Confessions of an Old Fart

[squiretuck]

Yeah, people tell me that at 50 + 4 I am not that old, but there are some things I wish were younger. Take my backside for example. Let me down big time today; flatulation issue.

Well, I had been randy for a couple of days, and a great FBSM provider was peaking my interest; she's relatively close, and she has an awesome massage and attitude. I arranged for an appointment, and during great massage and great conversation, we got to making funny and sarcastic remarks. So we were both laughing and chatting, when the final eruption occurred. So I made a comment that her cleavage blocked the fountain so to speak. We started joking about a session do-over when she said something that made me laugh so hard I lost control and passed gas, not the SBD kind, but the razzberry kind; you know, thpppppppppppppppppppppppppppp pppppppppt but thank goodness no odor! Well it's panic time. I am sitting there in my b-day suit face turning about 7 shades of red, not knowing what to say. Heck my bung-hole done said it all for me! She's doing all she can to put me at ease, laughing and telling funny stories, so it worked out OK. She was most accomodating and finally put me at ease. But I am still embarrassed. Only happened once before long time ago....

Oh, well. You know what they say, "Fart happens."

[Sexy Roxanne]

LMFAOOOO!!! I think I would have laughed so damn hard, that I might have pee'd on myself and fell off the bed!!!

Sorry Squiretuck, but that is funny stuff!

[guest021911]

Squire you should be grateful your accident was of the "dry" variety. It could have been much worse!!

[Risn2TheOccasion]

Being close to the same age bracket, I may need to get the name of this 50+ friendly lady. LOL

[txtraveler07]

Originally Posted by squiretuck

Oh, well. You know what they say, "Fart happens."

On the plus side, at least shit didn't.

[squiretuck]

All; it was an embarrassing, but very laughable moment. We got some huge chuckles from it. And oh, yes, I am thankful that it was dry and it wasn't "Sh*t..." that happened.

Oh, yeah, and I figured the root cause. Breakfast that morning consisted of oatmeal. But I added dried cherries. When adding the dried cherries, I accidently ate about a 1/2 cup of them and about a 1/2 cup of apricots! "Danger Will Robinson....." Worse than prunes!

[Spacemtn]

'tuck,
The funniest shit (pun intended) always happens to you, but being close to the same age, I need her name so I can see her after my oatmeal!!

[Yssup Rider]

When a masseuse gets to working my gut and moving things around in there, it's damned near impossible not to let loose the barking spiders... I've spent almost an entire session trying not to rip one and nearly pulled a hernia in the process.

If anything, I try and take comfort in the idea that I'm not the first one for the provider, and if I can't tell the difference whether I'm coming or going, she's probably going to be prepared for either one!

[Ready2Rock]

What sweet relief it was a few weeks ago when I let a l-o-o-o-o-o-n-g one rip while taking a post-fuck pee. I'd been repressing it since the CIM finish because I didn't want to offend the lady and/or break my concentration on pleasure. In retrospect, I'm not sure which felt better -- the finish or the fart. The lady was in the kitchen when the butt trumpet sounded, so I don't think she was any the wiser.

[squiretuck]

Hilarious!

[Mokoa]

Originally Posted by Ready2Rock

What sweet relief it was a few weeks ago when I let a l-o-o-o-o-o-n-g one rip while taking a post-fuck pee. I'd been repressing it since the CIM finish because I didn't want to offend the lady and/or break my concentration on pleasure. In retrospect, I'm not sure which felt better -- the finish or the fart. The lady was in the kitchen when the butt trumpet sounded, so I don't think she was any the wiser.

There goes another keyboard.