You will get what He / She wants, not what you want.

Euphemia, I know is all about that

Lindsy Lacey Also

Miss Sophie Bella · 02-25-2010, 09:52 AM

Anyone experienced in the lifestyle will easily understand what you seek if you simply explain you're interested in a submissive roleplay experience without sadomasochism. Communication and trust are the cornerstones of any good D/s relationship. Finding a trustworthy and skilled Domme is a challenge, but I think it can be very rewarding when you find the relationship that works for you.

I have clients whose submissive fantasies run a very diverse spectrum. While one gentleman might seek an age play/regression/discipline scenario with a strict Governess, another may want to serve a Goddess and yet another may love cuckolding fantasies. The erotic mind is amazingly diverse. A good Domme will be empathetic and understanding of your unique needs. There can and should be a balance of needs between the Dominant and the submissive, but it's true that you've got to be willing to truly submit to the will of your Domme and trust her to guide your experience. She in turn always recognizes that you, as the submissive, have to have power in order to give it to her and she should respect that exchange.

I think it's also important to consider that D/s relationships will often take you to a deeper emotional place than a GFE experience might. Being prepared for that and managing your own emotions and expectations is paramount.

RebeccaFair · 02-25-2010, 12:53 PM

E: you so hit the point here. And communication is also key.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Euphemia

Gentlemen, first of all best of luck in your search for your special mistress..

You are all correct in that many providers and even some "mistress"/"master" do not know... what this lifestyle is about. It is not always about pain with whips and chains..

Everyone is different and everyone fantasy structure is different. Thre are Domme who wont engage in sex and those that do.

The search for that person who will understand your need involves communication with that potential person. As a sub you are gving us permission to take you to that place in your fantasy, if we never ask you...how can we take you there...

This is more than pain, whips and chains...for some it is, but for most it is not. And somebady who knows their shit, will know the difference...

RickO'shayRabbitt · 02-25-2010, 12:59 PM

I completely agree with the emotional level statement, Miss Bella. I know from my personal life, that the most intimate I have been with someone has come not from what would be described as GFE, but it was the divulging of that animal that resides most deeply within me. Awarding someone the trust that it took to divulge my desires and having them accept them without judging, and then having them willfully participate in a loving manner was supremely rewarding. Now I doubt it would achieve quite that level in the P4P world but I do think it could come close. Finding the right lady and having the right chemistry would be critical.

Communication might be the key, as many have mentioned. But the cynic in me knows a lady could fake communicating in the hopes of securing an appointment with a client. I can't say that I have tried communicating with many, but the few with whom I have tried have seemed to lack the kind of patience which would have made meaningful communication FOR ME occur. I want to feel as if the lady has some personal stake in seeing me beyond compensation. I guess it requires some risk, but if my intuition tells me the woman hasn't really bought into me, why would I take the next step?

Guest032514-1 · 02-25-2010, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Euphemia

As a sub you are gving us permission to take you to that place in your fantasy, if we never ask you...how can we take you there...

This is more than pain, whips and chains...for some it is, but for most it is not. And somebady who knows their shit, will know the difference...

I just absolutely adore you Euphemia! Did you know that? Well, you do now.

Euphemia · 02-25-2010, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by barneyrubble

Communication might be the key, as many have mentioned. But the cynic in me knows a lady could fake communicating in the hopes of securing an appointment with a client. I can't say that I have tried communicating with many, but the few with whom I have tried have seemed to lack the kind of patience which would have made meaningful communication FOR ME occur. I want to feel as if the lady has some personal stake in seeing me beyond compensation. I guess it requires some risk, but if my intuition tells me the woman hasn't really bought into me, why would I take the next step?

Let's not fool ourselves here, we are on a p4p site. There are all kinds of folks on many sites looking for things in all the wrong places. While there is a sprinkling of us real folks who know this lifestyle, there are many here that do this strictly for the money.

There is nothing wrong with that, it is clearly posted. But you have to let that intuition work for you and let it tell you if this person or that person will allow you to have that experience...and she is not giving you the answers you need to hear, move on...

Euphemia · 02-25-2010, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by babee

I just absolutely adore you Euphemia! Did you know that? Well, you do now.

Well thank you sweetie.. I love being adored, especially with someone who has an ass like that...

My apologies for the mini-hijack of the thread. I will look you up if I am ever in your area...

Miss Sophie Bella · 02-25-2010, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Euphemia

Let's not fool ourselves here, we are on a p4p site. There are all kinds of folks on many sites looking for things in all the wrong places. While there is a sprinkling of us real folks who know this lifestyle, there are many here that do this strictly for the money.

There is nothing wrong with that, it is clearly posted. But you have to let that intuition work for you and let it tell you if this person or that person will allow you to have that experience...and she is not giving you the answers you need to hear, move on...

THIS. Well said, as always.