most awkward hobby dates?

[pxmcc]

in this thread i'd love to hear about your most awkward, embarassing, or face-palming hobby dates, either for you, your date, or just the situation itself. i have a few i'll share after i read some of yours.

teaser for one of my awkward hobby dates: it involved flatulence, at an "unexpected" time, and of a surprisingly "robust" and pungent odor. but i still gave her a yes. and no, don't expect any names to be revealed, sorry..

[Busty]

It was U
He who declared it blared it.
He who observed it served it.
He who detected it ejected it.
Whoever spoke last set off the blast.
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
Whoever denied it supplied it.
The next person who speaks is the person who reeks.
The smeller's the feller.
Whoever's poking fun is the smoking gun
He who articulated it particulated it.

[pxmcc]

it wasn't quiet. hold your fire.
do you have any awkward date stories about him? i bet you do, given your menu.

Originally Posted by Busty

It was U
He who declared it blared it.
He who observed it served it.
He who detected it ejected it.
Whoever spoke last set off the blast.
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
Whoever denied it supplied it.
The next person who speaks is the person who reeks.
The smeller's the feller.
Whoever's poking fun is the smoking gun
He who articulated it particulated it.

[pxmcc]

so a hobbyist who wishes to remain anonymous conveyed an awkward date story.

his date playfully grabbed his dingaling between her feet and toes and started to play with it quite skillfully. rather than stopping her, he let her proceed while his mini-me began to swell and begin to drip pre-cum, until finally, he..nutted everywhere from a skillful..foot job.

he was too embarassed to post his story here, so i posted it for him. he shall remain anonymous, as shall all parties in this thread, except for 1st person narratives..

this thread is meant to be funny. putting people on blast is mean, not funny, unless they really have it coming to them, in which case it's both mean and funny..

[pxmcc]

so i had an awkward date. this gal is a well established provider and on attractiveness on my scale is 10/10. she's a greek specialist, and the session was perfect. she looked good, smelled good, the whole 9 yards. she let me pound the heck out of her perfect booty, but for some reason, i couldn't nut. she asked me if everything was ok, and i said ya, perfect. she let me try different positions and it felt great, but i didn't cum. we were moving into overtime, so i made sure she got off, and told her she was a blast. she was kind of high maintenance, but i enjoy gals like that. she brushed her teeth after which made me laugh. well, i guess i just had an off day. sometimes it takes me forever to nut lol, and i guess that was one of those days. one of the things i've is it takes me longer to get there than when i was 18, but when i do, it's sheer mayhem, way better than my 18 year old version. so i guess there's at least there's some upside..

[Julissia]

YEARS AGO, when I did outs, I went to visit a gent at ZaZa.. He was fresh out of the shower when I arrived.. We proceeded to have our fun & after all was over: he sits on the side of the bed & goes to shower. I was about to get off the bed, when I noticed: where he sat up, he left brown streaks! Dude left skid marks on the damn bed! I got up & told him my cab (yes, that long ago) there, went home, showered scrubbed & repeat for an hr almost! Never heard from him again, thankfully!

[pxmcc]

^^yikes..
thx for sharing. definitely would qualify as an awkward date..

[DEAR_JOHN]

I had time scheduled with the beautiful Melissa of XTC for a none full service session. This woman is incredibly beautiful with a knock out body. Pure Playboy stuff.


She had a deal where she would lube up her hand with warm lotion and position her hand where it felt just like you were 'in' her. I lasted about a minute and unleashed a load that would make Peter North proud. I wasn't some newbie to the hobby and had been around, but most of my 'dates' were MILF next door soccer moms. I had never ended this quick before.



She gave me some sort of funny look, but didn't say anything. It was over rather quickly, but the memories remain years later.

[pxmcc]

^^hilarious DJ..

[Busty]

Originally Posted by DEAR_JOHN

I had time scheduled with the beautiful Melissa of XTC for a none full service session. This woman is incredibly beautiful with a knock out body. Pure Playboy stuff.


