"Dating" a Dancer or Provider….Relationships doomed for disaster?... A different view on some recent conversation......

[Whispers]

I’m seeing it occur more frequently lately with both male and female friends.

I’m watching both buddies and ladies I know tearing themselves up over things a lot of people can’t comprehend.

This subject has been touched upon a few times lately and I've rewritten this from a thread I actually posted 9 years ago because it has been on my mind lately because of a couple of ladies I know as well as a couple of guys....

I view relationships with women in three manners.

A Relationship between a man and his Girl Friend
A Relationship between a man and his Mistress
A Relationship between a man and his Wife

I've enjoyed all three with ladies I've met in this business.

I’ve gone down this path a time or two or three or more.

I've had many a short term (weeks/months) and 3 long term (years) relationships with dancers (my wife was a dancer when we met 19 years ago) and yes I’ve found myself involved with a couple of different providers over the years. Over time feelings evolve, jealousies erupt and issues need to be dealt with.

No relationship ever entered into is easy and any 2 people in today’s society have many an obstacle to overcome……

But when a couple decide to take a stab at a relationship and her profession revolves around the adult Industry, obstacles can sometime become brick walls.

No “everyday” type of relationship outside the industry has ever proved more explosive in nature or caused me more stress.

I also want to state no “normal” relationship has ever proven more physically rewarding or caused more reflection and personal growth than the ones with ladies I’ve met in the adult entertainment industry.

I think the number 1 reason these relationships seem doomed for failure is linked to the avg mans need to feel “needed” and “depended” on versus these ladies ability to make more money in a night than some guys make in a week. “

Yes. I’m saying that to a great extent it’s a guys fault.

I’m watching several female friends right now in the club business with relationships coming apart because day after day their boyfriends belittle them more and more because they “prostitute” themselves for the money they make and how “no one would want them” other than them. By "prostitute" I don't necessarily mean sex.... just that they are selling access to their body and time for money...

Over the years many a lady I've come to know has cried on my shoulder because of the jerk she “loves”, trashing her night after night as he becomes more and more insecure. I just left a girl tonight wearing a shirt wet with tears. I wish it had come up sooner because she probably needed a friend more than my money

Unfortunately I see many of these ladies buy into it the verbal abuse.

Often this insecurity on the man’s part manifests itself in physical abuse to accompany the verbal abuse. Some of these ladies can't win no matter what they do. If they don't make money it's because they are lazy and ugly and didn't try hard enough.... If they make too much it's because they did something they should not have done...... They can't win.... The guy never believes them...

I also see the other side of it where a buddy who has the money decides to “save” the lady and pressures her to quit and let him take care of her.

He’ll fix her car or pay her bills.

She doesn’t “need” to do it anymore.

He assumes it’s a “financial” issue for her and then resents it when his offers are rebuked or taken for only a short term. I just dealt with a friend with this attitude last week.

In these situations, without realizing it I believe once again that it’s the guys fault.

When you reach out to “rescue” her what are you really doing?

You are still paying her for her time. You are no different. You’ve just treated her in the same way every other guy she deals with has all day long.

You’ve assumed she can be bought. Funny coming from a guy that buys a lot of women. But I believe I understand it and maintain a balance with it some don't...

It doesn’t matter how you try to justify it, you’ll never have a chance at a relationship while there is money on the table.

I've never met women more driven for independence and a desire to not rely on a man then women I've met in the adult business. If you can't deal with that your way out of your league talking to one of these girls about anything other than a moment of her time in exchange for the normal fare.

Most people assume that I “buy my way” into these “relationships” I’ve experienced and I’ll admit that most have definitely involved money. I've had Mistresses and Girl Friends on retainers of sorts more than once over the years. I keep the money in play where there is no personal interest on my part in the lady to keep the table balanced and my head on straight.

But anyone hanging out with me knows how little I ever really spend on dances or in the clubs vs how many ladies end up coming out of the club to socialize with me and my friends.

I don’t care how the subject comes up guys, if ANY PART OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HER INVOLVES YOU GIVING HER MONEY IT CAN AND USUALLY WILL BITE YOU IN THE ASS because you are putting yourself in the provider/client position and not in a relationship!

It might be how you meet but before a relationship evolves and has a chance to last it needs to be left behind.

Not having money and sponging off of them or having money and wanting to save them both lead to the same destination. Relationship Hell.

I really think we screw these things up more so than the ladies.

Dancers and providers meet guys everyday willing to exchange money for their time so you need to get the $ out of the equation somehow if you want to be "different".

Experienced guys will try to enter into these things with the best of intention but there is always the fear that they don’t want to get looked at for seeking a “freebie” so they keep money on the table. Ladies on the other hand, at times, want to spend time with a guy but won't reach out because they do not want to be perceived as trying to promote themselves or make money.....

But they also tend to expect the ladies to display the same “outgoing nature” and aggressiveness they have on their job when they are with them privately.

Another way men screw these things up is through jealousy. Not always our jealousy though.

More than a couple of guys have been in my face over the years because I was his girlfriends customer. Some knew I was banging her. Some suspected I was banging her. Some were confused and clueless about what was going on. I get a kick out of meeting that type and just experienced that 2 weeks ago when my "ex" insisted I meet her new boyfriend and he was intent on being nice to me and seeking my approval for some reason not knowing I banged her 2 hours earlier....

Guys have either been sarcastic in thanking me for the money I've spent on them or threatening me because of the ideas my conversation with her has given her. The bottom line in every one of these incidents when a man is in my face about anything regarding his relationship with a lady is usually about HIS insecurity. He's not worried about her. He's worried about himself. And far more often he drives her away and most often right into the arms of a guy like me patiently waiting in the wings.

A personal rule I adopted many years ago (learned the hard way) is it doesn’t matter how you met. The fact that she was your provider and you her client when you met doesn’t justify you continuing to see other ladies after beginning a relationship with her.

The same with dancers. You can’t sit there getting table dances from other girls while you are waiting for her to get off and expect to have a good time between the sheets an hour later.

NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS about it not bothering her, it’s human nature for it to get to her.

She’s not going to “understand” when you see other women just because it’s no different than how you met her.

If that’s what you want, then fess up and move on or you’ll just trash her feelings and it will be just another reason for her not to trust a man.

[Spacemtn]

I have to agree on many levels. Usually it is doomed because one party or the other to a "hobby relationship" demands change.

Probably, most of the time it is the guy wanting to change the lady. When she won't or can't change, it gets negative. This coupled with a the fact that he wants to continue seeing other ladies while seeing her is usually the begining of the end. On the other side, sometimes she wants to change him. She asks for exclusivity, which usually won't or can't happen for various reasons including but not limited to pure selfishness.

When you take the P4P aspect out of the equation, it skews the viewpoint of one or both and you lose sight of why you were seeing one another in the first place and then you won't or can't see one another even P4P. All your energy and emotions tied up with an ATF (both/either provider or hobbiest) are out the window and in most cases there are hard or hurt feelings.

Thankfully, most of us have pretty good defense mechanisms. But don't fool yourself, even the most stalwart can meet their waterloo.

Spacemtn
Your Friendly Neighborhood Moderator

[Natalie Reign]

Whispers, you're not doing much to uphold your reputation as a heartless asshole with this thread. We've taked about this, darlin'. If you and I are going to be roommates, we have to keep arguing. We can't keep agreeing on things.

[nuglet]

In my case, my recent wedding to my S,O. started when we met at a swingers club. Neither one of us was in a relationship at the time, and we knew where each other were coming from. We've been together 6 years and haven't had a problem yet about anything except kids custody...hers.
I've had marriages (yes, plural) that sucked (not in a good way) from day one.... literally, and I've had very long term relationships. Open honesty is the only way things will work, unless someone is willing to compromise too much or be lied to. Had a stripper wife too, but, like I said, honesty is the best way to go.. she wasn't.

[Guest061511-2]

Well, I think that if neithier person is attached or married when they meet that it could and has worked but I am a hopless romantic. If they are married...forget it! If the girl has any kind of feelings she won't be able to handle playing mistress. Then again, I don't know who has it better The Mistress or The Wife.

[Guest061511-2]

I actually think Nuglet has it pretty damn good and we should all be so lucky

[nuglet]

thank ya maam'

[Guest110911]

what is to be jealous about...you dont have to wonder if she is fucking someone else...you already know she is...

i breifly dated a provider...before i was even in the hobby. i realized very soon that i couldnt do it...and got out. im not one to share. since being in the hobby... i wonder if i still feel the same. but def not if she is a CIM girl.

[RALPHEY BOY]

I am living by the old saying:if it floats, flys for fuks, then rent it!!

I am still tire kicking for now

[Whispers]

Originally Posted by BritneyBangs

I don't know who has it better The Mistress or The Wife.

This time of year... Being the Mistress or GirlFriend of a married man is one of the harder positions to be in..... I've spent many a holiday over the years with a woman in my life and while with family I've known she was home alone..... I don't think I ever feel guiltier than on Valentines Day, ThanksGiving, Christmas and New years Eve.

Originally Posted by Natalie Reign

Whispers, you're not doing much to uphold your reputation as a heartless asshole with this thread. We've taked about this, darlin'. If you and I are going to be roommates, we have to keep arguing. We can't keep agreeing on things.

I know... I know... But some of you ladies keep coming to party after party... you dress pretty.. you smell nice... you treat me nice.....

I'm beginning to think it is a coordinated plot to brainwash me, concieved by either the Adorables or the TripleDippers with a couple of CoEds properly trained and motivated to get into my trust, gather intelligence, report back to the powers to be to determine the best possible ways to modify my personality....


Anyway.. The Roomy thing?....

darlin I've been packed for over a week now.... Some of the guys are standing by to help me move in.... Did you get TM out of my room yet?

I'm bringing all my cool toys and electronics.... I need room in the Living Room for my Lay-Z-Boy and did I mention I have a 3 Keg Cooler/Beer Dispenser/Bar I'm bringing?.... Some of the boys are hyped about a new location for Beer/Belching/Farting night.... Have you seen Sixx light his farts on fire yet?.... I swear.... 3 ft flames!.... and depending on what he ate.... a variety of different colored flames....

[Anonymous170]

that sounds so cool lighting up farts =) that i got to see

[Whispers]

I'll arrange a front row seat for ya! But ya need to take off your glasses and lean in close!

[Anonymous170]

Ahahaha Eww no smelling just looking

[alcatraz]

Ok so what if you have feeling for a dancer and she says the same. You have dated outside of the strip club and she has met your friends and you have met hers (non strip club friends). How do you stop it from being weird when she wants you to come hang out while she is working... Just to see her.

Of course you wouldn't get dances from other girls. But how great is it to be there while she is giving dances to other guys. Plus she won't take your money for dances. Even though you do it just so she would be with you and not dancing on other guys?

Hypothetically speaking of course.

[bestoralntexas]

nevermind,