She had a deal where she would lube up her hand with warm lotion and position her hand where it felt just like you were 'in' her. I lasted about a minute and unleashed a load that would make Peter North proud. I wasn't some newbie to the hobby and had been around, but most of my 'dates' were MILF next door soccer moms. I had never ended this quick before.



She gave me some sort of funny look, but didn't say anything. It was over rather quickly, but the memories remain years later.

Spoken from a true Gentleman that doesn't have to embarrass/humiliate anyone at the expense of a joke

[pxmcc]

Originally Posted by Busty

Spoken from a true Gentleman that doesn't have to embarrass/humiliate anyone at the expense of a joke

If you are implying that I did or plan to, I don't think that's a fair characterization, if handles are not included.

Humor happens when things are not as expected. If a lost tourist suddenly finds himself at the head of a funeral procession with no easy way to extract himself, that could be objectively funny.

And there may be some lessons in this thread, such as proper preparation for a date (one of my awkward date stories) or what's the best way to deal with it if you have to pass gas at an "inopportune" moment (another awkward date story).

I take issue with your premise. (And I still can't seem to move around in a post from my mobile to make edits, because I'm techtarded.)

Something could be objectively funny but also mean if disclosed about a particular person. I stated specifically that I intended this thread to be funny and not mean.

[Fizley]

While not a hobby date...

I'd seen a provider many times...

This particular day my daughter and I was heading to the store. My daughter was 13-14 at the time.

We walked up and down a few isles when I say saw her. We locked eyes and passed by each other not saying a word.

My daughter went to check on an item on a different isle and as I turned around there was the provider. We started chatting and I was trying to be chatty as I wanted to see her again, but wanted to leave so my daughter didn't see me talking with her.

My daughter caught up with us and provider ended the conversation by saying "come see me again."

As we we were in line with the cashier my daughter was looking at me, she finally asked how I knew her? I said she was a work client.

My daughter was unusually quiet on the way home. I had the windows down and was stopped at the stoplight when it came..... ...."Dad!" "DAD!" "Did you Fuck her?"

I looked out the drivers side window only to see an 80s era diesel Mercedes Benz with an elderly couple with their windows down. Both the elderly husband and wife were looking at me with a look of disbelief.

[pxmcc]

^^that's gal's conduct was way worse than dumb. if she knew you're weren't single-which she obviously did-she'd go straight to my dns list.

[pxmcc]

ok here goes one of my awkward date stories where it wasn't my conduct that made it awkward, although i do have a few more of those..

trigger warning: some folks may get grossed out by the details, so not everyone should read this. ok i gave everyone some kind of "informed consent"-ish..

the gal in question is a popular provider who shall remain nameless, and i 'd see her again in a heartbeat..

so i was into my fbsm and i'd gotten to the best part, her flawless booty massage

[pxmcc]

oops sorry. early posticulation. so she's getting all wet and i'm prolly precumming like a mofo. but let me take a tangent right about now.

some parts of the human anatomy have more than one function. Dudes eliminate nitrogenous wastes from their penises, and use it as a way to reproduce or just to have fun with if they're not down for daddy responsibilities.

and i see cute girl's perfect booties the same way. i've heard of dudes having a scat fetish or thinking smelly farts are sexy. i'm not one of those peeps. if you are, more power to ya..

so when it comes to the old BP gals or now the LC gals, you do dato at your own risk..

but i always thought that since hobby gals know that sometimes dato happens, their ass is clean outside and in. but don't use soap inside unless you want to make a trip to the ER..

so i go down on this gal's flawless booty, and, i kid you not, i got a mouthful of crunchies. i pretended i had to pee, and luckily she had some mouthwash on the sink, and I stayed in there a good 5 minutes just to make sure i got all that shit out of my mouth. literally.

when i got back, i refused to do anything that even might appear to be work. i avoided even the appearance of work..

i figured we'd have a usual fs session, but her bbbj was so outstanding, i never made it to full serve. and of course, she got a... yes.

gents, clean your asses before a date. providers, clean your asses, no matter how gorgeous, before a date. ok so i'll get off my damn soapbox now and invite commentary, which can be as biting and real as you like, so long as no handles are mentioned..